Why I’m not blogging these days..

The reason is that I’m reading blogs and feel like reading more. I love to read, whether its novels, short stories, journals or even ramblings. Its such a delight after you read something and you actually understand what it means. Its like knowing a person and getting to know what they feel. I mostly read the blogs on Life, thoughts, random, writing and sometimes personal catagories.

I think i’m gonna be on the reading spree for some more time. its nice to give yourself some space and not follow any trends.

cheers!

The WINTER in me..

I’m a total winter person. And that’s only because I love the cozy warm quilts, long nights and smaller days, uncountable cups of hot ginger tea and when we(my family) all squeeze into the quilts, more than happy to be together. There’s more to me and the winters, I am like the winter, have layers around me and only when a person actually sticks around for a long time will they learn how to enjoy being with me. I’m also a family person and just like every festive  winter season, this time of the year brings out the most close moment and memorable days  with my family. I also have a way to give a cold chill to the people whom I don’t like.

I’m also very there, on you face person, just like the winters. You cannot ignore me for all good and for some otherwise reasons. 🙂 I might seem cold and like a sharp knife but eventually i warm others heart, make a place for myself. sometimes I feel like just being me and become like the dark cloudy days and don’t allow any sun rays to show me, I like to be with myself for a while but not long after, I do come back.

I have the layers like fog, the more further you go the more clear you are of what you see and many times what you see is very different from what you perceived. I also make everything around me more, make you think more, very beyond the obvious and different in many ways.

There’s always a different side of me, justlike every winter season. something new and very prominent.

That’s the winter in me. 🙂

‘You are here’ by Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan

About the Novel:
I was attracted towards reading this one by reading a small booklet provided with a fashion magazine, it had the starting 2-3 chapters of the novel and were very interesting too. Btw nice advertising people!

I started the book with such enthusiasm and was very happy with all that i was reading. It was like reading a random person, sorry girls thoughts, drifting from one point to another, coming back to the actual topic and leaving it in between if something even more interesting comes to her. It was fun to read, though I didn’t quite relate to the main character and her thought process, but by the time I was a bit more than halfway through, all i wanted to do was to finish it and close it for good. The hay wired and omnidirectional narration was getting to me, like those times when someone so-in-need-to -talk-to-someone-about-so-many-things-on-their-mind comes to you with all high hopes and you my dear are at the verge of a headache. i pulled through it the entire day and finally felt relieved. I would still recommend it to people though coz it did have a familiarity and humour and reality-inspired-fiction feel.

About the writer, the introduction reads she is writer of the popular blog The Compulsive Confessor. Not enough! I think this is another advertisement trick to pull readers towards the blog columns as well. Can’t say for sure, but looks like I will check out the blogs.

About myself:
As on weekdays I only read while travelling to and back from office, I’ve noticed something, while I am working and popping my eyes out on the computer screen, which happened the entire last week! everyday! I even missed lunch on Friday! (guys, I’m stressing at this), I think that once I’m done with he work I’ll go and read the novel and what happens next and get all happy and enthu about it (obviously this is only when i like the novel). They do pull me into them and I think I’ve developed a new way of reading, more engrossing, occupying and reaching.

Associations in my life.

Recently I explored a new part of my life, my own unique way of existence.

On another note, when you start observing patterns in your life and make realizations, baby your not close to childhood. Seriously! Not that I wasn’t aware of it but its not a very nice thing to acknowledge, coz now starts the talks ‘ Oh, i used to love to do..’ and ‘ remember how we used to…’, like nothing better has happened since that time and even if you are living ‘the best times’ they always take the second place, coz nothing beats the memories of innocent childhood.

Well, coming back to my realization, it is “my so-thoughtful mind and heart” link the various times of my life to many things, sometimes its the weather, sometimes songs, other times I’ve noticed its the outdoor view also, sometimes silences, sometimes it is simple words and many times the ‘way my heart feels’.

Like i always link passing through long stretching roads guarded by trees on both sides  to my ride to boarding school. Then there are songs that remind me of a particular time of my life and not just remind, but actually make me feel like i felt at that time. Its funny coz most i am quite embarrassed about them. I link a warm heart feeling to some faint memory of my grandmother’s place when we would be there during our winter break and my mom and aunts and grandma would all slide into the same quilt and chit chat (mostly bitch), mostly about their in-laws and all.

There are things and places and times that instantly make me travel back in time and reach a time when i heard, did, feel, say or sing a particular way and while there definitely maybe a scientific explanation to it ( God! there’s one for every thing now, isn’t it?), i still love to think that’s its one the things that make me ‘who I am’ and most importantly ‘how i am’, ‘UNIQUE’ is what i think mostly . 🙂

Me outside me

It is like you stand outside of your body and watch yourself living, speaking, working and sometimes doing nothing.

