Ready or Not?

The absence of love life in my life is quite a dillusion to me. I really don’t know how I feel about it. Am I sad that no one is crazy in love with me? Am I happy with the empty space in life and only-advertisment-messages on my phone?

I’m actually kind of numb to it. No reaction. Like some dead part.

Sometimes I do think about having someone who likes me and smile away and dream on, but even in those dreams, its never a close relationship I see, its either someone who likes me and I know about it or vice versa. Its mostly flirting I think.

I’ve almost even stopped considering guys as prospects now. I hardly meet anyone and haven’t felt that way about anyone. Mostly I think I avoid such situations.. just weirdly!

If I had a perfectly nice guy standing at the door and waiting for me, I’m not sure if I would open the door or not. Am I ready for another person in my life?

I don’t think so.. and maybe reasons could be:

– Self conciousness. I don’t feel at all smart, sexy or wanted, not even to myself.  I am not happy abuot what reflects on the outside, so I don’t think I could accept anyone else accepting this me, whom even i don’t accept and want to change.

– Family. I feel guilty when I have too much fun and then I come back home to see my mom and bro at home. I feel like I need to keep them happy first. I know it can’t always be done, but I don’t like the guilt. Maybe having someone else in my life and sharing the love and attention will make me father away from them, I wuold hate myself if this happened. I do tend to get pretty involved when something new comes my way and I don’t think I can take that right now.

– Being with someone means taking and giving much more. I’m not sure I have any of the givingness left in me anymore. Infact, if I know myself even a little bit, I’m going to be all Needy and taking all the time, whatever it be, attention, love, care, money. I am not in sharing state or mode and I don’t know how that switch can be turned on either. Can someone love me without you giving back as much? I don’t know truely but I am little biased towards the negative answer on this.


Only time can tell where love and my life will meet.. but for now.. I don’t feel ready for it.



Filed under dating, family, feelings, Interesting, interpret, life, love, personal, realtionships, secrets, thoughts

2 responses to “Ready or Not?

  1. “Only time can tell where love and my life will meet”
    – i really like this one. 🙂
    all my other friends have their bf’s now. and i’m like single since birth..
    but after I’ve read this, i think there’s really no reason for me to force myself to like someone so i can fit in with the others. ^^ i also think that i need to stay with my family for now 😀

  2. drop your guard a bit….lawd girl…smile…life is going to be just fine. I’m sure you’re beautiful, sexy and let one of us men embrace you and let you know how wonderful you are!


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