Latest in my life

Well, new things aren’t happening at a pace, yet it feels like change is coming around.

For one, I got my promotion. Yay!!! The money may not be so good, but still it is something and then it also means that I am done waiting for 1 less thing. Right?

Next, Diwali is over and so are my 1 week leaves, which I spent doing nothing at all, I just wasn’t in the plan mode at all, I never am, and I did not make the extra efforts it takes to plan out, even if meant a 1 days trip. Whatever!

I saw a few office love inspired movie / series and now I’m quite inspired to have my own story to tell.  In the inspired mode I have thought of looking around my office and outside for good prospects and once I see one, definitely act on it. Also I replied to my boss’s happy diwali mail and the reply was ONLY to him, nothing much in the content thoughh, just thanks and wish you the same, but still it was a 1:1 thing I did. Eeeee!!! btw the movied I watched was Bridget Jones Diary and the series Mahi Way. I know Bridget’s story isn’t exactlya good example but the thing is taking initiative. Even if there is a small chance there, one should explore it. What is the worse that could happen? he’s not interested / or engaged or seeing someone? that’s ok, nothing to loose.

Another thing, Bridget inspired me to do, write the Diary.

After the diwali week, its also time to get back to the Diet and Gym. Its not like I left, but yeah did miss couple of days and did eat couple of sweets (ok a little more than couple). Now get the target back on track. 7kgs in 2 months is the target people.

 

Also, regarding my release, talks will start soon with client and search for new person will follow. Mid- December, I will be off from here. But before that I need to get my passport in place. Seriously.

 

That’s all that’s happening here. You tell me howz life there?

 

 

 

Do you like Steady? Settled?

A friend of my got married a year ago at the age of 24, for me its pretty soon but to each his own so. She was initially having troubles adjusting to her husband’s thoughts and the new family, but now she’s settled in well. I spoke to her about a week ago and she told me “life is settled you know, its all set and steady”. I was happy for her, but actually it sounded little boring too.

I mean in my life too, when thing become little too much the-same-way-everyday or you know scheduled around the same events, I find it boring, yes relaxed but boring.

 

Would you call being settled and steady ‘Boring’?

 

And seriously I can’t live with boring. I can hang on to it for a while, but then questions of ‘why am i alive?’ and ‘what am I here on this earth for?’ start floating in my head, which sometimes really makes me want to give up the boring life and might as well become a Buddhist. So seriously, being bored is really dangerous for me!

 

I wouldn’t say make my life an episode of ‘The survivor’ but yes, some spice, some new faces, some new places, something new basically has to come around often. Like in the movie ‘Jab We Met’, Geet says ‘bas babaji ab is night ko boring bana do’.. not sure that is what I want.

 

Something so funny happened today, I was at my jazz dance class and we were just starting out the warm up, and as I looked at myself in the mirror with the entire batch doing warm up, I couldn’t help but smile, the thoughts that came to my mind were something like ‘ Now you’re doing what you enjoy, look at yourself, you’re at a dance class, learning something, this is so cool’. I became so happy.

Something made me feel very happy. Something spontaneous. Something new.

 

You know even if I get married, I wouldn’t want to get a office, home, family, settled thing, I would like a husband who’s adventurous and we’d go out, camps, treks, separate trips, together trips. A happening life.. a settled and happening life.

 

 

Resolutions 2011!

Like I had promised to this blogspace, you all and myself..here are the Resolutions 2011..as if they have been accomplished

1. Wow I can speak French!   I started learning in April 2011 via Online tutorials and if I got lucky to meet someone to practice speaking it with too. I started Start date – April 2011. It’s the end of the year and I can speak proper entire grammatically correct sentences in French now. Merci beau coup!

2. I got an awesome 20% hike in salary from June 2011 onwards.

3.  I had got my passport in June 2011.

4.  I had got released from my last project in July 2011 and then I got my awaited Onsite project for New York in August 2011. Amazing!!! I was so thrilled ! YAY!! I’ve also been earning a lot of money here and saving almost 40% of it, even after I send 40% home and have 20% to myself, its more than enough for me.

5.  My apartment in New York is amazing. Its exactly what I had dream of. So much like Carrie’s apartment.

6. I’ve learned how to save money. I had been saving 10% of my salary since April 2011 until I moved to New York.  And I saved it all and gave it to mom before coming here.

