Monthly Archives: December 2009

Two States. The story of my marraige by Chetan Bhagat

I bought this book yesterday from the street kids that you’ll find on every other signals in Delhi. Yes it’s sad, whenever I see these kids, all I want to do is start a movement there, all kids will attend school, no exceptions in this country. But it’s not so simple, but I can’t see why that’s so difficult either? F***. It’s the worse to feel hopeless, and even worse when yuo fear you will get lost on the way if you start out. I can promises to myself like I have in the past, but this will not make a change today. I hope someday there is a change that I can contribute and then talk about it.

Sorry, totally got off the track.

So, the book is lovely! The plot is great, the story telling is great and it pulls you into it and makes you miss it when it ends, like I am feeling right now.

It’s about this couple who are from different communities and want to get married. But they decide that to elope away is not their way and they will get their parents to agree. It’s funny and real. I suggest a must read. You also learn a few things about the two different cultures. 

I just love this writer. He has this ‘one among you’ feeling to his words. I love his simple, no big dictionary words, humor filled stories. He also seems so down to earth, dunno if in real. Btw his family stays in the same colony that I am living in right now. 🙂

I started reading after dinner and was awake till 3am and then completed the last bit today while travelling.

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Here’s the thing..

Things have been going ‘weird’ lately. I mean if you look at it all it seems okay, but when my mind is seeing it, it’s so weird. Let me explain:

Finances: Have you heard that the saying ‘Love will keep us alive’ & ‘love is all you need’.. It’s all bullshit! nothing like that. I mean we’re a family of four and we love each other a lot. But since me and sis are the bread earners of the family, everything has been so rocky lately. we both earn and yes its decent in total, but then she’s like super lazy and doesn’t get her entire pay, it always cut out on late day, which means half days, and much infuriating this month was she bought some office stuff and lost the bills, leaving a couple of grands to be deducted from her salary. WTF!! and then she doesn’t even have the guts to go and speak up for herself when required. Otherwise she’s all talkative and social, but when you need to speak for yourself she got this big ego and image to show off. I mean what? what do you want to show off, that you’re an heiress or sumthng. you’re not..get real man! I’m sorry if this sounds like totally bitching about my sis (which is what it is) but then I am so tired of it all. why am I bloody doing something i don’t like for the family and trying to get things to get better and all she does is be careless, lazy, spending money around, and if you say anything she’s all angry and she’s impossible. I can only do so much on my own, I need her help, and I’ve tried every way to make her understand that, talks, fights, arguments, crying, everything, and its been 2 years of all this going on. I feel exhausted and drained. And the sad part is that she feels like we push her for getting money.. c’mon my mom sold the house to get us through college, she sold all her jewelery, she begged from my grandparents, and now we need to pull this together and get stable status. And she doesn’t realize, we have to say that to her.. imagine..how ignorant and shameless can you get? I’m so pissed off.. just had a bloody fight with her..I knw she must be hurt,, but I’m dying here…and all for nothing at the end of the month, we’re again at 0. crap!!

Work : This new role is bugging me. I’m scared and even more than that its confusing and I don’t have any guidance. I know it’s just matter of time, but something unsettled always makes my mind be jiffy type. It’s weird, but then something.. i don’t know what..i’m even having dreams about work and its so frustrating, coz I’m trying to put things to place, but now it’s not just me but also other people i need to manage. and then that too tactfully, coz one of them is my friend ‘D’ and both started out at the same time and now I want to take charge of things, but I have to keep in mind that she doesn’t feel like I’m bossing and its so much thinking before i do or say anything. i guess its time to learn all the office politics and social stuff, that i am so not used to and so against. phew!! more than work it’s all mind stuff, you know, thinking about stuff, and handling all.. exhausting!!!

Friends: It’s actually just one friend, ‘A’ it think I have mentioned him earlier as ol’ fren or something.. dun remember..anyways so we have been very good friends and we’ve been though a lot. But lately he started acting like he didn’t care and wouldn’t make any efforts. I mean since my birthday that was in september, I have been constantly asking him to make plan to meet, go clubbing, movies something. but he’s like no always. I feel really bad. I mean why can’t you make time for friends, and its understandable if you’re busy, but it can’t be for 3 months regularly. I feel so bad, that now even making a small effort for me feels like so much to him. I would make all the effort for him if I could. But he makes me feel so unwanted and as if I’m trying to get something from him. It’s sad! we had this plan to meet tomorrow and he’s like ya I even have some work there, so I said lets meet somewhere else, and he’s like what if I have work there. I told him that I knew if he didn’t have any work then he wouldn’t come to meet, but he didn’t agree and i felt it was useless to say anything much as he didn’t realize how much he has been hurting me by behaving so rude and distant. I told him we will meet tomorrow, but I won’t. I’m too emotional and he’s too insensitive, always has been, and feeling unwanted in front of him while he doesn’t understand why I feel that, will be too painful. Sad! I call him my best friend and even though I know I can call him anytime and talk to him about anything, he’s started to stay away and on purpose. he’s becoming someone else. maybe he doesn’t need me as a friend, maybe i shouldn’t feel so bad. It’s really painful. 😦

Other stuff: haven’t been able to start my book yet. I spent the entire day today sitting on the bed with my notepad open and thinking. NOTHING!! my hands didn’t move.. maybe I am not in the right state of mind to tell a story. The dating scene has been all quite, after I stopped talking to New guy at all. Guitar practice is the only thing that’s keeping me a little happy. A few more songs on the (practice)list.

