Monthly Archives: January 2011

Lame Hopes…yet again

So life had nothing much happening.. I did write a post sometime back, but the power went off and I have no back up for my pc so all got scraped and somehow the lovely Draft saving at wordpress did not keep it either. ūüė¶

Anyways, so life has been ok i guess, yeah i think so. Well, my friend k , who was supposed to go to London finally decided to stay back and that made me little happy. We’re not really thick but its good to have someone to call your friend yeah.

So there was this DJ night at a new place Shiro, at Hotel Samrat, and he asked if I wanted to go. My sis was returning from Mumbai in the noon, so I said I’ll confirm once she’s here. I also had my dance class and told him I would be home by 9pm. When I came back from dance I was not so much in the mood to go, but he insisted and then sis also agreed, so we went anyways.

P.S: Sis got so much of junk goodies from Mumbai. especially all funky bangles n stuff and she’s also thinking of starting business of that stuff in Delhi. Super cool!!

 

I took out a black dress with satin top and 3/4th sleeves and a stretchable material for the rest of the dress. I used to wear it a lot 1-2 years back and was little scared if it would fit or not. It did!!! but my tummy was bulging a lot. I wore it anyways and tried to suck in the fat rolls.

We reached and then got free entry without cover charges, coz we had called and inquired earlier. ūüôā then we thought of taking some drinks and K remembered he had some beer in the car, so we went back to the parking and then were looking at how to open the bottles. I learned how to open the bottles with my TEETH!!! ūüôā I had an entire bottle, K tried to turn it into bottoms up, but damn it was so fizzy and gassy and I didn’t even burp. I did a while later.

Then we went in and the ambiance was great. I was in some silly hope was feeling like I would meet someone today and kept looking around. Somethings never change i guess@! There was a cute firang there and I kept eyeing him, but he was interested in my sis and it made me sad for a while. They talked and he gave his card to her. Well, atleast he like someone.

 

After lot of dancing and getting little high and back to normal, we were outside where sis was sitting coz her feet were killing her, I smiled at guy who was passing me. He wasn’t my type at all and i didn’t do it intentionally, but just did. Then intentionally I looked him again and again, 2-3 times and smiled. He smiled back. Low self esteem makes you¬†slutty¬†and crack case. But I had no intentions of taking or anything. That was enough for me and I was feeling stupid already. We left after few minutes and the guy followed us. No one knew about all this except me..the culprit. We sat in the lobby coz it was raining, and he kept passing around the areas 4-5 times. I glanced back to see him and he kind of made a gesture for me to follow him. I got so bloody irked and scared. Even if I made a pass at you and you aren’t my type (looks wise), what kind of guy gestures a girl to come to the corner with her. Don’t you have any fucking guts and balls!? Jerk!! I think he thought I was some slut..even though..come upfront and talk yeah.. I hate wussies..

he kept loitering there and I paid him no heed. We left and he saw me leave, I had a good laugh in my heart over how confused he must be though. haha..

 

We went to a 24/7 to get something to eat coz it was 4:30am and we were starving. I didn get anything veg though and ate some waffers and a cup of hot tea. I loved the rain..

Sadly, my so hopes of finding someone were lame and stupid..like me..always..

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Not living enough..

Suddenly life seems like not enough.. It’s just one of those days when you feel like you’re breathing and eating and shitting.. but not living enough.

 

Why I feel this way? would be something I have to think about.

 

In general, I do feel that I’m moving at a much slower pace in my life, even if it be Made Rat Race of life that I’m in, the race of materialism and money, even if I hate to be in it, I still want to be ahead in it.

I see my friends who are doing much better, earning more, travelling more, living more and then I see myself, stuck with budgets, doing a 9-5 job, boring to death, cancelling all fun things where money is needed, not going with family on vacations coz that’ll be 4 people and right now I’m not even good for 1 person.

I feel selfish and sad today. I hate the responsibilities of my life today, I hate my situation and my struggles today. They make me want to cry, cry out loud coz I see others  at a much better place and no struggles.

 

I hate that I’m not that happy-go-lucky person, I hate that I’m not always slim and sexy, I hate that I can’t be where I want to be, I hate that I’m not compassionate and am filled with regrets and grudges. Today, I hate to be hating so much.

 

My sister has left for Mumbai today morning, with my friend D, to attend anotehr friends wedding. I didn’t go. Any guess why? First Expenses and second Grudges. Expenses that I did not want to make coz I had no money and even if I had I wouldn’t spend it on her wedding attendance, grudges because this friend was my school pal, her family also became very close to us, then her parents borrowed some 30K from my mom, without us knowing, and then they¬†disappeared¬†¬†overnight. 4 years later she got in touch and sent the check back¬†without¬†interest. Later I got to know she lost her father. But I hate her for breaking that trust, for cheating us. She is now rich and spends lavishly. ¬†When she was inviting us over and over again, I told her frankly I cannot spend so much just to see her get married, she asked that she would send the tickets and I did not agree. I don’t think I would have been happy to see her so well off and having all the happiness when I would be there on her pity and mercy.

