I have a lot of free time on me these days and this means that even if I am doing something it is out of will or in a very non rushed manner (except when I visit the office a few times). How this free-non-rushed things affect me is that they make me aware of the questions in my mind.
I am listening to that voice which questions a lot and makes everything seem so meaningless unless I have an answer to it.
This is a time in my life when I am questioning myself and the life around me, but the answers are what I’m hoping to find, discovering them, learning from them, searching for them.
The questions that are mostly in my head are:
What am I meant to do in this life?
What do I WANT to do in this life?
What is my REASON for existence?
How does one find their true calling?
Can life be different than the society norms and yet be complete and fulfilling?
Why do you need marriage and kids?
One can live happily alone, forver?
Does everything have to be in the pattern that society has set, school-college-job-savings-house-car-marriage-kids-more savings-and again the viscous circle…
What if I don’t want all this? can i live happily alone?
Why do people take others responsibilities and complicate their lives?
What if I don’t want to get caught in all this? Am I escaping facing the path of life?
What if you are only responsible for yourself? Wouldn’t that be so freeing and so relieving? No responsibility no obligation no tension?
I want to know the answers myself before I involve anyone else into these puzzles.
Is a broken relationship of childish teenage dreams the reason why I feel so distant from the concepts of companionship and togetherness of a lifetime?
Is this the influence of The Boss which makes him my ideal and I want the same kind of freedom like him?
Why do I call it freedom? Why do I feel so bound right now? Why does it feel trapped and obligated? Why dosen’t my will overcome this feeling of weighed down?
These are important questions and the answers will make my life. I may get caught in the rat race of life, but I will not forget these questions and I will always look for the answers within and outside.