7.  I learnt how to swim underwater in summers of 2011.

8. I have been a religious follower of Yoga since March 2011. Its become part of my life now, part of me, its just as important as waking up for me. I weighed myself in beginning of June 2011 to be 50 kgs and today I just weighed to be at the same.

9. I have learnt so much Yoga this year. I read books and then took some classes back in India. It really opened my mind to so many new things about our life, body, peace. I just started teaching Yoga here in New York at a centre.

10. I have finished my first novel. It is in review with many publishers and the offers are pouring in. I started writing it in July 2011 and completed it in November 2011.

11. Boys had been plenty this year. I had dated 3 guys back in Delhi, obviously one at a time and they were all nice. 2 indians and 1 firang. It was a good experience and I also parted as friends with them, no ugly endings, coz we were on the same page before starting anything. Here in New York, I have been dating guys, and mentionable is only 1 since, he’s who I’m currently dating. So far so good.

12.  I have learnt so much about nutrition. partly along with Yoga and also because in March 2011 I had developed a liking for cooking. I try and expirement and its usually good.

13. I have been taking good care of myself since April 2011, and I feel and look beautiful ,my skin is glowing and clear, my hair is strong and shiny, my abs and thighs are tight and maintained. I love it!

14.  Mom n sis have taken car and moved to a beautiful house in Delhi with a big lawn. I’ve been sending good money there and they’re putting into the house & car EMI.

15. I did great in jazz at Delhi, got promoted, was able to do 3 pirouettes and then when I came to New York i found this amazing studio near my place. I’ve been learning  there  almost every day and its getting better. I can do a full split now. 🙂 Believe me!

16 . As a person also I’ve grown so much. I’ve overcome my fear of people not liking me and how I wanted to please everyone. I feel more confident today and its not only because of the looks, its more because I accept myself and the face that not everyone can like me. I am more relaxed and sorted now.

17. I have been travelling so much around New York. Almost every weekend I make plans with friends here. Its great to see this country. Next month December 2011, is planned for Europe – Italy. With the one i’m dating now. 🙂 wow!!

18. I had also won the Fiction writing contest for a magazine in India in April 2011.

19. I got a tattoo done from Kat Von De Camp in Miami. Its brilliant!!

20. I have also generated a good habit of brushing my teeth before sleep since March 2011. :)))

That was One hell of a Year!! Totally amazing!!!

I love starting afresh..

I love this feeling, this phase, when you put yourself at the starting point again, when everything behind you just can’t reach you coz you’re stepping into another world altogether, when all your hopes, dreams, aspirations, energy comes alive like you were re-born.

 

It’s the phase I’m in. And I’m lovin it!!!

 

I’m not very sure what led me to get here, maybe feeling too low for a while made me bounce back, maybe the summer coming on and making you feel like you can come out of those layers and comfy zone and definitely feeling so sad about avoiding myself and not doing enough for me.

 

Whatever the reason… it’s here.. this amazing new zeal, energy and plans.

 

So here are my plans..

1. Health – I can’t stress enough on this one. I am starting yoga tomorrow and my target is to do it everyday for continuous 21 days..coz I heard that’s the no. of days you need to make anything a habit. early morning, before office. 45 min – 1 hour everyday. Some breathing exercise, and some power yoga. Also, next month I begin Swimming. And dance classed 2 days a week are already going on.  I’m leaving gym for now, also I realized that whenever I gym, my intentions are always loose weight, which according to the theory of ‘laws of attraction’ is not good, coz it will only bring me more circumstances to think ‘loose weight’.  I may be giving excuses to myself, but there is also a fact that I can only do much activities in a week and I’m picking the things I enjoy the most. I’m convinced!

2. Work  –I’m going to go easy on myself here. Do things, yes, work hard , yes, but also remind myself that this is just part of whatever I am, it  alone dosen’t define who I am and also its ok to relax and work. I really get over stressed, like I did last 3 weeks and get into the hurricane which is self created. Partly I also need to continuously improve my management skills and that will ease it more for me. Relax, Enjoy, Live while at work, breathe while at work. Its just work! Aim for a good hike that is due in May end. Enjoy!

3.  Money Saving –I’ve been avoiding this for years now and placing hide and no seek. So lets seek it out! Whatever there is to it, there is nothing that I can’t handle! I’ve decided to save some part of my salary and put that into the some tax saving areas. I’ll also save some up for planning trips and other things on my wishlist..on top is the tattoo, which I have my design with me too, but just waiting for money to save.