 

I don’t feel like I’m a good person today, but still..I hope I will learn and get over this. I hope never to see this ‘Me’ again.

 

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My new Fitness blog..

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Hey guys!!

Since I’ve told myself a million times that I can get everything I want, but somehow have not stayed with the ‘Fit me’ for very long time. So this time, I intend to see how true I am to myself and smart up for my own sake.

Here’s a link to my new fitness blog.

I plan to will update it everyday with my workout routine and also daily diet. Some good and some inspiration is what I expect..watch out for the 1st Fitness post today evening…

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Older men ..and their ways..

Unlike what I would have liked, life is all about work these days…

To start with I’m still having trouble finding someone to share travel with and hence the¬†inconvenience¬†stays on my mind. I posted an add on some carpool site and then searched my options there. I found a cab and few other individuals travelling by themselves. I tried the cab, and it was so dull and also they were taking the full fare from me, but asking me to come to a pick point and drop me away from my place, so it didn’t make sense. Somehow I just cannot like with ‘Services that are Not Worth the hard earned money I spend on them’. Anyways, so I called many individual travellers, and mostly the timing was the problem, usually people leave office at the peak rush hours 9am-6pm, which to me is such a waste of time coz

a) ¬†you’re doing nothing in that time, not working,not enjoying, not resting, just sitting on your bum and getting fat and tired

b) the client I work for works 8am-5pm, so if I keep working after they leave, not so much helpul, coz there’s no one to answer my question and queries.

c) I have dance on Wednesday, and have to reach there by 7pm.

c) the more delayed I’m at work, the less I feel like going to gym. Something I CANNOT take lightly.

 

Then I spoke to a guy who reached office much late than my time, but then its ok, coz I don’t mind sleeping more and then its just temporary. But about going back home was an issue because he leaves late too. So I have been going with him in the mornings and in the evening I take ride with client cab. Although today I came with him and got late, but still reached gym.

That was all about the travel to work…

 

Now coming to the Older men thing. My new office is rather dull and not many people around whom I know or would like to know. Just on the corner of my floor there was a cabin which was always closed, ever since I joined, and then I saw it open couple of times. I was curious about who was there? I thought someone from my department and that I should atleast know which all big shots sit here. So a few times the thought crossed my mind and I just knocked on the door once. I peeped in to see an old man there, around 45-50yrs. He didn’t seem welcoming and asked what I wanted. I told him I was curious who sits here and then introduced myself. He asked me to sit and we had a brief introduction for 5-10 mins and he told me that he travels a lot, so he’s not around much. He was a big shot .

The next week I was on leave for 2 days and when I came back I saw he was there. He said hi and then he asked if I could come around sometime to have tea. I went to talk to him and we had a long chat for an hour or so. He told me that he was stuck with work when I first met him and just after I left, it got resolved. He was telling all the good and impressive things about himself. I was supposed to be impressed and was to. He talked about his professional journey and how he had started out. I like to hear that kind of storytelling you know. Its fun to hear from people who’ve achieved something. He asked my email id and then sent me mail saying that even today some stuck work of his got resolved after I met him. Then he said if I could share my mobile no. I shared it. Then in evening he sends me facebook request. I mean why???? I was so in doubt and didn’t feel good. I couldn’t decline, coz he might get offended and then I didn’t want to accept coz it personal! damn! i did accept and then restricted him from everything on my pages except general info. I also checked and found he had other girls from office added too. So I thought he might be the type you know, office and networking people added to facebook.

 

A few days later, I saw him again and he said I should come for tea again. Now he got chatting about women in his life, his love¬†marriage, how he’s always been a flirt and how he has enjoyed life. I didn’t mind listening to all that. I enjoyed it. The he asked me about my love life and I told him ever since I’ve been working I haven’t met anyone. He asked me how I was travelling and I told him my trouble. Then we got to know that he travels from near my place and said he could help out for couple of days, until I get something final for my travel. I said ok. It did seem too much but then I just jerked off that feeling. We traveled in his awesome car in the evening and kept chatting. He was mostly talking about his son and me about my bro and family things. While dropping me he asked, is it ok if I message you in the evening? I was getting off the car and didn’t think about it and said ok. Then in the evening I got his text that ‘should I pick you in the morning?’ I got a little greedy over the comfort of not having to arrange my travel thing everyday and said ok. Now this time I wasn’t thinking about anything weird about this old man and found him very helpful uncle type. At 11pm I get a text from him ‘Slept?’. I was like OMG!! what does he think?? I am going to chit-chat with him?? I got what his¬†intentions¬†were and then in the morning I texted him saying I was going with a friend.

 

I asked a colleague at office to ask her husband about this guy , coz her husband is also kina top shot and they all know each other ya. He said the old man was famous for this stuff. He also said that many femalesin office have been with him and made use of his position to rise in career.

