Its been almost 2 years since I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. I’m not gonna waste words on why we broke up and it literally seems a waste of words to me. So anyways, now that I have over with whatsoever post break up phases except ‘get into another relationship/fling’.
So am i ready to share my time and live and love? Well i guess i would like to a boyfriend who is cute, smart, handsome, intelligent, funny, adventurous and decent guy, who’s also cool and down to earth, has lots of cool friends and who loves me, adore me, and is simply crazy about me(in a sane way plz). And yes I would like to feel the same for him too. But then why haven’t i been seeing any guys yet? I think its been long enough now. Its a mix of ‘I always meet jerks ‘ and ‘I have no stamina to put so much efforts into making it work’. I also happen to keep looking around for my kina guy.
Since when has finding the right guy become ‘FINDING’ in literal terms. I think it would be great if we just meet and become friends, date and fall for each other. But then what do my eyes keep looking for? Am i ready for a relationship? I think i am for a light one, but the right guy hasn’t come around yet.
So what if I hardly go to parties and even when i do I’m very doubtful of other intentions and am happy all by myself. And when i find someone close to ‘my-kina-guy’, he’s either hooked with some girl or he eyeing my sister( this makes me really mad) or he’s doesn’t even look my way. What going on here? I have no clue. But hey i always look around ok. And yes I also fantasize a little at times, you know make my own sweet dreams of how and when we meet. How amazing i look and how cute and smart he is and how we click so well and also sometimes the following events ( ok always ) 🙂 But in my dreams i’m very casual and drop my guards, but when in reality i’m so conscious and feel very vulnerable. maybe i need some practice at this.
Another thing is I am very conservative when it comes to love connections and stuff. It has to mean something and I cannot see myself having flings. Ok flings are supposed to be good right? But i don’t see how kissing a stranger and exchanging my number to the guy who I’m meeting for the first time will ever mean anything or will he ever have some respect for me ever and more than that will i ever have some respect for myself? Now its not that i haven’t done stupid stuff, but i don’t like to think of that much but that haunts me. my mistakes and follow my thoughts as shadows and remind me of wrong i was. So flings are not for me.
so what do you’ll think? maybe tonight on the New Years party i will meet someone special? i.e if i go 😉