 

4. New Year’s Resolutions list –I cheated on it,haven’t decided them yet. I did however put the guidelines of how I should find them. This is my target for this week. I’m already 3 months into the new year, so I’m getting this done this week. Put it out there for the universe to fetch them for me and bring all that I want to me. Infact, I have an idea, I’m gonna write my resolutions like I’ve completed them. Superb!

 

5. Self Care  – Now I’m not getting any younger right, but I want my skin, hair , everything to get younger and better. I am going to make some changes to my daily routines.  It’s important for me and yet I have neglected it, but now I will learn to take care of myself and give myself all the attention and love that I deserve.

 

6. Boys and Dating – Well, I have been open to it for a while now, but now I’m gona take it easy, not think so much about the long run and stuff. I just want to meet guys, get to know them, enjoy time and yes if all this goes good then maybe we can move ahead, else we’ll just be friends. This is something very challenging for me, when things or people don’t turn out my way I get bitter and then end things on a very bad note, I will not expect much and will be accepting even if things don’t work. part as Friends. Also, I know guys don’t like strong women who have the guts to approach then first, but what the hell, if I like someone, I will not wait for them to come to me, coz that mostly dosen’t happen and I end up waiting. So I’m gona take the first step and say Hi and not come too strongly either.

 

P.S: Yesterday I went to this club with friends and we were really all very broke, so we drank in the car and then went to a no cover charge club, which is very good and decent crowd too. Me and this friend took a bet, he had to get a no. of a girl and me a guy.  I got talking to this guy on the bar and he was like I’ll get you a drink, not too interesting little pretending, but then I think he was trying to impress me. But then his friend came over, who was very funny and warm person, you know the type, they meet everyone with a hug, give high fives, very friendly. I love such people. Well I exchanged no. with the 1st guy and told his friend to take my no. from him. Fun night! My friend asked a girl for her number and she said no. So I won the bet! Im getting nothing in return though.

 

Also, I sent a friend request to this guy that I met at a friends party, they’re group of expats and he was from Slovakia or Poland. Well, I really like him, he was cute and funny. I am hoping to get him online sometime, so I could know what kina guy he is and maybe go out too, if he wants that is.

But hey i’m already taking the first steps yeah!!! bravoo!!

2 weeks without sleep..

Okay not without, but very less sleep and that makes you sleepy and want to crash on the floor whenever you get even a second free.

 

Wow..it actually has been that long since I left everything in my slow paced routine life and moved into a full swing-zapping-past-me-blurring-my-ability-to-think  week. Wow!!!

 

So my last post was about the V-Day that was Monday, continuing on….

 

The next two days at work were super busy. Lot of work and very less time. I stayed back a few days and totally missed out on my workout and diet plan (whatever was there of it). Thursday morning I got a call from the dance instructor who had borrowed money from me,which he had to forcefully return after I made a 100 calls and finally let other instructor at the office know about, anyways he called and said he had some passes to a dance show thing and I could have them if I wanted. I have never got free passes by myself, and I was excited about it, so I forgot that he is the biggest liar in the world, and I said if he could send them over to my office. He said he had sent them and then I asked my frenz, K and Nick and Tarun and my sis. All were up for it. Then I had make another 10 texts and calls to that Liar to find out why I hadn’t received the passes yet. He lied a lot again and I knew I was not going to get them. I felt totatlly stupid about getting so excited over it and asking my frenz about it.

 

Anyways, so this acquaintance of ours from Morocco, ‘Sash’ ( though K and Tarun), who’s in India for an internship, she called to say that there was a costume party thingy at her place and her firang(foreigner) friends would be there too, so we should come, and its ok if we don’t have the costumes ready. I asked everyone if we wanted to go there and so me, sis , Nick and K went. These people were so sporty, they bought costumes for each other and we had drinks and then the all had to go out to a club dressed like that. I would never do such a thing!!! I’m so bloody horribly conscious in my normal clothes, in my own skin…shit!! But I think also the adventure of being in a different country brings out a new side of you.

