Monthly Archives: August 2009

Just Life…

God!  I amposting this (anything) after a long time! Hmmm. .  I was busy, busy enough to not have time to say how I feel and be relieved. I have been busy with work , but lets not talk about the bad things ya.

I have no idea where to I’m headed in life. I’m doing a job that serves my family needs but brings no passion to my life. I do other things to make myself happy (dance , swimming) and then I come back to this job.

I’ve become very lazy and boring type too. On my weekends mostly I stay at home. a) to save money b) to get much sleep which now feels like luxury c) don’t feel like moving around much

I’ve read the secret and other positive thinking books and they all say, your life is what you expect and what you focus on. Can someone tell me how the hell will I focus on something that is not around me? How can I start to imagine and feel like a millionairre when I can’t go and buy 2 pair of jeans.

Something is going on and I am just following in like a blind person. I know this isn’t where I want to be but I’m not sure that I know where I want to be.

I usually wish that I could become a kid again. I’m scared of responsibility and all. I don’t want that. How can you ask me to take care of others when I myself feel the need to be taken care of. I know its just something that you feel before you actually do it, but I really don’t believe that I am mature enough for this. Take decisions, make plans, maybe its all just part of facing my fears, but I turn around and walk away.

I’m talking mostly crap stuff, but can’t help it. I wish it all to be different. I wish.  Sorry to get you’al so bored on this stuff but I got nothing much great to talk about.

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What is a ‘Lifestyle’ exactly???

I’ve heard of the term a lot, read about it and all that, but I’m still not sure I know what it is.

Is it the way you live? The way you eat, dress, feel & behave ? If yes, then how can all that be changed and adapted. I understand that life changes and we all change along with it, but what about ‘being the person you are’ ? How can you wake up and say ‘Oh I need to change my lifestyle, so I’m going to stop loving junk food and start loving vegetables’, that is just not possible? It sounds like forcing yourself onto something you’re not, like getting into a tight and uncomfortable bodysuit that might change something about you, but its not your skin and it won’t feel your pain.

These thoughts having been lurking because I want to be different from the outside and I know it will need a lot of change from the inside.  I have tried before, excessive workout, diet controls, pushing myself over every edge and I did get some results too, but then when you’re doing what isn’t you, then it doesn’t last and fades away. I leave it all and become myself back to something I again start hating the outside and that makes me feel not so good on the inside.

I feel I take it all too seriously, but it matters too much too. I need to love myself before I can love anyone else. A broken heart cannot love or heal others pain. I need a lifestyle change.

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What is Love? & how do you recognize it?

 This is a very dicey one. But I just watched ‘Love Aaj Kal’ (bollywood movie) yesterday and its all about love and how its with you and yet you don’t know and then it takes this couple so much time to realize that they actually love each other.

So, what is love? and how do you know that this is love?

I thought I knew it, but after my break up with my college boyfriend (who was a really nice person, but I had no respect for) I was a little shaken up about how mush do I know and is it correct or illusion. Well, in my favor I was naive and young and rebellious , but then I did believe very strongly (or at least wished) that this was my perfect story. I’ve always been a victim (although voluntarily) to this fairy-tales & movies type crap shit. I’ve wanted such things you know, like you trip and the guy catches you, when you both meet something happens and all that shit. Maybe that is the only way ‘Love Happens’ has been seen by my eyes. So how can I not believe it?

I’m more real now, but still not very sure of what I can say about love? If I call it a lifetime partnership, then I contradict on believing in individualism that may lead to separation too. If I call it something that happens many times, then again I am one little slobby thing, I get attached so easily and then it takes me too much time to get over.

Maybe I’ll know more when it comes along. Do you know something about it? Tell me !

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