Monthly Archives: February 2011

2 weeks without sleep..

Okay not without, but very less sleep and that makes you sleepy and want to crash on the floor whenever you get even a second free.

 

Wow..it actually has been that long since I left everything in my slow paced routine life and moved into a full swing-zapping-past-me-blurring-my-ability-to-think  week. Wow!!!

 

So my last post was about the V-Day that was Monday, continuing on….

 

The next two days at work were super busy. Lot of work and very less time. I stayed back a few days and totally missed out on my workout and diet plan (whatever was there of it). Thursday morning I got a call from the dance instructor who had borrowed money from me,which he had to forcefully return after I made a 100 calls and finally let other instructor at the office know about, anyways he called and said he had some passes to a dance show thing and I could have them if I wanted. I have never got free passes by myself, and I was excited about it, so I forgot that he is the biggest liar in the world, and I said if he could send them over to my office. He said he had sent them and then I asked my frenz, K and Nick and Tarun and my sis. All were up for it. Then I had make another 10 texts and calls to that Liar to find out why I hadn’t received the passes yet. He lied a lot again and I knew I was not going to get them. I felt totatlly stupid about getting so excited over it and asking my frenz about it.

 

Anyways, so this acquaintance of ours from Morocco, ‘Sash’ ( though K and Tarun), who’s in India for an internship, she called to say that there was a costume party thingy at her place and her firang(foreigner) friends would be there too, so we should come, and its ok if we don’t have the costumes ready. I asked everyone if we wanted to go there and so me, sis , Nick and K went. These people were so sporty, they bought costumes for each other and we had drinks and then the all had to go out to a club dressed like that. I would never do such a thing!!! I’m so bloody horribly conscious in my normal clothes, in my own skin…shit!! But I think also the adventure of being in a different country brings out a new side of you.

 

So we all went to this club where drinks were free for expats and we had to pay for our drinks. We were little lost in the group, coz we all only knew Sash and Nick didn’t even know her. But after sometime it got good and we danced around, my feet killed me which is equal to a party well enjoyed 🙂 . I like this cute and funny guy in the group, but I don’t think he was interested. All the firang guys were dancing around with all the girls and there were weird cheap Indian guys around, who came to stare or hit chance at making out with some firangi girls.

 

K had a good time, and Nick seemed bored. I was not just around him only, I thought it’d be good if spoke around and made some friends, Plus I was so not wanting to hear any comments from sis or K about him or me being interested in each other.

We left the place really late and then everyone was hungry, so we made a stop at a 24/7 open place and had some food. Relaxed and got horribly late. I reached home at 4am and had office at 8am next day. I slept for couple of hours and then got into cab and rushed to office.

The next 2 days at work were again busy and I ended up working on Saturday also, full day. I was leaving for home at 9:30pm, reaching by 10:30, eating something (mostly order out as mom was not home this week) and sleeping by 11:30. Waking at 6:30 – 6:45 am.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday was the same routine.

Thursday i.e yesterday was a colleague’s wedding and the team decided to go. We all reached back home and then met at one place and went to the wedding. I wore a red net saree with white embroidery done on it. I dressed up well , good makeup with big eye liner shaping my eyes, blused cheeks and glossy lips, bangles in one hand (which I love to wear) and was looking good.  🙂

I came back home at 1 am, slept by 2am and then again took office cab at 7 am. The entire team was so sleepy the whole day, it was almost funny. 🙂

 

Thanks god today I get some sleep. I’m pretty sure this weekend is gonna be all about snoozing. 🙂

 

Oh n ya! Some other things going one that I have no patience to tell in detail about:

1. I finished reading a new chik lit, Girl plus One, was not so interesting in the begining but later did get good.

2. Sis spent almost all of our house rent for this month on shopping for jeans and some shoes, while mom was away.

3. mom came back yesterday and has been so upset and screaming around since.

4. Dance class has been less enthu for since the dance instructor money lending thingy, I’m hoping I get back to being super excited about it.