 

I have not even moving around his office ever since. But I am so shocked to know that someone so polite and seemingly decent and OLD can turn out like that. He talked good to me and I kind of respected him. crazy man!!! I mean just because I was talking to him didn’t mean I was ready to make a deal and get something out of it all. Eww!! I really am shocked by all of it, even though I know these things happen, but something like this happening to you makes you doubt if you’re somehow responsible for them having the guts to make a move so cheap. I hate that guy!! I totally lost all respect for him and I know I shouldn’t, but I’m sure I would be all rude to him if I ever talked to him again, which would be so NOT initiated by me.

 

For now, I’m not even going to get water and ask my colleague to fill my bottle, coz his cabin is on the way and usually door is open. I slide through the walls and cross his cabin and when I come out I always look around to check he’s not there. ¬†It’s not that I’m guilty..no.. just that facing him would make me NOT feel good and bring to my face the fact that someone thought that I would go for such Cheap and disgusting stuff! and like my true self I wish I had never spoken to him at all. But then this is reality and I need to face it and learn from it.

 

Girls Beware of Older men..they’re WEIRD!!!

 

 

 

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2010 in review

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter‚ĄĘ reads This blog is on fire!.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A helper monkey made this abstract painting, inspired by your stats.

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 3,100 times in 2010. That’s about 7 full 747s.

 

In 2010, there were 46 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 250 posts. There were 2 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 115kb.

The busiest day of the year was December 7th with 74 views. The most popular post that day was Carrie Bradshaw “quotes”.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were en.wordpress.com, WordPress Dashboard, google.com, wedding.ebonito.com, and feeds.feedburner.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for carrie bradshaw quotes, best carrie bradshaw quotes, carrie bradshaw love quotes, carrie bradshaw relationship quotes, and carrie bradshaw quotes relationships.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Carrie Bradshaw “quotes” October 2009
8 comments

2

A reality based fiction poem October 2009
2 comments

3

About January 2008
9 comments

4

Something’s missing January 2010
2 comments

5

Just somethings.. June 2010
4 comments

1 Comment

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I need a New Plan & some peaceful TIME to think about it..

I’ve still not set my 2011 new year resolutions.. and this time I’m gonna take my time and put some value into them.

So few things to keep in mind before I set them out:

1. Do not¬†repeat the done ones , like learn something new, dance/music etc. the ‘new’ this year should actually Be New. Maybe art,sketching, something.

2. Be realistic and don’t put things there just because they seem so appreciative and make you proud (a usual trait of myself). Let’s say I will put the things that I Actually want to do Now, i.e This Year 2011, not those that I wanted years back or would want¬†in the future years.

3. Put some Numbers there. How much I want to save? How much I want to weight ? How many dates or boyfriends I want ?Figures please.

4. Also, put a Realistic End Date to each resolution and it should not be End of year. I know, I know, that’s what resolutions mean, but what I’m saying is , I will benchmark each resolution to the time it will actually take, set up equal intervals through the year and distribute the resolutions across the time intervals, such that I’m not overwhelmed with too many things together,¬†¬†not guilty that I haven’t done/started anything yet and through the year I feel like I am actually working on something, reaching somewhere.

5. Need to include breaking and making habbits. And by habbits I mean things that I do EVERYDAY, not once in a while. (Gosh! I can think of so many bad ones instantly!!)

6. Reality Check on every resolution please! I usually go overboard with wishful thinking and it leaves me all sulky at end of year. So keepin them real is the deal.

 

 

Now All I need is some PEACEFUL time to think and get these down.. soon maybe.

 

P.S : I’ve been blogging from office lately and I Love it!!

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Inspiration from Mom

–Again a draft saved, something I planned to submit over a article write up, but didn’t—

I did my early education in boarding school, so I thought I knew my parents really well, until I started living with them and I shockingly surprised, especially with my mom.

Through my growing years I always thought she was a normal housewife who only looked at different recipes and decoration ideas (which she did), but to my surprise there was so much more to her.

My mom was brought up in a very orthodox atmosphere, she never went out with friends, did not have any male friends and she was married away at the age of 23, by only showing her a picture of the groom.

It was when we moved with mom to Delhi for 10+ studies and Dad was working in Assam, that I really got to know her. I found her to be so different from what she was brought up on, she trusted us and encouraged us to make friends with boys, she let us hang out with friends and let us have our own space. But she also cared enough to make sure we never crossed our deadlines and question me when she caught me kissing a guy.

She herself was trying to find new directions in life. She joined a computer program and learnt computers, she joined a product distribution program and became an agent and she took care of the household too.

I lost my Dad to livercirrhosis after couple of years and then left with no money or support, she fought with m grandparents, who wanted to get me and my sister married off and got us through our education.

Today, when I am an independent woman, still I have doubts about myself, I think a million times before I trust my instincts, but she, my mom, she just takes the plunge, she believes in herself and never ever have I seen her being less enthusiastic about learning something new. Even though what she takes doesn’t always be fruitful, it doesn’t stop her from marching right into another challenge.

Last year, she learnt swimming with me and my coach gave her example to every new student. This year she’s learning Tarot Cards and I’m sure she will be much more than I can even imagine.

I see her as a powerhouse of faith, believe, strength and hope.

She’s my POWERPUFF WOMAN!

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