 

So we all went to this club where drinks were free for expats and we had to pay for our drinks. We were little lost in the group, coz we all only knew Sash and Nick didn’t even know her. But after sometime it got good and we danced around, my feet killed me which is equal to a party well enjoyed 🙂 . I like this cute and funny guy in the group, but I don’t think he was interested. All the firang guys were dancing around with all the girls and there were weird cheap Indian guys around, who came to stare or hit chance at making out with some firangi girls.

 

K had a good time, and Nick seemed bored. I was not just around him only, I thought it’d be good if spoke around and made some friends, Plus I was so not wanting to hear any comments from sis or K about him or me being interested in each other.

We left the place really late and then everyone was hungry, so we made a stop at a 24/7 open place and had some food. Relaxed and got horribly late. I reached home at 4am and had office at 8am next day. I slept for couple of hours and then got into cab and rushed to office.

The next 2 days at work were again busy and I ended up working on Saturday also, full day. I was leaving for home at 9:30pm, reaching by 10:30, eating something (mostly order out as mom was not home this week) and sleeping by 11:30. Waking at 6:30 – 6:45 am.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday was the same routine.

Thursday i.e yesterday was a colleague’s wedding and the team decided to go. We all reached back home and then met at one place and went to the wedding. I wore a red net saree with white embroidery done on it. I dressed up well , good makeup with big eye liner shaping my eyes, blused cheeks and glossy lips, bangles in one hand (which I love to wear) and was looking good.  🙂

I came back home at 1 am, slept by 2am and then again took office cab at 7 am. The entire team was so sleepy the whole day, it was almost funny. 🙂

 

Thanks god today I get some sleep. I’m pretty sure this weekend is gonna be all about snoozing. 🙂

 

Oh n ya! Some other things going one that I have no patience to tell in detail about:

1. I finished reading a new chik lit, Girl plus One, was not so interesting in the begining but later did get good.

2. Sis spent almost all of our house rent for this month on shopping for jeans and some shoes, while mom was away.

3. mom came back yesterday and has been so upset and screaming around since.

4. Dance class has been less enthu for since the dance instructor money lending thingy, I’m hoping I get back to being super excited about it.

5. Uploaded this new guitar video on my fb, got many lovely comments. I kept checking n rechecking my fb for updates for almost 2 days after posting it 🙂

 

The party with ‘N’

So last weekend was pretty fun.  I had no plans whatsoever but then something felt like I should do something, go out with friends and enjoy a little, no a lot, and enjoy this single status and also find someone cute as well.

So I asked K if he was up for it, he didn’t seem too excited so I didn’t take it seriously, I aslo called N to ask if he wants to go. I should give him a name no? Lets call K the’ London Guy’ and N would be ‘Nick’. So I called Nick and told him we might be going out so he could join, he was okay and told me to confirm him .

After I came from my dance class, I called London Guy and he was not very well so he didn’t want to go, I asked my sis and she had stomach ache, so a ‘No’ from her as well. So I asked Nick that no one else was there just me and him and he was okat about going.

I thought he would be the not-too-loud music person, so I took him to A.I club, but it was really lousy there, they has closed the outdoor space and inside there were only bunch of people. We had a few drinks and started getting enthu about it and that’s when the music was shut down too. We moved from there to FBar, I had to pay the entry coz his card wasn’t working. It was really good there. I took 2 more drinks and was high enough to enjoy myself. He was okay too and enjoying.

You know when we were’nt high we were little awkward with each other. We have never been to clubs together and you know the kind of invisible barbed wires that exist between people who are around for the first time on a dance floor , that was there. Once we got high, it was all so comfy. We danced all fun stuff and was so cool. Nothing romantic at all though, just fun friends stuff. Just like I am with A( remember the pal who I used to go out for parties a lot when in college and now he become so distant and stuff).

We got back home at 6am and had an amazing drunk fun time. I called him the next afternoon to chit chat about the party gossip and what all funny stuff and fun stuff happened yesterday, but he sisn’t talk much. He was busy with his family.

It’s a little weird for me, coz I’m realizing he’s hardly the person I thought of him. He’s so different, like making a new friend altogether. and maybe it is a new friendship in a new phase of life too.

As we had already decided earlier that we would go out on Monday for dinner and we stuck to the plan. Only he’s an hour and half late while I wait here in my office for him to come.

Somewhere between all this I’m really thinking about whether he;s anice guy for me to date or not. He hasn’t asked me yet or anything. But jst thinking about it made me all ‘Noo’. I hope I’m not leading him to think I’m interested and this is exactly what i hate. Me doubting myself, if I’m behaving the right way and giving the right signals.  I mean hello, its a weird world and poeple can pick up all wrong signals, so why the hell am I worried.