‘I love you till the end’ from P.S. I love you.

‘Way back into love’ from Music and Lyrics.

Tc!!

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Let’s start afresh, 2010 New Year Resolutions

Hmm… Now this requires some thought, lots actually. I’ll try to be specific, practical and keep the list real and measurable, so by the end of the year I know where I have reached.

1. Complete my book. Gotta do this. Really have to.

2. Join an NGO – start any form of voluntary work.

3. Loose all the flab and get in shape – for good and stay that way forever. (PS: starting from Jan 1st week)

4. Become a pro guitarist (btw I got a couple of songs in my kitty already, next post will explain)

5. Buy a car. I don’t care how I do it, I need that.

6. Move to NEW YORK, or atleast start seeing some real hope on it.

7. Earn double my current salary.

8. SAVINGS!! can’t emphasize enough on this. THIS IS A MUST.

9.  Stay in the game. I’m guessing the more people I meet the more clear I’ll get in my head as to ‘WHAT I WANT’.

10. Listen to that INNER VOICE. Trust my INTUTION and gut feeling. I can’t count the no. of times I’ve heard myself saying, ‘oh this did come to my mind but I didn’t trust my gut then’

11. I need control that ‘IMPULSIVE – say whatever comes to your mind instantly’ nerve. Actually, looking at last year, I have done it little, but some more control these.

12. Love myself more. Be good and love myself for it. (I’m so critical about myself, I am)

13. Swimming lessons – be a pro. This year its going to be freestyle & underwater. (right now I only know breast stroke 🙂 )

14. Jazz – Need to start classes again. I don’t mind going for Salsa either. Anyways i should be dancing.

15. Wardrobe – please need to get stuff and this is very much dependent on point # 7 and #8.

16. Get a PROMOTION!!! I think this should be done by mid-year i.e if I believe my ex-manager’s words.

17. Get ‘OK’ with what I do for a living. Ya, this is a major thing.

18. BE WHERE YOU ARE. Not in office and writing blogs or thinking guitar, not at home and having nightmares about work.

19. Finances – take control. Manage.

20. Life – manage.

21. overall – improve management skills.

22. Get extremely particular on TIME and make this a habit and not extra effort. Always on time for everything.

23. Get slim girl and stay that way. No more loosing and gaining and loosing ..and on so on stuff.

24. Think family and think self – need to manage these two efficiently.  My scales are usually too much on either side and that leaves any one part being ignored.

35. BE HAPPY< LIVE< LOVE< ACHIEVE<GROW<MOVE<SEE THE WORLD<LOVE<ENJOY<IMPROVE<BRING JOY<BE HAPPY

Not too measurable ones there.. but that’s my list for now.

What’s on your list?

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Open Question for my beloved readers

Firstly, thanks for visiting!

And now that you are here I will ask you something, a favor, a little help, a bite of confidence, a spoon of moral boost. Please!! *with wet- eyes-puppy expression*

Is there anything on my blogspace that you feel that deserves to be on magazine page? Something you would pay to read?

This might take some of your precious time, but if you can please.

Cheers!

Tc!

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Why can’t I get REAL or GROW UP??

I know it’s probably a little too late to ask that question or even say that out aloud, but seriously, why isn’t there an automated part in our (if you don’t identify with me then only ‘my’) brains that turns off all the dreamy dreams-anything and everything is so good thinking. I mean who is like a grown up 24-year-old working responsible person, still thinking that there is going to be this amazing guy who will come into her life and be crazy about her, madly in love with her, with all the good and the bad, who will be too good and accept her and love her and make her so happy and she will always be loved and happy. And yes she will love him soo much too ?? ME, ME!! Idiot!! damn…

I may be sounding like a needy street puppy looking at you eating food with his wet, black, hypnotizing eyes, but you know what, it high time. High time for me to take the road that I want is real. Either I need to leave this little girl in me, who’s still living the dream world or I need a miracle and wake up in wonderland, which is less likely to happen so, wake me up.

If you don’t believe me, then please read on and amuse yourself –

1. I actually believe that LOVE will be unconditional. He would love me like crazy and I believe it will be true. I am waiting for it too.

