Monthly Archives: April 2010

Looking to tell you something new..

I’ve been thinking of what’s new that I could write about and found nothing. Well we know when we say ‘nothing’ is doesn’t mean literally nothing, just somethings that don’t seem important enough.

Anyways, since I totally feel like writing today, here are some of my life ‘Not-so-important-enough-somethings’:

The work with my new company is still going on, there are some background checks happening and I have stopped calling my grandparents 3 times a day to confirm if they got a call for my background check ,  coz I know it will happen and I know this because the process started by a check done on my current address and mom approved that. So, its moving and my nerves are calm now.

At my current workplace, I’ve made few friends, that does seem a little odd to me. Because I’m still confused on how your office friends should be and how much personal they can be. I did make a friend ‘D’ when I joined, she’s married and all, but lately ever since my role of acting-promotion thing started, she’d been behaving so sensitive and weird. I would go out of my way to be polite and tell her what needs to be done and coordinate it all with her, but she was so upset over everything I asked her, I mean why can’t  you accept I’m moving ahead so I have to take care of some stuff, and she was complaining that I was being bossy. I swear I was too polite, even more than when we were at the same level. But now she’s all cool coz I told her I’m leaving and she also seemed little guilty for the tension we had for sometime.

Anyways, so another friend I’ve managed to make is ‘P’, she doesn’t work from my office place but I keep visiting her office location now and then and we got chatting over guitar and dark chocolate and became pally. Why do I feel like I’ve told this earlier?.Anyways, we also work on few same projects and I find our coordination pretty good there too. We talk and discuss, take opinion and then decide, like a good team. She has a boyfriend and is in a long distance relationship and no friends in Delhi. Now I feel she’s quite a nice person. We talk about much stuff and sometimes bitch about office people and then she tells me laugh-till-you-cry episodes of her boyfriend. So I told her I’m single and that there aren’t good enough boys left to date or I don’t seem to be meeting any, so she out of too much free time, tried to set me up with a guy from out office itself, but located at a different location than hers and mine. She met him on some weekend she was working and then he was hitting on her, so she told him that she’s engaged and he told her its ok but she would help her find him a nice girl, as nice as herself. So ‘P’ told me that there’s this guy and I was so not okay with the concept of someone who was after her to meet me as a second option, however I didn’t find it to serious to consider or comment and I told her there wasn’t any harm in meeting so it was okay, but also told her not to tell him I said ok to meet and that she would make me meet him as if by chance, you know it could be hurting to someone to get rejected after knowing someone agreed to meet but didn’t like what they saw. Talk about Positive Thinking. 🙂 So she was waiting till I come to her location and she would call the guy also, but when I went there she was on leave a day prior so couldn’t tell the guy to come and I was kind of relieved about that, with all the manager talk and all was going on then. Now she told me he has been bothering her too much asking when he can meet me and she was really getting fed up and I am so not interested in meeting him either. Poor ‘P’ is now stuck explaining to him when I’ll be there. 🙂 Funny na~ little i think..~

Then yesterday I had my guitar class and that guy, ‘J’, I told you-all that he looks cool playing and all, but then I thought he was kind of hitting on me or maybe just kidding around, you never know with boys. Huh! I’ll tell you what happened and let me know if I’m thinking too much, which might be, coz you know ..ok whatever..

So we were just playing and he was teaching me stuff and then something about friends came up and he said he didn’t have any much friends apart from his guitar. Yeah! he’s in love with music. So, I told him that’s sad coz I was about to tell him to find me someone from his friends circle you know nice and cute guy, he asked me what was the criteria, so I told him anyone between age of 24-27, nice , good-looking, playing guitar even better. He started thinking and when I asked him did he have someone in mind, he said ‘I was thinking I’m 23 so wouldn’t that work?’ I laughed it off and told him he missed the chance just by a year. Then he was playing the guitar and his feet kind of touched mine, like not intentionally, but he was already sitting there and I was also at same place that I was at, but he moved his leg ahead and adjusted a little to play some song, and his little toe was touching my feet, he was wearing floaters and I was in open scandals. I’m pretty sure this didn’t mean anything, but then if I noticed this then he surely must’ve too right? or not, boys usually don’t notice much. Blah! When he was leaving I told him again, don’t forget to find someone for me and he again said ‘Won’t you be able to work with me?’, of course both of us spoke in joke-kinda funny way. A little about ‘J’, he’s one year younger to me and he sweet and very funny and plays amazing guitar. He’s okay attractive, but not boyfriend material for me. Why do we girls think so much about everything and Notice everything?.. haha 🙂

I also posted some Videos of my guitar playing at my facebook and much people liked it. With so many compliments I was all happy yesterday and kept watching my video like an obsessed baby with his new toy. 🙂

Basically Life’s Good!