Anyways, I don’t think he’s my kina dating person. But yes someone asking me out would be good, but so not at the cost of friendship. I think he’s a great guy, but just not my type.

Ah… I think all the my- types have died somewhere or swore to never meet me.

I also found myself thinking about my ex a few times over the past month. But it was just ‘memories flashing’ nothing liek missing or anything.

Btw I wrote about this ‘Cute Guy’ at office about 6 months back, and about how it had led to nowhere at all even though I did show little interest. I just founf him on my office network and he told me he was getting married. hmmph!!

Marraige is one mystry to me..so far..

A matter of Perspective..

As I sit here in my office, getting so bored that I swear I’m almost sleeping with eyes wide open, I feel that somehow things and situations of my life could look so different if I change or shift my perspective about them.

How I came upon this thought is another story altogether. About a month back, I had lent some money to my dance instructor, which he said would be returned in a week but then he didn’t. So now everytime I meet him in class he tries to talk about the dance andhow I’m doing at it and says all the goody stuff, and when he sees that I’m buffed with the compliments he quitetly adds that he’ll pay me later due to x..y..z.. reasons. I agree!

Now this worked for him a2-3 times, but I knew he was trying to put me high and get away with his excuses. So last class he was supposed to pay me up and then in the evening before class I get a call from him saying that he will not come to the office today and then started talking about how I should take dance professionally and get into the learning classes and I asked him that ‘it needs 50 hours of dance once you get in and I’m working so how is that going to work? ‘. He started telling me options to come after work and to the locations that are closer to my work and how I can cover the remaining hours on weekends. I knew he was straying me from the question I would ask him, but still I let him go and then my mind drifted to how it would be if I actually danced everyday. OMG!! I couldn’t believe it! Can I ? Really? Dance every single day..wow!!

Then I thought about how work will be if I danced everyday. Well, it gave me a pretty good picture I must say. If you’ve read me here a few times, you’d know how much I hate not having passion for what I do as a job. And now I was thinking of going to work, I wuld carry my dance clothes to office, spending the day working, which I’m good at, then also keep thinking about the dance class that would be in the evening, finish my work and run for the dance class, exhaust and thrill on the floor and then home. The next day again I pack my dance gear and go through office in excitement of the evening class. Wow!!

This was a very different picture of work for me. I have never been able to set work back and feel ok with it. It bugs me. But now I could se myself earning money from the job and pushing hard to get my passion, dance! My job suddenly seemed like just a job. Although its importance dosen’t get low in my life, yet now it seemed like a money earning resource and I was not trying to find passion in it. I already had my passion waiting for me each evening.

Wow!! Seems like I was looking the wrong place for my passion.

Anyhow, I did think about taking the dance learning classes and so I will continue to work and dance.  However, they have auditions to take you in and that I will have to clear. Maybe in Feb end. If work was just the time spent before I dance, I’d be super excited to pass this time quickly. Also, I have to get my weight down before I get there(see my attempts at this at my new health blog). And obviously once I’m there then it would be maintained by all the dancing. 🙂

T0 dance and Passion!! Cheers!!

Can Friends get romantic??

I’ve always kept my friends away from the category of dating/romantic prospects for me. For me when I meet a guy, I’m either romantically inclined or friendly inclined.  When I’m romantic I shy a little, don’t talk too much, flash my smile, arrange my hair every now and then and other stuff. In other words I get conscious. And when friendly thing is there, then i crack jokes, be comfortable, forget about my hair or bulging tummy, I talk as much rubbish I want and am myself.

 

I will have to confess that whenever I feel a romantic thing, I try to put my best there and get conscious.  But we all do right? At least in the beginning? I somehow also feel that I act differently and I don’t like that about myself. But I get so conscious.

 

Anyways, so my doubt is that can friends be romantically involved? I mean I know they can, we are free people and do whatever we want, but then, does it not mean Risking too much?  Friendship is one of the best things and if you stake it to take a chance on romance, is it worth it? Could you be friends even after? even if it worked or didn’t?

Well forget about after, lets talk about you decide to take the chance. Then how do you behave? Do you flirt and smile at the friend who’s seen you get drunk and hit at guys in this manner before? Do you blush on a compliment when he’s made several jokes on earlier? How do you behave? Its all so confusing..