I have these phases( can’t think of a better word), when I am myself, but there is a slow, watching and observing me outside me. No matter how busy i am, no time to even drink water, but there is a part of me which is at peace, looking at me, trying to get what I am doing and more importantly why? These are learning times, a kind of realization time, very silent ones also. Maybe in some way rejuvenation of my soul, but i know i feel it and it feels very calm. Its a conscious watch and act type, its more of trying to make sense of everything around. I can hear my heartbeat, slow and steady, wit every rise and fall I am just there, looking at the ‘person I am’ and trying to understand ‘who I’m trying to become’, why? and why not?.

There’s another thing these phases bring along ‘Unattachment’, to everything and everyone. Its all about individualism then and reasons need to be found. I do things not for others, but what’s my desire behind is has to be found. These time bring me solitude as even I leave my self alone. I feel kind of empty and hollow.

Returning back of me doesn’t always has answers and reasons, but bring back some lost humanity and sensibility. It makes me conscious of my acts and their importance in my life. It makes me think again about who i want to be.

Suddenly, my life was all about timing..

Yesterday, while fighting over the remote with my brother I got to watch a glimpse of  ‘Sex and the City’, I don’t know exactly which season or episode name was running, but it was a time where Mr.Big calls her and leaves a message that the misses her a lot and can’t stop thinking about her. She listens to the message before going on a date she was looking forward to meaning something and for a change having some feelings. She listens to the message and then in her mind says(the background narration)

“It was all i wanted to hear, a year too late. And suddenly my life was all about timing. My past catching up on me way to fast and my future taking too long to arrive”

I loved that part.

“And suddenly my life was all about timing. My past catching up on me way to fast and my future taking too long to arrive”.

This is where I am right now too. Not that my ex is calling and saying he wants to see me( thank god he doesn’t have my number or he definitely would like he did many times before). But yes, this is where I am, images of past flashing in front of and the future blurred . Its one the times that you have to ‘this too shall pass’ and hold on. I want to let go of the past and ‘move on'( which i particularly am too bad at). I’ll try to focus on the future more and maybe just then my past will not haunt me.

Miss being a student.

After all those years of dreaming to be independent and working, living a life where I am any own master, counting the years through school to college, through college to work, I now finally miss it a lot. That knowing you’re not supposed to and that curiosity of ‘what if’s, all that enthusiasm over every small aspect of the big world you get a sneak peak at, it was so much fun.

I also miss studying, it might sound stupid, but i loved to study, maybe coz i always has an inbuilt relaxed system before the exams and loved watching all the panicking ones. Just looking at guys and trying to guess who likes whom and all that hype. I always studied hard and not so hard, but i loved the feeling of giving it our best and leaving the rest to that moment when the question paper comes in front of you and you read the question.

I loved waking up all those nights and by morning all we would be doing is be on the phones. The group studies were so much fun. We literally couldn’t keep our heads in place and remembered all the gossip in the world when we had to study. We would be laughing on the silliest things and talking about almost anything and everything. WOW!

It was fun and I will someday get back to it all (when i will go for MBA), but right now just thinking of it all makes me happy.

Right now.

Right now my work life is busy enough to not give me time to write a few blogs, think a little, read a little. Like right now, My office hours are up and my cabs will move in 15minutes( ya, I’m lucky, i get a cab facility to work 🙂 ), but I really want to write my mind and thought in here. It gives me peace and maybe washes off those thoughts that fill every tiny little part of my brain.

When I reach work, I think about it every day, I want to write something today, read something, I like it a lot and whether I have time or not I do get what I want. I don’t open my blogs at home. Never! Somehow Ilike the privacy of this space. Its me here, not so and so’s daughter, sister and all. I like to be here and place my thoughts, say it out, see what others feel about it and sometimes leave my imagination wild and bring out the yet to be discovered write alive. It makes me happy!

I’ve always been anindividual, its more like me than we. sometimes in selfish ways, but more in life defining ways, This is ‘me’ that kina way.  This blogging has also become a part of ‘me’ now, something that defines your thought, makes you you and keeps track of what’s next too.

My new blogroll – FICTION

Hi,

I’ve added a new blogroll ‘FICTION‘.  As I mostly write non-fiction, I thought it would do me good to keep in touch with my imagination as well. After all I will be writing a novel very soon. I’m thinking of putting down a story everyday or at least alternate day. Few might be series and some will end on the same page.

Interesting or not? You tell me! 🙂