Monthly Archives: January 2010

The Sister Act!

Family is the closest thing we have in our life and we may or may not realize this, but they make us who we are. I realize this so every time I say ‘I’, I see them helping grow and nurture the small ‘i’ to a now capital ‘I’, I see them holding up the ‘I’ that starts stressing and bending down, supporting it and giving it strength to stand straight and survive, I see them peeping from behind my every proud ‘I’.

Amongst this great support wall of family, there is one brick that stands close to you all the time. Sisters, I feel they are the guardian angles sent by God to be by your side and play the different roles that you need in various times of your life. She becomes your mentor when you don’t have anyone to guide you, she plays your confidant when you need to lighten your heart, she becomes a shield when you’re found guilty, she becomes your friend when all others have left.

I have an elder sister and there is not a day that goes by without me feeling a thankfulness for having her in my life. We have been very close since childhood and being brought up in boarding school made us even more closer. She used to always complain that I followed her around, that I fought with her friends, that she had to make up for all my mistakes and rude behavior, but whenever I was alone she would come and quietly sit by my side.

You may not always have the same interests, choices or aims, but what’s amazing is that even with all the differences, she makes you feel like being her. You may fight like crazy cats, but later you will always think what she said was somewhat right. You may feel she steals or breaks all your friendships, but in your heart you know she’s your best friend for your lifetime. There may be jealousy pangs and fight over boys, but when you’re heartbroken, she will help it heal and tell you’re worth much more. There may be times you wish you never had her, but you always miss her when she’s not around. At times of hopelessness and doubts, she becomes your Ray of Hope and assure you to be deserving and getting all you want. No once comes in as handy as a sister, an angel in disguise, God’s way to take care of you and be by your side.

So let’s cherish this beautiful bond and celebrate it everyday and not just one. To all you sister’s, our loving guardian angels from God!

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Thanking God!

On my way to work today morning, my office cab met with a minor accident. The driver was sleepy and he dozed off while driving and hit the cab into a few divider construction blocks that were kept along the divider (bloody municipality in this country) and then the car screeched for anther 500 meters and then halted.

I work really early hours i.e morning 7 to 4 in the evening, so I usually board the cab by 6:30am and reach office by 7:15, but Delhi has been playing hide and seek with the thick and thin mist this month, and today it was thick mist. However, when we hit the car, on that road it was all clear and I think that’s why the driver took the ease in closing his eyes for a few seconds.

We were only 2 girls sitting in the back seats in the cab and we were sleeping(as usual) and when I heard the cab hit and felt myself been thrown forward to push hardly into the front seat, I didn’t open my eyes, I was scared to death. the first thought that came to my mind was ‘What did we hit?’, instantly my mind was seeing some accident scene kind of blurred thoughts forming images and then I opened my eyes. All this happened within seconds. When I opened my eyes I saw no vehicle in front or back and was relived. We quickly got out of the car and saw the damage done, which was quite a lot, thanked god that nothing more happened and then called the transport to inform about the same. I was scared, really scared! I kept on thanking god that nothing worse happened and there were no vehicles around else the accident could be a major one.

After thanking god a lot of times and feeling little relived, I realized that in the morning when I came to sit in the cab the driver was sleeping in the cab, I woke him up and sat in the cab, he immediately woke up and started driving. I wanted to tell him to freshen up and wake up properly but I didn’t, then we started moving to pick this other girl who lives around 5 minutes from my place and on the way we almost  about to hit a huge crane machine  face to face and the driver took a quick cut and we were safe, at that time also I felt like saying something but I didn’t. We picked her and started moving, now the driver was moving at a speed and seemed to be in good condition, so I slept off, but there was this feeling of something weird, wrong is to happen. It was an intuition that I felt of something going wrong and yes even the thought of the car hitting something came to my mind, but I ignored it and said to myself that ‘the driver will have to be alert now and take care’ (I so clearly remember this thought) and within 10-15 minutes we had hit an accident. I ignored my gutt feeling, I ignored my intuition and it was right, even f I had said something the driver or the other girl would be more cautious. Oh god!