 

The reason I’m asking all this is that whenever a friend even tires to be more than friendly, I freak out!! Not that it has happened a lot, but those few times, I start taking everything as a joke and hit back jokes on him to embarrass him.  I don’t know what to do and try to get out of that place immediately.

 

How can you be romantic with a person who’s seen you at your worst and weirdest??

Anyhow, so this friend of mine, ‘N’, the guy who was to move to Delhi and was to meet me and didn’t for sometime, well we met up today. I had a dance class at 7pm and he had work till 5pm, so he came around my house at 6pm and we sat at a coffee shop for an hour and talked. He was mostly venting about his work and how they make them work like crazy. I had nothing much to say (as usual) and was trying to fill the silences. Then I went back to my class and he headed to meet his friend for drinks. I did hint him that I could join him after my class, but he didn’t hear me totally and thought I was saying I could miss the class and said I shouldn’t. I didn’t mention it again.

So we left and then 30 min back I opened fb and he was online. I told him I could’ve missed the class today, but just didn’t think then and he was thinking the same that we could’ve got together after my class too. We both laughed it off and said we can meet again sometime. I suggested the weekend where I could maybe introduce him to a friend, my sis’ friend actually, she’s slim and beautiful but little dumb (I didn’t tel him that). He said we could also meet on the V-day and he’ll try to get out of office little early. He asked me ‘Will you go out with me?’  and I said ‘ok’, he replies ‘gr8! Its a date then’ . Ahem..Ahemm..

I know / think it doesn’t mean anything, but somehow over that last 3 times I met him , over long durations, he does/says something that leaves me thinking.

 

He’s a decent guy and nature wise he’s not my type in many ways, but then I don’t know how he is to date either.

Well, I don’t think I want to date him , but I’m struggling to find a reason as to why not? I mean, am I limiting my life and experiences by my baseless ideas. How do I know if it works or not if I don’t try?  Monica and Chandler got it all right? Ross and Rachael remained friends after all romance ended?  How would I know?

 

Well, the thing is, he’s not even showed any interest whatsoever, and I’m already thinking these things up.. And I don’t even know if I’m interested or not..

 

But seriously, I don’t want to limit myself to experiences and chances, by these ideas in my brain, that are not facts or rules. These are just baseless restrictions I have in my brain that I think can make life easy, but instead make it so much more complicated.

 

So what are your experiences on ‘Mixing Romance into Friendship’??

 

 

Between Me and them..

A lot of my friends, Most out of my few friends are doing really good in their careers and even some of my mot-friends are. These people are mostly from my college and so Ihave known them through the essential growing up 4 years of our lives.

Last night I found ‘N’ on facebook chat. Remember, he’s the one who is very sweet and I’m really fond of and the one who keeps going to Ney York and I amso happy about. Well, he moved to my city, Delhi a few months back and we had met up on his visit to Delhi a couple of months even before that and then we had planned all the amazing fun we would have once he’s here. But ever since he’s been here, its a No show and No call either. It was heartbreaking, but I’m so used to this happening, you know making exciting plans and then getting ditched, that I’m ok now.

Anyways, so I was chatting to him and he was appreciating me for all the things I’m doing in life, jazz dance, guitar,gym and all. He was like you’re a complete package. 🙂 I was happy to hear it, coz just few minutes back my fren B, who’s in USA also, said the same thing to me. I asked him about his life and how he was doing and also complained about the no show, he told me he was very busy at work, which I have heard before too, and that he was working on weekends too and also travelling within country a lot.

*Sigh* I heard my heart going.

Even I’m working, even I’m here but still so not here. You know.

I told him  I felt so left behind when I see them making such progress. And its true. But I also know that no matter how much I drag my ass here there will be no good. So I’ve decided to take it easy and work normal and live normal and give myself some quality time also.

But seriously, isn’t this the time to runa fter your dreams and forget about everything else? Then how come I’m not going crazy, while all these other people are? N is working his ass off and also moving ahead fast, S is in canada and again working like mad and still staying thin as ever. how?? I know how, mostly not eating and depression over her heartbreak, I wouldn’t want that part. Anyways, so what’s the deal?