5. Uploaded this new guitar video on my fb, got many lovely comments. I kept checking n rechecking my fb for updates for almost 2 days after posting it 🙂

 

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The V-day 2011

So the day went pretty well. I was not expecting much from the day and life itself, yet I had this tingly feeling all day. I woke up early, took a bath and washed my oiled hair (which did not come off completetly and left my hair looking little limp), wore a new shirt that I had bought in a sale and saved for the summer, reached office and started work.

All was okay. Through the day everyone in office was talking about why they were not on leave today and asking what plans they had for the eveining and also what were they planning to gift to their partners. It seemed like a Friday mood you know.

I was not excited or anything, but something was happy in me thinking at least I have plans today, so what if just with a friend. I passed the day with slow work and trying to get things done, the systems were also not in mood to work and slowing down like hell, hence more looking at the screen and less work getting completed for me.

I confirmed with Nick if we were stil on for the dinner thing and he said he’s come around by 7, so I stayed back after everyone left and waited in office for him. He was really late. He reached my ofice at 10pm and by then I had got totally bored and felt stupid also, for waiting so much. But I didn’t have a choice coz the office cabs had left and I also wanted to go out. 🙂

It was raining yesterday evening !! not pouring hard but drizzle fast and slow. So amazing!! There is something about rain that makes me all romantic and puppy eyed and dreamland wishful silly. He was waiting outside my office and I walked till him, a meet hug and he apologized for being so late, we sat in the car and then he pulled out a bouquet of roses for me. OMG!!! I was so suprised!! I loved the flowers! I think I had forgotten that someone can be sweet to me and that I too am worth getting flowers from someone. It was sooo nice!!

Although I was a little confused as to why he got them?? We were two friends meeting on valentione for dinner?? Anyways, I think I think too much about every thing, so i let it go. We went to Turcoise cottage in gurgaon and it was full with couples and mostly people coming from work directly. The place was good, dimly lit and there was the usual 70’s music that they play. We danced a bit, I kept the alcohol down to just 1 mojito and ordered some snacks. He hogged on chicken which I did not like but then I had only told him that he could order it and  I dont mind. While dancing too Nick was little close, I mean I would be away and then he would come close and start the you know ballroom stuff with holding my hand and placing it on his shoulder, andhis hand around my waist. I was little awkward. We sat down and started looking at other couples and I pointed him a cuple who were sitting very formally and distant to each other. I told him theymust have met recently adn they’re both tyring to impress each other. After sometime we saw the girl was hanging on to the guy, throwing her hands around his shoulder and pretty close to him. We laughed that the guy must’ve added something to her drink.  Later they took a different table and then again seemed distant. Yes, I’m the person who stares at others and observes them while at public places, coz I don’t have much to say. 

So Nick said, we should take the seats, something happens there. I pulled his hair and gave him a  grin.

Okay, now I’m all the more confused!! What does he want? and do I want that as well? what is all this?

I tried to ignore it all. He didn’t do any other such thing after that. We danced a bit more, he ate a bit more and then we drove back for home and it was quite a long drive with lot of talking and yes the thoughts of what he wants kept coming into my mind and I kept avoiding. While he dropped me we had a slight hug that you do when you’re both in the car and a slight kiss on the cheeks, which he always does so gently.  He puts his hands on your upper neck with his palms on your nape and near to the back of your ears and gently plants a peck on your cheek. Its so sweet.

And we said bye.

But I am still confused about What is all this? I’m trying to not think about it, but the image from yesterday, when he gave me the flowers and my face lit up with a broad smile, is coming to my mind and I’m smiling. 🙂

The idea that someone would bring me flowers!! wow!! I had almost forgotten how sweet it feels!!  🙂  I’m smiling again…

P.S:  I got a dream this morning where I saw me and Nick kissing and kina making out,,, the horrible stupid questions in my subconcious did take an image and show up huh!! And I’m 100% sure that that is nothing that I want or am looking forward to.

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The party with ‘N’

So last weekend was pretty fun.  I had no plans whatsoever but then something felt like I should do something, go out with friends and enjoy a little, no a lot, and enjoy this single status and also find someone cute as well.