Lesson learnt:  ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUTT FEELING. It’s mostly true (and not only talking about this time)

I can’t seem to thank god  that no one was hurt and we are all safe. It also immediately made me think of how worse things could have got and what impact it would have, how my family would get affected. Thank you god for being with me and keeping me safe!

Strange as it sounds, even a small jerk can make you aware of how lucky ou are to be normal and safe. I may be thinking too much but it seems like this was a way og God to answer my prayer and tell me that the only thing missing (as in my last post) is ‘my appreciation towards everything I have in life and also towards my life’.

Thank you god!

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Something’s missing

Why does my life seems so empty right now? There is so much I want, so much to want and yet all seems like a dream far away. I know we people usually crib about things and don’t appreciate much of what we have, yet there is a space, like a missing link, like I’m wandering on the wrong streets with a blank paper with no address on it.

I know, I’ve written this many times, and yet again I can’t help saying, I feel so in the wrong place, at work, in relationships, in friendships, in my family. So all gone wrong. A mismatch of  what really is and how it is.

I’m not sure how am I going to take this through, maybe tomorrow I read this and laugh at myself for being so silly or maybe I would still feel sad about how this all is. how my life is. Hmmp! sigh*

Why don’t I feel like I’m living, LIVING my life?  I never thought this would be me and how I am. really! I’m sad yes, maybe that everyone is moving in life and I am not, but how can just comparison make you feel so small and worthless if you have what you want. I’m not happy from my heart. I feel like I’m cutting a bit of my skin everyday and feel so sore in my heart. It’s sad. very sad. I won’t deny it.

The only thing that give me some satisfaction is that I am doing something for my family. I’m not hopeless just not able to see how it will work. I know it will, yet there is a thought that it shouldn’t get too late. I’m worried. When I see other girls and their well settled families I wonder how come I am not there? When and why did God choose this path for me? If I am the diamond that he is polishing with hardships, to make it shine bright, then let me tell you god, it’s hurting now, cutting me now, and then there is a very slight possibility that it may break to pieces. Very slight now, but you must stop. Haven’t we seen enough? 

Strange as it seems even to myself, I do turn to god when there are no answers. I question him as to why me. He has a reason and we know that is true, yet sometimes it feels like if only he could whisper the reason for why into your sleep then I could wake up and laugh through this all, anything at all, coz I would know he told me why and I know.

This is getting more sad as I keep typing. Feel little light though, but there is something so missing. What? tell me ? It’s screaming in my head now.

I better leave..now..Sorry if this made you sad too.

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A new phase: The Wedding Part 2

So, my friend ‘B’ got married yesterday. She moved on to a new phase of life, leaving her singledom and moving to a family and a spouse with promises of being together for good or worse. It was great. Lovely! I wish her all the love and luck in life.

The events started with the mehndi (as explained earlier) and there were songs and dance and so much fun. We were up till 1 am and then curled into the quilts on mattresses that were laid on the living room floor (this is usually how 20-30 guests are accomodated into a 4 people space), then we kept chatting for like 2 hours and then we were hungry, so we ate a midnight snack and some more chatting and then slept for some 5 hours to wake up and start again. Btw by we, I mean me, ‘B’ (the bride) and ‘A'(the friend who was to come over to my place).

A little history here. ‘B’ and ‘A’ have been friends since 2nd year of college. ‘A’ and I have been friends since 1st year of college, although I never feel her being my best friend or anything and she would always take money and help from me and then not return anything. I’ve never found her friendship to be honest and full, maybe I wasn’t honest and full friend too. Anyways, we managed to be friends because ‘S’ was with us both and she was more close to ‘A’ and me to ‘S’. Then in 3rd year me and ‘S’ split due to her boyfriend and him agitating our differences and then I moved into a place with me, ‘A’ and one more girl. We became friends then, but still not so much. Then in final year I was living alone and she wanted a sharing space, so she moved in and then also we were not so close, coz she’s so interfering and opinionated and hypocrite. Anyways, so ‘B’ would come to our place and then we would all go to college together, hitchhiking or her car and lot of times we wouldn’t go at all. ‘B’ would come and slip into the quilt and sleep and then we would wake up, go for tea and breakfast, then come back and get ready, then go roaming around, and she would leave for her place in the evening. This was our routine for almost 1 year. Then it seemed like nothing, but now seems like so much fun.