2. If I like someone, i.e apart from boy-girl kinna thing, like when I’m fond of a person, I feel you can express it whenever you feel. Like when you meet someone after a long time and you may not be the closest of people for each other, but if you feel happy and overwhelmed, then I actually think and feel like hugging that person tight. We may be apart later, even enemies or not even talking, but for now, what happens next should not stop you from expressing what you feel. It doesn’t make me vulnerable at all, I think it would only make me a warmer person and a loving heart.

3. I take sides, like in fights, arguments. It’s not something I am proud of, but if you’ve done something wrong to my friends, family, someone I care about and I have their part of the story and I believe them, then there is nothing in the world that will make me think anything positive about you, i.e. even if I cancel out the negative. Because somehow loyalty to my people comes into my mind. Even taking an opinion that is not on their side makes me feel like a betrayer. Very similar like a school fight, you’re on either team, there is no middle-no-opinion.

4.

Had other examples to prove my point, but then I left in-between and went and had breakfast (Unhealthy burger, not much cheese) and now can’t seem to think of my stupid ways.

Lesson Learnt: Never leave a piece in-between without jotting the next points somewhere.

God! This so feels like an awfully self obsessed piece. But hey, its my space… so whatever!

Tc!

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Just to say I’m still alive..

Its been a while since I’ve been here. actually, I would visit everyday, open the blog stats, visit my regular reads and then close it out. Work, mindlessness(don’t know if that’s even a word), words stuck in my throat, speaking with muted voice.. something similar was happening. 

So howz life going on? Having fun yet ?? No, I’m not mocking.. seriously.. I’m just asking..lol!

I’ve been busy with work and although there isn’t much work, most of the time I’m thinking about how to start my new role, what all strategy should I work on, how should I manage it all, arrange work, sort it all. Something that I’ve not done, yet need to mould into. It’s exciting, confusing, little nervous. I know I’ll take it all up and be super good at it but then only thing is there is no one to guide me, so I need to be cautious, extra cautious. 🙂 I sound nervous right,.. I am. 🙂

Btw I won that award I was talking about. 🙂 So its a brand new Microwave for mom (I get to buy it from the catalogue with the points I scored). Yay!!

Apart from that, Mr USA return was wanting to go out for the weekend, so he messaged me and then I replied that we can go for movie like on the weekend. Then we spoke a few days after and I was like who all are coming, he said I don’t know if you’re coming alone then I’ll come alone too , else I’ll get a friend, I was like we’ll get bored just the two of us. So finally Friday evening it was me, him and my sis. We went for ‘New Moon’ which was so good, except I missed Edward, And rest it was good jolly company. Since sis is a pretty fun person and the guy was all not al all snob but rather easy-going with any company, so it was fun. He didn’t hit on me or anything which was good actually.

Good time.

Haven’t stepped out of home entire weekend, have been glued to the guitar and now I got 3 songs in my kitty (all broken and not fluent) but will practice.

I’ve got-Lucky ali- kya aisa hi hota hai pyaar (almost perfect)

Greenday – time of you life (1 week more and then perfect)

Pearl jam – last kiss (this needs work, C-Chord ..kills my fingers)

So with bruised fingertips (left hand) I’m typing all this, sitting in my pyjama and smelly buffed up pullover. Btw Delhi has gone cold, I can’t imagine no socks.

Just oiled my hair, and will change and go to buy a cheap mobile after i get some tea (mom.. pleasee. I’m begging her and she’s snuck in the blankets ready to take her naps, which she calls jhapki, which is no close to quick 🙂 ). We had 4 mobiles, and only 1 is left working and me and sis keep switching our simcards and its been bloody irritating.

Wat a life.. music,, back to  guitar…some more bruises might make me feel of some worth. 🙂 I’m behaving like a loser I know.. 🙂

Btw New Year is here, you guys got plans???  I really want to go somewhere.. please take me with you. see such a loser state… lol!!

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Life is a Mayonnaise Jar

This is the story that I was telling you all about, that my friend sent me via mail and I like it.

Read on! Especially for people like me, who keep feeling like nothing is happening every once in few days. It  gives you clear wa y of looking at waht you’re doing and how it makes a difference in you life.

**********************************************************************

The Mayonnaise Jar
When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

 

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

 He then asked the students, if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

 The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.  He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

 He then asked the students again if the jar was full.  They agreed it was.

 The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

 The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively

filling the empty space between the sand.  The students laughed.

 

‘Now,’ said the professor,   as the laughter subsided,

‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – family,children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else –The small stuff.’

 

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’  He continued,

‘there is no room for  the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.’

 So… Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play With your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner.

 There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

 ‘Take care of the golf balls first -The things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’

 One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

 The professor smiled, ‘I’m glad you asked’. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’

 Please share this with other “Golf Balls”

I just did……

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