3 Comments

Filed under Blogroll, dating, feelings, friends, habits, Interesting, interpret, life, music, personal, random, realtionships, thoughts, Uncategorized, work, writing

However cool You get

Amongst the fast changing times, everything we knew and learnt growing up , now seems different, and I’ve heard the more different the more Cool it is called.

I don’t live with my parent’s. Cool!

I’m in an open relationship.  So Cool!

I don’t like interference from my family, I just call them once a month. Wow! that’s Cool.

I don’t mind if my best friends are now hanging out more with some new people they met at the club. I’m cool! I’ll find some new group soon.

Break-ups are such drama’s , it’s easier to move on.. Cool!

Times are changing, there is so much culture change, mindset change, deciding how much of values and morals you want to stick with and what seems old to replace. How much space to new thoughts you’ve given with what you believed in taking a back gear. How much you can be yourself , without being uncool.

But sincerely and honestly, here what I think about it:

I don’t say no to a much easier and less complicated and un-bounded way of living, but the emotions part of our being, never get simple. 

We might have found ways to find new love quicker, but it doesn’t hurt less to part with someone you loved once and every once in a while you will secretly think of the old love and hurt a little.

We may appear cool living by ourselves in a one-room apartment, but with every small happiness or sadness, our hearts wish the place was filled with family and we could share this news, even when they wouldn’t want to hear and you had to drag each one to listen to you.

We do meet new people very often now, but they will never know how you cry when you’re sad, how you put up a smile when you’re sad or how you go bizarre shopping when nothing feels right.

There may be newer and convenient friends circles, who don’t bother to interfere in your decision, who won’t boss you to go home coz it was late, who’d never ask any personal questions , but the best friend of your childhood is the person you always thank for pulling you out of the mess, listening to your family issues and whom you freely fight with over why she couldn’t stay out for another hour.

We may find it a relief to have no limitations to a relationship, but you want someone to worry about you and

It might be the scene today to go the club on weekend nights, but sometimes you just feel like getting into the quilt with a book or just chatting on the phone for hours.

You may become the newest talk of the club when you enter in those ultra short dress/designer jeans, but when everyone stares at you too much.. you still can’t help, but wonder, ‘is my fly open?/ Did I forget to zip up?’ ..lol! 🙂

A heart that loves and hurts, some care taken, valuing the family who watched you grow, having a childhood best friend, wanting a love to die for, weekend nights with a good book, comfortable clothes .. nothing seems much cool than this to me.

What about you? What’s COOL to you?

1 Comment

Filed under books, dating, family, feelings, friends, habits, Interesting, interpret, life, love, personal, random, reading, realtionships, thoughts, Uncategorized

It’s started now..

So, I did talk to my manager the other day and yes I did give him a good piece of my mind. First I had to approach him and then he asked if we could talk, we went into a meeting room and he started showing me some numbers, comparing what I’m offered and what I will be given here and how the difference is not much. He was such a jerk, he told me he would give me the promotion in next eight months and some salary hike now and some later, which so obviously seems like a stupid thing to even ask me to consider, knowing that I am getting offered all that the very next month. So basically he didn’t make any efforts to make me stay. I told him I’ll think about it till the evening and then tell him. As I was about to leave the room few other people came in to meet him, I turned back, requested others to leave and then gave it off to him. I told him it was very inappropriate to shout at me and that I did not expect this. He was all sorry, my apologies and all, then he said ‘I had so many things going through my  head’ and I quickly caught him there. I told him there were millions of things going on with me too, but I didn’t choose to shout at him. Again couple of sorry’s and then after i had said it all I moved out of the room with much satisfaction. I’ve never confronted a senior at work that way and you know what it felt good, coz I was right and he was being an ass.

I had made my mind in the meeting itself but still I waited until the evening to tell him that I wasn’t  going to stay. Which again made me nervous but happy too.