Now coming back to the wedding.  We went for the mehndi and ‘A’ was adamant that we will not stay at ‘B’s place, because she was not well and she was saying she will be uncomfortable there with so many family people around. Finally we could not go back to my place coz ‘B’ didn’t let us and also there was no one to drop us. So we stayed at her place and then went back home the next afternoon. The next day was her engagement and we(me and A) went to the parlor and got our hair straightened and came back home and got dressed and got very late. We were almost 2 hours late and thank god the event was just 5 min from my place. We reached and saw the event, my mom and sis also came. It was fun Her ring was beautiful, so many big diamonds. Great! 🙂 The we went back home at around 1am and dozed off. We were to reach her place the next day early morning for the ‘chooda ceramony’, where the girl is given sets of red bangles from her uncle (mom’s brother) and she has to wear them for minimum next 40 days after her marriage, girls wear it till 1 year also. But we were sleeping and all so we missed that and woke up late and then packed our stuff and reached her place around 4pm. We all left for the hotel where she was to be wed. The next 5 hours was her make-up and hair and all and she looked gorgeous and we also got ready. I wore a lehnga and looked good and different, coz all others were clad in sarees. 🙂 The next was her garlands ceremony and then all the party continued. We left for her home around 3am and reached home and chit-chatted for another hour and dozed off. We woke up after another 5 hours and started getting ready for the last wedding ceremony. This was to take place in the temple and we wore slawars uits. The ceremony started and her parents started crying and she was also crying and we cried a little too. Then we cam back to her home for the ‘bidai ceremony’, where the girl is finally sent away to her husband and in-laws, so she finally leaves her home. This is very emotional and sad. B was crying a lot and her parents also, we cried a lot too and then she left. We left her place after another hour or so and then back home. A left to her place directly. I came home and my award from office that is my microwave was home . 🙂 I cooked maggie in it and ate it. yumm!

Then office today. Little boring and even though I hae work with today’s deadline I’m not feeling like doing it. Thank god tomorrow is holiday – our Republic Day. Will be home and go shopping. hopefully.

Got my guitar class today, but will cancel it, I have touched my guitar since last week.

The day after tomorrow I will start with gym. sure.

yesterday at home I was taking to this friend from college, he knows B and A also. I was telling him that it seems like everyone is moving and I am still here. Like my life is stuck here in this web and nothing’s happening. I don’t want to get married or anything, but I want to move to a better phase in life.

Howmuch ever i ignore my inner voice, but its in my blood that this isn’t the thing for me. I need to be somewhere else.  God help me! tell me how! show me a way. please! please! listen to me! please!

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The Wedding: Part 1

My weekend was a total blast and I has such a good time. As I had told you’al I was tobe attending my friend’s (twin) sister’s wedding this weekend and so I did. Details? Sure… 🙂

So the entire schedule was starting with mehndi, which we did not attend, as it’s mostly close relative or friend’s and we’re not so close to my friend’s sister. For those who don’t know what’mehndi function’ is, this is a custom where the bride’s palms and feet are decorated with a temporary coloring material, it’s called menhdi. This is like a very traditional design patterns are drawn and then it is left to dry out, which makes the color become dark. There’ this saying that the darker the color comes out, the more your husband will love you. There is also another very good custom that within the design pattern the groom’s name is also drawn and hidden in broken pieces, so its like a game the couple can play at the wedding night, to find his name on her palms. Actually, its more of a teasing game as the bride can keep him waiting till he finds the name. 🙂 Fun na! This is usually a ladies event, the bride and other women also get mehndi and the women are signing traditional songs with dholak , but nowadays the men also enjoy it as much and join in, although they don’t get mehndi done. 🙂

The second event was the engagement ceremony, which we again did not attend. But I got to see the rock on the brides finger and oh my god! its beautiful. It was like a band covered with small diamonds and a big solitaire in the middle. Amazing!! I mean if you have gifts like this who wouldn’t love to get married. 🙂 Or it atleast blurs out the aftereffects of a marriage for sometime. lol!