So I asked K if he was up for it, he didn’t seem too excited so I didn’t take it seriously, I aslo called N to ask if he wants to go. I should give him a name no? Lets call K the’ London Guy’ and N would be ‘Nick’. So I called Nick and told him we might be going out so he could join, he was okay and told me to confirm him .

After I came from my dance class, I called London Guy and he was not very well so he didn’t want to go, I asked my sis and she had stomach ache, so a ‘No’ from her as well. So I asked Nick that no one else was there just me and him and he was okat about going.

I thought he would be the not-too-loud music person, so I took him to A.I club, but it was really lousy there, they has closed the outdoor space and inside there were only bunch of people. We had a few drinks and started getting enthu about it and that’s when the music was shut down too. We moved from there to FBar, I had to pay the entry coz his card wasn’t working. It was really good there. I took 2 more drinks and was high enough to enjoy myself. He was okay too and enjoying.

You know when we were’nt high we were little awkward with each other. We have never been to clubs together and you know the kind of invisible barbed wires that exist between people who are around for the first time on a dance floor , that was there. Once we got high, it was all so comfy. We danced all fun stuff and was so cool. Nothing romantic at all though, just fun friends stuff. Just like I am with A( remember the pal who I used to go out for parties a lot when in college and now he become so distant and stuff).

We got back home at 6am and had an amazing drunk fun time. I called him the next afternoon to chit chat about the party gossip and what all funny stuff and fun stuff happened yesterday, but he sisn’t talk much. He was busy with his family.

It’s a little weird for me, coz I’m realizing he’s hardly the person I thought of him. He’s so different, like making a new friend altogether. and maybe it is a new friendship in a new phase of life too.

As we had already decided earlier that we would go out on Monday for dinner and we stuck to the plan. Only he’s an hour and half late while I wait here in my office for him to come.

Somewhere between all this I’m really thinking about whether he;s anice guy for me to date or not. He hasn’t asked me yet or anything. But jst thinking about it made me all ‘Noo’. I hope I’m not leading him to think I’m interested and this is exactly what i hate. Me doubting myself, if I’m behaving the right way and giving the right signals.  I mean hello, its a weird world and poeple can pick up all wrong signals, so why the hell am I worried.

Anyways, I don’t think he’s my kina dating person. But yes someone asking me out would be good, but so not at the cost of friendship. I think he’s a great guy, but just not my type.

Ah… I think all the my- types have died somewhere or swore to never meet me.

I also found myself thinking about my ex a few times over the past month. But it was just ‘memories flashing’ nothing liek missing or anything.

Btw I wrote about this ‘Cute Guy’ at office about 6 months back, and about how it had led to nowhere at all even though I did show little interest. I just founf him on my office network and he told me he was getting married. hmmph!!

Marraige is one mystry to me..so far..

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A matter of Perspective..

As I sit here in my office, getting so bored that I swear I’m almost sleeping with eyes wide open, I feel that somehow things and situations of my life could look so different if I change or shift my perspective about them.

How I came upon this thought is another story altogether. About a month back, I had lent some money to my dance instructor, which he said would be returned in a week but then he didn’t. So now everytime I meet him in class he tries to talk about the dance andhow I’m doing at it and says all the goody stuff, and when he sees that I’m buffed with the compliments he quitetly adds that he’ll pay me later due to x..y..z.. reasons. I agree!

Now this worked for him a2-3 times, but I knew he was trying to put me high and get away with his excuses. So last class he was supposed to pay me up and then in the evening before class I get a call from him saying that he will not come to the office today and then started talking about how I should take dance professionally and get into the learning classes and I asked him that ‘it needs 50 hours of dance once you get in and I’m working so how is that going to work? ‘. He started telling me options to come after work and to the locations that are closer to my work and how I can cover the remaining hours on weekends. I knew he was straying me from the question I would ask him, but still I let him go and then my mind drifted to how it would be if I actually danced everyday. OMG!! I couldn’t believe it! Can I ? Really? Dance every single day..wow!!