The thing is that I did all that,, work like a crazy person and tool up more than I could handle and gave it night and day and dreams, but I ended up leaving with no promotion or hike and found myself in a place where no matter what I do my goal will not be met (going abroad for long term). So I switched my job to a place where there are opportunities to get what I want, atleast there are options and so you can compete your way to it. But the first project that I got was again not in line with my goals and I’m not looking for trouble, so I didn’t object either. Also its taking me lot of time to settle into a new work environment and I’m not going mad.

I can see that I have to wait for another 4 months to get my dream and that is ok with me, but still I feel a little less on putting effort. Of course there is the fact that it will happen only when my current project is over and I complete 1 year in the new firm, but sitting easy and not running after it, makes me anxious and doubt myself.

I love giving time to my hobbies though and also taking care of myself. and gym and stuff.  But sometimes I wonder why I’m not working myself out to reach my dream.

Between me and them (my friends) , I see they have already achieved what I haven’t even started to run after.

Also I know some stupid idiots who are sitting there (abroad) and enjoying the money and scenary, when I am so much more deserving than them.

Well, in time I can believe and believe it will be mine when its time. A little low paced and some enjoyment..makes me anxious for sure… but I am doing the things I love and enjoy, while they have no time for what they love to do.  Feel better now. 🙂

Lame Hopes…yet again

So life had nothing much happening.. I did write a post sometime back, but the power went off and I have no back up for my pc so all got scraped and somehow the lovely Draft saving at wordpress did not keep it either. 😦

Anyways, so life has been ok i guess, yeah i think so. Well, my friend k , who was supposed to go to London finally decided to stay back and that made me little happy. We’re not really thick but its good to have someone to call your friend yeah.

So there was this DJ night at a new place Shiro, at Hotel Samrat, and he asked if I wanted to go. My sis was returning from Mumbai in the noon, so I said I’ll confirm once she’s here. I also had my dance class and told him I would be home by 9pm. When I came back from dance I was not so much in the mood to go, but he insisted and then sis also agreed, so we went anyways.

P.S: Sis got so much of junk goodies from Mumbai. especially all funky bangles n stuff and she’s also thinking of starting business of that stuff in Delhi. Super cool!!

 

I took out a black dress with satin top and 3/4th sleeves and a stretchable material for the rest of the dress. I used to wear it a lot 1-2 years back and was little scared if it would fit or not. It did!!! but my tummy was bulging a lot. I wore it anyways and tried to suck in the fat rolls.

We reached and then got free entry without cover charges, coz we had called and inquired earlier. 🙂 then we thought of taking some drinks and K remembered he had some beer in the car, so we went back to the parking and then were looking at how to open the bottles. I learned how to open the bottles with my TEETH!!! 🙂 I had an entire bottle, K tried to turn it into bottoms up, but damn it was so fizzy and gassy and I didn’t even burp. I did a while later.

Then we went in and the ambiance was great. I was in some silly hope was feeling like I would meet someone today and kept looking around. Somethings never change i guess@! There was a cute firang there and I kept eyeing him, but he was interested in my sis and it made me sad for a while. They talked and he gave his card to her. Well, atleast he like someone.

 

After lot of dancing and getting little high and back to normal, we were outside where sis was sitting coz her feet were killing her, I smiled at guy who was passing me. He wasn’t my type at all and i didn’t do it intentionally, but just did. Then intentionally I looked him again and again, 2-3 times and smiled. He smiled back. Low self esteem makes you slutty and crack case. But I had no intentions of taking or anything. That was enough for me and I was feeling stupid already. We left after few minutes and the guy followed us. No one knew about all this except me..the culprit. We sat in the lobby coz it was raining, and he kept passing around the areas 4-5 times. I glanced back to see him and he kind of made a gesture for me to follow him. I got so bloody irked and scared. Even if I made a pass at you and you aren’t my type (looks wise), what kind of guy gestures a girl to come to the corner with her. Don’t you have any fucking guts and balls!? Jerk!! I think he thought I was some slut..even though..come upfront and talk yeah.. I hate wussies..

he kept loitering there and I paid him no heed. We left and he saw me leave, I had a good laugh in my heart over how confused he must be though. haha..

 

We went to a 24/7 to get something to eat coz it was 4:30am and we were starving. I didn get anything veg though and ate some waffers and a cup of hot tea. I loved the rain..

Sadly, my so hopes of finding someone were lame and stupid..like me..always..