The third event was the ‘Baraat’. Finally we did attend. This is ceremony where the groom and his family arrive to take away the bride. The groom is on horseback, female horse only, don’t know why though, and there is a moving music band before it and the entire groom’s family dances like crazy to the music. They enter this way from the hotel enterance to the  hall enterance. Then they are welcomed by the bride’s family with flower garlands and some money/gifts for the grooms family. Before the groom enters there is another custom, that the tobe sister-in-laws will stop the groom from entering. He has to give her whatever she asks for, money/gift whatever, so in a way he has to bribe the sister-in-laws to meet his bride. Fun thing, especially when you’re friends of the sister-in-law. We asked for 5lakh and got five thousand only. Then he enters, the bride comes to him, dressed in traditional wear, they both sit on a stage and all the guests keep coming to bless the to-be-couple and get their pictures clicked. There’s also drinks and dinner for all. So it’s all a good party, except for the couple, coz they don’t move around and have to sit there on the stage and get all the blessing. But its fu for them also, they keep chit chatting in whispers and stealing loving glances at each other. Awwww! We were supposed to leave for home in the morning but my friend didn’t let us, so we attended two functions (celebration events) in the same dress, which was a peach colored saree and I was looking good but plump.

Then the groom does not take the bride but instead she returns home, because they are not married yet. The next morning is the marriage in real terms. Both families reach the gurudwara (a temple) and here the ceremony of binding them together in the matrimony in god’s presence is done. It’s all very emotional and even though I am not so close to the bride, I cried 2 times. It’s all a matter of letting go. The bride also cried a lot. After they were announced married, we headed back to the bride’s place, because in real terms that is where she needs to leave forever. The groom is also there and all the guests as well. We had to run around to make sure everyone is getting attended to and then the bride leaving the house ceremony began. Her parent’s and family were all crying and we cried too. She finally left and we came back inside. 

Then I realized that it was Sunday already and next day was office. I left for home and then again my friend and her fiance pulled me along for their meeting, coz they weren’t allowed to meet alone. 🙂

Over all, very good time. All this will be reapeated over this week again, for my friend’s wedding, and I am still to buy a saree to wear. Maybe will go today after work.

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Here again..

I’ve been keeping away from my free-mind-space for a while now, and it’s not like I’ve been intending it to be this way, just so happened that nothing much has being going on that I could put words up for, or let’s say that nothing I found worthy has happened. And yet, I will take you through a sneak-peak to the worthless last few weeks (in no particular order).

So our CEO was to arrive and there was a small event put up for this welcome. I decided to participate and was taken up in the dance group. (I just stopped here and went back to check if I had already said this before, and yes I had. So thank god I’m not repeating stuff!). So the entire week we had the practices at this studio of the choreographer who was asked to help us out,but I think her studio ws the most helpful rather than her dance. 🙂  Anyhow, I knew only one person from the group of 12 people. So, it was bit awkward int he beginning, but soon we all got lot of dance and fun done. I used to reach office , work for 2 hours (actually 30 min, 1 and half hours to settle in, read mails) and then head for the dance session and then come back after 3 hours, then work for 3-4 hours and leave for home. Also, I was visiting the other office, not where I work from, so it was a good change. Some fun. We had the performance on Jan5 and ours was by far the best dance. 🙂 The next day was work, which was so bugging. The next few days I spent sharing videos and pics with whatsoever people I know. So okay.

Now comes the weekend. Saturday was a sick day with a sick me. I slept past noon and when I woke up I had this stomach ache. Really pinching type, like someone’s pricking you with needles on the inside of my fat rolls (yes they are there now). Hell! I think it was something like gastric or something, and I didn’t have it in me to go to the doctor, so I took the whatever home remedy mom gave and slip back into the quilt. Btw, my god its been cold here, deadly. I woke up again when it was dark and then stuck to my guitar and kept myself happy with the strumming. These stomach ache things have been happening on noticeable frequency and mostly weekends. Crap! I’ve not even crossed 25. hmmph! But I think it’s because of my spoilt eating habits. I hardly eat good food anymore. Breakfast is a good mayonnaise sandwich and lunch is again crappy food from the cafeteria, evening I reach home with a feeling that I need something to feel better and then its some munching with some junk food and even if I’m full, I take dinner. ?? It’s like my health sense has died or hibernates.