Then I thought about how work will be if I danced everyday. Well, it gave me a pretty good picture I must say. If you’ve read me here a few times, you’d know how much I hate not having passion for what I do as a job. And now I was thinking of going to work, I wuld carry my dance clothes to office, spending the day working, which I’m good at, then also keep thinking about the dance class that would be in the evening, finish my work and run for the dance class, exhaust and thrill on the floor and then home. The next day again I pack my dance gear and go through office in excitement of the evening class. Wow!!

This was a very different picture of work for me. I have never been able to set work back and feel ok with it. It bugs me. But now I could se myself earning money from the job and pushing hard to get my passion, dance! My job suddenly seemed like just a job. Although its importance dosen’t get low in my life, yet now it seemed like a money earning resource and I was not trying to find passion in it. I already had my passion waiting for me each evening.

Wow!! Seems like I was looking the wrong place for my passion.

Anyhow, I did think about taking the dance learning classes and so I will continue to work and dance.  However, they have auditions to take you in and that I will have to clear. Maybe in Feb end. If work was just the time spent before I dance, I’d be super excited to pass this time quickly. Also, I have to get my weight down before I get there(see my attempts at this at my new health blog). And obviously once I’m there then it would be maintained by all the dancing. 🙂

T0 dance and Passion!! Cheers!!

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Can Friends get romantic??

I’ve always kept my friends away from the category of dating/romantic prospects for me. For me when I meet a guy, I’m either romantically inclined or friendly inclined.  When I’m romantic I shy a little, don’t talk too much, flash my smile, arrange my hair every now and then and other stuff. In other words I get conscious. And when friendly thing is there, then i crack jokes, be comfortable, forget about my hair or bulging tummy, I talk as much rubbish I want and am myself.

 

I will have to confess that whenever I feel a romantic thing, I try to put my best there and get conscious.  But we all do right? At least in the beginning? I somehow also feel that I act differently and I don’t like that about myself. But I get so conscious.

 

Anyways, so my doubt is that can friends be romantically involved? I mean I know they can, we are free people and do whatever we want, but then, does it not mean Risking too much?  Friendship is one of the best things and if you stake it to take a chance on romance, is it worth it? Could you be friends even after? even if it worked or didn’t?

Well forget about after, lets talk about you decide to take the chance. Then how do you behave? Do you flirt and smile at the friend who’s seen you get drunk and hit at guys in this manner before? Do you blush on a compliment when he’s made several jokes on earlier? How do you behave? Its all so confusing..

 

The reason I’m asking all this is that whenever a friend even tires to be more than friendly, I freak out!! Not that it has happened a lot, but those few times, I start taking everything as a joke and hit back jokes on him to embarrass him.  I don’t know what to do and try to get out of that place immediately.

 

How can you be romantic with a person who’s seen you at your worst and weirdest??

Anyhow, so this friend of mine, ‘N’, the guy who was to move to Delhi and was to meet me and didn’t for sometime, well we met up today. I had a dance class at 7pm and he had work till 5pm, so he came around my house at 6pm and we sat at a coffee shop for an hour and talked. He was mostly venting about his work and how they make them work like crazy. I had nothing much to say (as usual) and was trying to fill the silences. Then I went back to my class and he headed to meet his friend for drinks. I did hint him that I could join him after my class, but he didn’t hear me totally and thought I was saying I could miss the class and said I shouldn’t. I didn’t mention it again.

So we left and then 30 min back I opened fb and he was online. I told him I could’ve missed the class today, but just didn’t think then and he was thinking the same that we could’ve got together after my class too. We both laughed it off and said we can meet again sometime. I suggested the weekend where I could maybe introduce him to a friend, my sis’ friend actually, she’s slim and beautiful but little dumb (I didn’t tel him that). He said we could also meet on the V-day and he’ll try to get out of office little early. He asked me ‘Will you go out with me?’  and I said ‘ok’, he replies ‘gr8! Its a date then’ . Ahem..Ahemm..

