Monthly Archives: May 2010

While I was away..

I haven’t been to real office, like with a system and all in a while, so haven’t got the time to update and post. But today, for some reason, I feel awfully restless, really since morning, or more like since mid sleep state I was waking up and looking around, searching for something, not knowing what and then fall back to sleep in confusion. Woke up with the same confusion in my entire body and then it carried along through the day.

Just a little reminder for where I was when I was away(from my blog)…

I did resign from my past job and the resignation came to an end on 13th May, a few farewell parties and then so many times goodbye to a few people over and over again. I was there saying bye and then feeling so ‘really is this happening?’ and also very very happy. Someone at office asked me on my last day that how I was feeling and I answered ‘Really very happy’ ..hahah.. don’t think that was the professionally right thing to do, and he was confused saying really, people are usually sad and I replied, ‘They all lie, I’m telling you!’..hahaha..

Well, after I left last at work, I had a break of about 5 days till I joined the new office. I had a few things on my mind for what I wanted to do, one was go somewhere out of Delhi, then some shopping for new office wear and then see a couple of movies.

Now I did go out of Delhi, AGRA, I have some relatives there and it was fun. I went to Taj Mahal and wow was it great. I mean it was amazing really, I am surely going there again. We stayed there for 2 days and had to rush back as my sister was back home and had a tooth ache and was crying over the phone. ha! Then the movie thing yes, not many just one, ‘Badmash Company’ with mom and oh I love Shahid Kapoor. :).  I really didn’t get to shop at all.

I joined the new organisation and had a 2 days induction program and all the new ways of working, the new policies, the new systems did get me a little nervous cum something, but I was happy. Met some new people and that felt good too.

Then yesterday I went to the office, where I will be working from. The ride was a little tough but I was all prepared. I had never been to that part of Gurgaon and had no idea where to get off from the bus, then I walked a lot and find my way around and finally I reached there. i met some people from the induction group who were also part of our team and then the reporting person we needed to meet. We were told there would be a quick assessment kind of thing that will help them get us into a project as per out skills and we were all unprepared. I did not clear out for the first project coz that needed good SQL skills, which I do not have and then they gave us a lot of areas to work on and prepare through the weekend and we will have the client interview on Monday. I haven’t read anything yet and am feeling so distracted since morning. Feeling little better now after writing this all, and also whenever I oil my hair I get into a very lazy, can’t do anything coz I have oily hair kinda mood, which I don’t like and I did oil my hair today..aahh..nonsense ya!

Also, Friday is casual day and I had to buy some jeans and wanted to impress the new office people, so on Thursday I went shopping alone and I did actually get some good jeans at Levis, which I never get, but then my credit card maxed out and I had to take back only one pair and leave one there until I pay for it, which he said he would send it to my home and hasn’t sent yet.

Something also very stupid happened yesterday, in the new office. I was in the washroom and these 3 girls were talking about gym and weight, but they were slim girls ok, then one of then said ‘no I’ve really put on weight’ and she and the one she was talking to looked at me, I was standing kind of on their side and I was doing my hair, they looked at me and my stomach(no really I noticed) and both of them burst into giggles looking on the other side. I really felt so bad, so insulted, I looked at them and they were looking the other way and stopped giggling soon, but I died there. I don’t know why but it really pinched me. I’ve started doing yoga for the past 2 weeks and I think I have been doing good and even toning up, and suddenly in that moment all my efforts felt drained off and I felt so ugly and worthless. I felt like the fat ugly duckling who gets bullied everywhere. I know it’s just some silly girl joke and I myself have made fun of other girls when with my friends, but this really made me sad and feel really bad. I don’t know if it was the new unfamiliar place or feeling alone or what, but it was really bad. Well, I am going to continue my yoga and try coz no way can I live without loving myself and i need to be what I love.

On my way back to home, coincidentally I met my school friend while crossing the street. We took the same bus and chat on the way home. Real coincidence!

A friend’s wedding coming up next weekend and I am taking Thursday and Friday off and will be going to Lucknow. I have so many things lined up for tomorrow, yoga, laundry, hair wash and hair cut, formal’s shopping, train reservations, ready documents to submit on Monday and guitar class ;).  let’s see what all I get done!

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To stop and think

I am so flirting with my guitar tutor, who btw is a year and a half younger to me( just had to mention that).  Now nothing starts up on its own, but this time it was he who initiated it all.

Yes, I was in total awe of him whenever I saw him playing the guitar and then he’s also kinda cute, but not good dressing sense, but I never made a, you know official hit on him. It was just me praising his guitar skills and he would always be amused that I was so impressed.

We started off easily with the lessons and he’s been a good fun tutor, chatting away and making jokes, but all this started last week, all I did was ask him to find me a cute guitarist between 24-27 age group and he said he missed the criteria by just 1 year.

Yesterday, was a whole new story. He came and I was dead tired to take a class, luckily he was also exhausted so he didn’t want to teach, so we sat there just chatting away. He mentioned he was not able to find anyone for me and that only he was available. Then this thing went on and on and then he started playing some songs for me.. just for me.. to get some pointers so I would consider him. I kept asking about his colleagues, who turned to have weird names and he obviously was saying they were dumb and his teacher (whom he learnt music with), who is a 50 years old bachelor man with a BMW and his own recording studio.  wow!! He was like really trying you know, that I would somehow take him seriously, and then I got into the game and did some curved smiles and eyelash batterring..and now I’m thinking.. why did I have to do this?

He also told me he’s going to be travelling to Mumbai twice every week and there would be a change in my class schedule, with additional info that he could have his spouse/girlfriend travel with him too. I told him he couldn’t bribe me with that.

Somehow we started playing the game of me giving him points, when he compared his pro’s over his colleague’s cons. Then he played some songs for me, one was really romantic and old one, and he said, I learned this long time back and now am getting to apply them.  And when he left he was on 7 points and the criteria was 10, so he told me he’s going t get a 100 pointer song for me next time that he recorded in the studio. And while leaving he told me people usually say away such things and in the end say they’re kidding, but ‘I am not kidding’. God! did he mean it?

I was mostly laughing away all of it, except the smiling and eyelash battering.  Somehow I was also  thinking, ‘this can’t be serious, he’s younger to me and he’ll ge ta  lot of girls who are more slim and sexy’ (now that was my self-doubt speaking). But seriously, I couldn’t understand why would he want to flirt with me, it didn’t make sense.

Anyhow, I did dream about how it would be if we were together and although I can’t get myself to ignore his dressing sense and his scarf that he wears on his head before he puts on a helmet and the bike he rides.  I told my sis about it and she said he was cute and 1 year younger didn’t matter.  I told her she was giving me wrong advice. Then we were laughing away on how we should never take opinion from each other on the guys we like/date, coz either they don’t seem good enough for my sister or we don’t agree that he’s good. lol!

Now I’m thinking, why the hell did i flirt with him, however subtly, but I did get into it?  He did persuade me and tried, but why did I get there? It was fun and i enjoyed the attention and the high knowing that someone younger was into me, but still not sure why I played along?

Maybe when after a long time when someone flirts with you, you just flirt back, in excitement? in disbelief? in no-sense?

I know this will never go anywhere,a nd even if this would be a little light thing, I would eventually end up loosing my tutor, who teaches me amazing stuff. So now I stop to think and have decided I am not making this happen next time. Maybe he will try to convince me but I will not be convinced. I can flirt al little, more subtly but don’t want to mess anything up. I won’t let anything happen and just limit it here to having a good laugh over all this how much eligible he is for me.  Why is this feeling sad to writer though ?

Am I making sense?   Tell me if I’m not.

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