Then I went to my grandparent’s place on Saturday to get the documents I needed, coz my grandfather is officially old now and he send me the bill with the wrong address.  I didn’t want to waste another day on this, so mom and me went. I was bad travel and I got though it somehow. I collected the paper and we moved back on Sunday evening. Now I was so tired of the crappy public transport that I needed a day off, so Monday was recovering day.

 I also sent in the papers on Monday and just realized that I missed one document. I mailed the scan copy right now to HR. She’ll think I’m an idiot, but anyways.

Next hope, all checks go fine and I get the joining date soon. :))

I feel like an amateur at this.. hey I AM!! so all the nervous type things are okay.. 🙂

2 Comments

Filed under feelings, habits, Interesting, interpret, life, personal, random, thoughts, Uncategorized, work

Things are moving ahead now.

As I type this there is a smile on my face and such content in my heart, also there are mixed feelings of nervousness, anxiety, some in-confidence and uncertainty.

What’s the deal? Well, I’m switching my job!

If you haven’t read about me and my thoughts, then this might seem too overrated to you, but if you have been keeping track, then this is a large part of my life where I am by choice w.r.t my responsibilities and yet regret it. It’s that part of my life which had been feeling stuck and stagnant forever, that treadmill where I ran and ran my legs out, but it can only stay at the same place and you reach nowhere apart from where you start.

Couple of weeks back I went into the interview for a job all nerves and came out with the job.  I was kinda surprised too and happy too. I didn’t say it out here, coz I still had no paper in hand and those days of waiting were nerve wrecking. You know how it is, when you can smell the cake in the oven and you know you want to eat it as soon as it came out, Only, it will come out after an hour. I swear i was checking my updates day and night multiple times. 🙂

Then finally I got the papers in place and then I accepted.

So I wrote my first ever resignation and sent it out. Now I don’t know if it’s normal, but I did get freezed up fingers and it took me hours of reading, closing, reading, before I finally send it. We have a policy to serve a notice period and mine was 30days. So I wrote that my official last day would be 1 month from today. My manager called in the evening and asked me what all I was getting at the new place and he agreed he couldn’t match up to it. He also asked me what compensation I was getting there and what was the distribution, I didn’t give him the exact numbers and told him will say tomorrow. The next day he called and I gave him the % of each component, at this he yelled at me and I was shocked. He was supposed to plead me to stay.  He was screaming on the phone saying that he wanted the actual numbers so that he could come up with an offer . Now maybe I don’t know much about these things, but I do know that screaming on someone will not make them stay. I got so pissed off, I was madly angry but then I couldn’t even shout back , so I told him his voice was too loud, he did soften after that, but my anger didn’t. I was so so angry.

At the new place, after I accepted, the next step is background check and we need to send some documents for that. I always give my permanent address as my grandfather’s place as they own their place and we keep moving in rented places, so just for chance. Now they needed some proof and that involves getting some more documents, which havent been done yet.  I called my old grandpa and asked him to get it done and he did try but couldn’t get it and was saying he will do it today. My mom offered to go there and get it done quickly, but today she has high blood pressure ,due to lack of sleep, which is due to electricity cut off last night till 2am.

So, the papers aren’t ready yet , actually just one paper, and I’m FREAKING OUT!!

I’m so nervous and scared. God please get this done well. Although there is no reason it shouldn’t go well coz all my stuff is genuine and no forge, but still I want to see it all cleared.

And here, that ass of a manager, he had asked me to come to the location he was at so we can talk about what he has got, and I am here, but in no mood to talk to him. My entire body language reads tensed right now and I can’t make it go away.

I want to get cleared with the discussion with my manager here and then ofcourse refuse it. Next I want to get my checks and all cleared at the new place and be ready to join.

Phew!!!

This is quite a ride !! and then other kind of stupid doubts keep coming to my mind, that I am trying so hard to put away and only think positive.

Well, to start with, it’s positive enough that this is a change that I wanted. 🙂 I’ll hold onto that thought.