Sunday, has plans to meet a friend, but he lives a little far, so I asked him if he could drop me and sis home after we I asked if he could drop me and sis after we meet and he goes like ‘ahhh.. let me see’. Seriously! what’s with boys these days? I mean if you become little sweet without any of your selfish interest would it KILL YOU? I’m sick of such selfish people. I mean if I had a car and could come and go then I would, but I don’t so I’m asking you, so have some curtsy, even if you have no interest in me and we’re only friends, wold it kill if you could be helpful. I could slap someone right now (only guys).

Anyways, so he was like ‘aah.. let me call you back’. Then he messaged that ‘Can’t make it, something imp has come up’. OK. GO TO HELL! So spent sunday also at home, oiled my hair, slept off.

Guys don’t pay attention/curtsy if you’re only friends and there is no scope/interest of anything else happening. Have you seen guys behaving like this? or is it only with me.

Monday, I woke up with some stomach ache type thing. Weird. I was in no mood to go to office and I knew there wasn’t anything important either, so I took an unplanned leave. And the stomach ache kept starting up and go down. Played the guitar, watched TV. Nothing else. In the evening just before my Guitar class, my manager calls and tells me to get online and get this problem resolved with the business  and the first time I faced the side effect of carrying office laptop. I got the work done while learning guitar and hated that. So divided attention and all. But learnt a new song from the now very hit movie ‘ Give me some sunshine, give me some rain, give me another chance I wana grow up once again’. Really good movie and nice song. I’m still not fluent on it, so practicing.

Came back to work on Tuesday and back to my old office space. Few more videos and pictures sharing. Boring, boring! was ringing in my head and I decided to go to the other place on Thursday (that was yesterday). 

Yesterday, I went there and this guy from the dance group kept bugging me as when I’ll meet him. I kept avoiding.

I had called ‘A’ as his office was just behind my building, and had told him to make some plan, which he was not so excited about. Well, what can I say, he’s grown up, atleast that’s the excuse he uses. It’s so sad, we used tobe good friends once, we still are, but now he’s moved to a more serious type of person and more mature, he doesn’t enjoy clubbing and he doesn’t make effort to meet. It’s sad. But beyond that I can’t do anything. Even yesterday it was so sad, so changed. He wasn’t like my friend. Maybe its in my head, but I’ve lost the person who would understand what I said and share them. I miss him. 😦 He finds my talks kiddish and not mature. I agree, but we were able to talk about so much earlier and now we drove 40 minutes without talking anything significant (to either of us). Hmpp! Also, another thought came to my mind while we were driving, that what if last when all that happened between us would have actually taken a meaning? How would it be if we were together? Was it even possible? and then I knew the answer, NO it wasn’t possible, 🙂 But somehow being back with him felt little good also (apart from the sadness), him driving, me talking and irritating him. Reminded me of so much. Good Ol’ days!!

We drove around and then picked up sis and then went to a good open cafe and froze up and had hot coffee and ate and then some delicious desert. We moved and then sis wanted to booze so we picked up some white rum for the car and drank while driving slowly around lonely roads. Please don’t complain, it was all safe and all. Reached home around 11pm and then was awake until A reached his place and then slept off.

Today, woke up early and in office. I don’t feel like working at all and have been doing other things since morning, except work. 🙂 Feeling exhausted, don’t know why though. Thank god its weekend tomorrow.

Weekend plans are also something in vision. My college friend’s twin sisters wedding tomorrow, so will be going there, haven’t even picked out what to wear. Then next weekend is her wedding, so need to buy a saree for that event and also but a gift for her, this weekend. So ya, I think I’ll be busy. And yes, another college friend will be coming over to stay at  my place, this weekend and next weekend also, coz she lives far away and my place is much closer to the event and all. I don’t really like her too much, but its ok.

Whatever!

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Best new Year wishes…

Just curious, what were the funny/great new year wishes you got??

Mine was:

‘Happy New Year! Wishing you all the luck and may all your dreams come true..blah ..blah..blah..WTF! Wish you lots of money, sex, orgasms and may you hit the Jackpot!’ 🙂

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