I know / think it doesn’t mean anything, but somehow over that last 3 times I met him , over long durations, he does/says something that leaves me thinking.

 

He’s a decent guy and nature wise he’s not my type in many ways, but then I don’t know how he is to date either.

Well, I don’t think I want to date him , but I’m struggling to find a reason as to why not? I mean, am I limiting my life and experiences by my baseless ideas. How do I know if it works or not if I don’t try?  Monica and Chandler got it all right? Ross and Rachael remained friends after all romance ended?  How would I know?

 

Well, the thing is, he’s not even showed any interest whatsoever, and I’m already thinking these things up.. And I don’t even know if I’m interested or not..

 

But seriously, I don’t want to limit myself to experiences and chances, by these ideas in my brain, that are not facts or rules. These are just baseless restrictions I have in my brain that I think can make life easy, but instead make it so much more complicated.

 

So what are your experiences on ‘Mixing Romance into Friendship’??

 

 

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Between Me and them..

A lot of my friends, Most out of my few friends are doing really good in their careers and even some of my mot-friends are. These people are mostly from my college and so Ihave known them through the essential growing up 4 years of our lives.

Last night I found ‘N’ on facebook chat. Remember, he’s the one who is very sweet and I’m really fond of and the one who keeps going to Ney York and I amso happy about. Well, he moved to my city, Delhi a few months back and we had met up on his visit to Delhi a couple of months even before that and then we had planned all the amazing fun we would have once he’s here. But ever since he’s been here, its a No show and No call either. It was heartbreaking, but I’m so used to this happening, you know making exciting plans and then getting ditched, that I’m ok now.

Anyways, so I was chatting to him and he was appreciating me for all the things I’m doing in life, jazz dance, guitar,gym and all. He was like you’re a complete package. 🙂 I was happy to hear it, coz just few minutes back my fren B, who’s in USA also, said the same thing to me. I asked him about his life and how he was doing and also complained about the no show, he told me he was very busy at work, which I have heard before too, and that he was working on weekends too and also travelling within country a lot.

*Sigh* I heard my heart going.

Even I’m working, even I’m here but still so not here. You know.

I told him  I felt so left behind when I see them making such progress. And its true. But I also know that no matter how much I drag my ass here there will be no good. So I’ve decided to take it easy and work normal and live normal and give myself some quality time also.

But seriously, isn’t this the time to runa fter your dreams and forget about everything else? Then how come I’m not going crazy, while all these other people are? N is working his ass off and also moving ahead fast, S is in canada and again working like mad and still staying thin as ever. how?? I know how, mostly not eating and depression over her heartbreak, I wouldn’t want that part. Anyways, so what’s the deal?

The thing is that I did all that,, work like a crazy person and tool up more than I could handle and gave it night and day and dreams, but I ended up leaving with no promotion or hike and found myself in a place where no matter what I do my goal will not be met (going abroad for long term). So I switched my job to a place where there are opportunities to get what I want, atleast there are options and so you can compete your way to it. But the first project that I got was again not in line with my goals and I’m not looking for trouble, so I didn’t object either. Also its taking me lot of time to settle into a new work environment and I’m not going mad.

I can see that I have to wait for another 4 months to get my dream and that is ok with me, but still I feel a little less on putting effort. Of course there is the fact that it will happen only when my current project is over and I complete 1 year in the new firm, but sitting easy and not running after it, makes me anxious and doubt myself.

I love giving time to my hobbies though and also taking care of myself. and gym and stuff.  But sometimes I wonder why I’m not working myself out to reach my dream.

Between me and them (my friends) , I see they have already achieved what I haven’t even started to run after.

Also I know some stupid idiots who are sitting there (abroad) and enjoying the money and scenary, when I am so much more deserving than them.

Well, in time I can believe and believe it will be mine when its time. A little low paced and some enjoyment..makes me anxious for sure… but I am doing the things I love and enjoy, while they have no time for what they love to do.  Feel better now. 🙂

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