And btw this new place is like too good. I remember when I used to hear people got into there I would be ‘OMG’ ..but somehow I’m not able to enjoy it for myself yet. Hope so I will soon! And yes there is a celebration party waiting too. :)) My family is also excited about it as the new place has lot of options to travel to new places to work like onsite job stuff.  🙂

3 Comments

Filed under dreams, family, feelings, Interesting, interpret, life, personal, random, thoughts, Uncategorized, work

What I’ve never confessed before…

These are not the dark secrets from my past, not terrible facts of my life, just some thoughts that have crossed my mind. Weird/strange /unknown territory and their presence in my mind has made me question myself ‘if I was actually thinking this and why?’…

How it would be if I die at this age? How will my family react? How will they cope? Will anyone really miss me?

I don’t want to grow old. It scares me to death. Maybe dying early is good.

The way I behave, or misbehave as my mother says and calls me exactly as my dad and the thoughts that make me behave that way, did he also think like this. Will I turn out like him.

There is so much of sadness within me. Full of regrets, grudges, what if’s, self doubt. Will I always be like this? Can I truely be happy with anyone/myself?

Am I capable of killing myself? like can I actually jump off from a building when I look down and see the streets and cars moving many feet below?

Am I suffering from depression? Should I start seeing a shrink?

How long can I go like this? How long will I last? Why this burden weighs me down and sinks my heart? Why do I care so much?

Will I see my dad ever again? maybe after I die?

Creepy, but true to my heart I have felt them in my head. Some only once or twice, and some more often…

2 Comments

Filed under family, feelings, Interesting, interpret, life, personal, random, secrets, thoughts, Uncategorized, writing

Sleepy and lame post..

Disclainer: This is a sleepy and lame post. Please don not blame me as I was also under heavy influence.

CAution: Might be infectious!

This was supposed to be a long fun weekend but instead it became a tiring and waste of time.

Anyhow, I spent Friday watching TV until my eyelids kinna sunk. Saturday was also much of TV and lots of sleeping, I really didn’t get any peaceful or decent hours of sleep through last week and then comes weekend nights, where I don’t need to worry on any alarms, but I get a bad sleep time, you know the kind of thing you have when something is wrong, the pillow, the posture, and you can’t figure it out to correct it either, so that’s why I kinna slept through Saturday. We were to attend a cousin’s wedding on Sunday, so Saturday evening was all about who’s wearing what and the trials and giving opinions, which I do give and then have to hear that I’m good for nothing or misguiding :). Anyways, I wasn’t at all excited over this event, coz the last time we did get pretty excited but the outcome wasn’t nice. Relatives are really mean people. So I decided on wearing a salwaar kameez for whatsoever number of events there were. Sunday morning was a havoc, coz nothing was packed and we were to leave with our aunt and reach her place, but we were not at all prepared. After much noise we did move out of house and reached my aunt’s place much later. We all literally stuffed into their car and moved for the wedding house. The welcome wasn’t exactly warm and for some reason I was getting the cold shoulder from my aunt and cousins, the one whose marraige it was. What?  I was confused, but then I decided not to think much, and helped around the house with little stuff.

Later in the evening we moved (again stuffed in the car) for the wedding place, which was quite far and took us a lot of time and we were all really exhausted. We got ready and the rest of the people came in much later. The ceremony started by 11:30pm and we were all hungry wolves. Was good to have all the cousins around though, except the ones giving me cold looks. My feet were killing me and somehow I feel I’ve lost the resistance to pain for fashion sake, comfort is my only way, and then some dancing. Finally we left the wedding in between at 12:30 am and went to rest, which also did not happen, as the mosquitoes found a new taste of blood and coudn’t resist us, which meant we slept around 5am and woke up around 9am. God this is boring..let me cut this short. Then we once again visited the cousin’s place, saw the bride and some dance and jokes and left at 8pm and reached home by 9:3pm.

Ordered food and cake for my sister’s birthday and stayed awake till midnight to celebrate. Btw she turned 26 and it is so unbelievable. And yes, everyone at home things she should be the next one to get married off. Dozed off around 1am and woke up at 5:45am and am here in office since then with goosebumps on my arms coz they have the freaking air condition running at such low temperature. I’m seriously considering carrying a woollen something to office everyday, until they turn the heat up(which is not going to happen) else something else (can’t say now, will do later).

This is to be counted as one of my lamest and sleepiest posts. I’m dreaming with my eyes open, about a good sleep. Yawn!!!

Hope you’ll had  fun weekend!

3 Comments

Filed under family, feelings, interpret, life, personal, thoughts, weddings