Monthly Archives: February 2010

what’s the plan for me?

As I met up with old friend today, she just got explaining about her recent work achievement and how she got through it. Well, she studied in Arts and museum stuff, and after college she was a little lost, coz her direction in life wasn’t clear. I mean she knew what she wanted to do, but she didn’t know how to go about it, and to study further or not? So, she was spending much time at home and then she went to a fair kina thing with her aunt and her aunt was buying a glass painting for an expensive price and she suggested that she can make that for her aunt also. Then she got sick and was at home resting, and decided to complete the painting. Her mom met this lady who was into exhibitions and all and she suggested that my friend should also take part. That’s when she thought ok. She went ahead and bought all the material but she wasn’t sure of what to make out of it. Then she completed the painting for her aunt and got appreciated for it. She made an entire collection out of it with 16 paintings and then got cleared through the screening for an exhibition that is highly rare and exclusive to embassy and members only. She now has the exhibition on 24th and ofcourse I will be going.

She was telling me that how she now believes that God ha a plan for each of us. As she was not even thinking of anything like this, but everything just happened on its own, she didn’t run around and make everything happen, i mean she did work hard on the painting, but the path was there for her, opened by god, with a string of opportunities and coincidences happening. I am so happy for her.

This all got me thinking, what does God have planned for me? Does he remember me? Has he forgotten that out of millions of people, there is this girl who needs help, who is hard working and dedicated, who wants to make it big, wh has it to make it big, who is lost and confused, who is killing herself in the most uncreative place and beating her wishes inside coz she can’t afford to take that selfish path and leave the responsibilities. Does he even remember me? Has God made a plan for me?  Was it for me to be unhappy? Was the plan this?

What’s the plan for me God? What is it?

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On the Love day…

Hey people!

Firstly, Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

I had a fairly good day. Woke up late and went to catch up with a school time pal ‘D’, with sis. We have been friends since the last 9 years and went through much of growing up together. We were separated through college and not much in touch, but somehow there are no friends like school friends and even when we connected after months, it was always like before.

Apart from that, yesterday I met with this college time friend ‘N’. He came for a weeks vacation to his place and catched up. He’s the one I mentioned earlier who went to NY for his work and all and I was very happy for. Anyways, the last time we met he was like ‘I’m a little attracted to you right now’, but I totally took that as he was a little high and so laughed it off. When we met yesterday he was a little more interested, like he kept touching my hand with just one finger (i guess he was scared or something ) and then he was telling about what he doesn’t like in girls and asking me if I had those habits and when I answered ‘No’, he was like ‘great! date me!’ and I was laughing it off everytime. The thing is, I know he’s been very appreciative of me since college but all in not any liking kind of way. He was saying good stuff yesterday too, like I was mentioning about this friend ‘S’ who has like lot of boys after her inspite of her being in a relationship, they are crazy after her and there for her always, so ‘N’ said ‘ What are you worried about? I’m here for you, anytime you need’. I again laughed it off. But somewhere in my mind these things did click. I don’t know if they mean something or  just that he’s so stuck up in his relationship and in the fighting phase of it, so that’s why he’s saying it all. But he did want ot catch up again, so I told him we can meet another day before he leaves, maybe tomorrow, because today I’m stuck with this office work , yes, on Sunday evening.

Maybe I’ll know something for sure after I meet him again and that is from his side only. As of me, I find him cute but he’s way less manly for me. I can’t see anything happening between us. 🙂 but still to knw someone likes you is kind of a moral boost right? 🙂

Now, coming to the love part in my life. I have none. No one. It’s sad but even weirder. I mean it’s ok to be single, but I’m not dating either. And I kind of know my problem, the whole casual dating thing doesn’t work for me. I either am too much or nothing into stuff.  I don’t know what I want and feel so confused about it all. I sometimes wish I would meet the French guy again, he was so nice.

I don’t know when or how will I meet someone, considering I have a zero social life and hardly meet new people. The little effort I make sometimes, goes really bad, so I’ve stopped.  Phew!!

On this day of love, all I am wondering is where could my love be? and is he also wondering the same? 🙂 too movies type right? but I’m sure I will meet him and maybe only when I stop thinking ahead and too much of every little thing.

May there be love and peace!!

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Coming back ..

Wow, I’ve been missing for quite sometime huh!! Well, if anyone noticed then, I was not feeling upto say anything and actually didn’t have much ranting to do either, and if you didn’t notice then its ok. Coz now I’m here (and still thinking of what to say).

How’ve you been doing?? Life treating you good? You treating life well? No hurry! think and reply 🙂

I have been ok, ya just about ok. Work as usual and then there was this crazy confusion in my head happening, again that’s usual ya.

Thought of joining gym again, but my sis took a new phone instead and so that leaves me with my weight and fat rolls. But seriously, I do need t o get out and do something.

Guitar has been going on, was put off for 3 weeks, the wedding, some work, blah blah..and yesterday was the breakthrough again so ya I’m loving it all over, well I never stopped loving it, so whatever!

Sis has started to talk to someone new and she’s pretty excited and all. They used to be in college together, but never spoke then and now on facebook they got talking and all. She also met him once. She’s doing the rounds of talk till late and be all smiley things.. yaa..yaa

Also, this guy that she was talking to for marriage stuff, like they met on some matrimony site, he turned to be a fake. I mean he told that his mom was some professor and when my mom spoke to her on phone, she didn’t even sound educated. Busted! that’s what I have been telling sis from yesterday, coz I never like the sound of that guy and the way he spoke and everything. Hah!!

Apart from that. Can’t think of anything! Oh yes, So in the guitar class yesterday, my tutor was saying something about my job, so I told him that it was ok, easy, but not something I’m passionate about, so he asked me what was my passion and guess my answer ‘ I never got the chance to really explore that, i mean i was interested in different things , but never got to see closely’. And just when I said that, it kind of lifted a weight off from my heart and mind, You know it was like some kind of relief. To explain better, I always feel burdened by this job and then  it feels like such an impose, but there are times when this entire thing gets to me so badly that I think of myself as a freak. Like I’m working and then doubting and hating it all. crazy times! So past couple of days it was like that, but when I had that conversation with my tutor, it became light and a little easy. It calmed my tensed nerves, it relaxed me. maybe the talking helped . I’m better now, and less cranky too. well, you can’t be totally non – cranky ya! there’s a bit in all of us! 🙂

And yes, there was this other thing that happened too (work related only), but I won’t say anything right now, coz I don’t know myself.

Later!!

Cheers!

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