2 weeks without sleep..

Okay not without, but very less sleep and that makes you sleepy and want to crash on the floor whenever you get even a second free.

 

Wow..it actually has been that long since I left everything in my slow paced routine life and moved into a full swing-zapping-past-me-blurring-my-ability-to-think  week. Wow!!!

 

So my last post was about the V-Day that was Monday, continuing on….

 

The next two days at work were super busy. Lot of work and very less time. I stayed back a few days and totally missed out on my workout and diet plan (whatever was there of it). Thursday morning I got a call from the dance instructor who had borrowed money from me,which he had to forcefully return after I made a 100 calls and finally let other instructor at the office know about, anyways he called and said he had some passes to a dance show thing and I could have them if I wanted. I have never got free passes by myself, and I was excited about it, so I forgot that he is the biggest liar in the world, and I said if he could send them over to my office. He said he had sent them and then I asked my frenz, K and Nick and Tarun and my sis. All were up for it. Then I had make another 10 texts and calls to that Liar to find out why I hadn’t received the passes yet. He lied a lot again and I knew I was not going to get them. I felt totatlly stupid about getting so excited over it and asking my frenz about it.

 

Anyways, so this acquaintance of ours from Morocco, ‘Sash’ ( though K and Tarun), who’s in India for an internship, she called to say that there was a costume party thingy at her place and her firang(foreigner) friends would be there too, so we should come, and its ok if we don’t have the costumes ready. I asked everyone if we wanted to go there and so me, sis , Nick and K went. These people were so sporty, they bought costumes for each other and we had drinks and then the all had to go out to a club dressed like that. I would never do such a thing!!! I’m so bloody horribly conscious in my normal clothes, in my own skin…shit!! But I think also the adventure of being in a different country brings out a new side of you.

 

So we all went to this club where drinks were free for expats and we had to pay for our drinks. We were little lost in the group, coz we all only knew Sash and Nick didn’t even know her. But after sometime it got good and we danced around, my feet killed me which is equal to a party well enjoyed 🙂 . I like this cute and funny guy in the group, but I don’t think he was interested. All the firang guys were dancing around with all the girls and there were weird cheap Indian guys around, who came to stare or hit chance at making out with some firangi girls.

 

K had a good time, and Nick seemed bored. I was not just around him only, I thought it’d be good if spoke around and made some friends, Plus I was so not wanting to hear any comments from sis or K about him or me being interested in each other.

We left the place really late and then everyone was hungry, so we made a stop at a 24/7 open place and had some food. Relaxed and got horribly late. I reached home at 4am and had office at 8am next day. I slept for couple of hours and then got into cab and rushed to office.

The next 2 days at work were again busy and I ended up working on Saturday also, full day. I was leaving for home at 9:30pm, reaching by 10:30, eating something (mostly order out as mom was not home this week) and sleeping by 11:30. Waking at 6:30 – 6:45 am.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday was the same routine.

Thursday i.e yesterday was a colleague’s wedding and the team decided to go. We all reached back home and then met at one place and went to the wedding. I wore a red net saree with white embroidery done on it. I dressed up well , good makeup with big eye liner shaping my eyes, blused cheeks and glossy lips, bangles in one hand (which I love to wear) and was looking good.  🙂

I came back home at 1 am, slept by 2am and then again took office cab at 7 am. The entire team was so sleepy the whole day, it was almost funny. 🙂

 

Thanks god today I get some sleep. I’m pretty sure this weekend is gonna be all about snoozing. 🙂

 

Oh n ya! Some other things going one that I have no patience to tell in detail about:

1. I finished reading a new chik lit, Girl plus One, was not so interesting in the begining but later did get good.

2. Sis spent almost all of our house rent for this month on shopping for jeans and some shoes, while mom was away.

3. mom came back yesterday and has been so upset and screaming around since.

4. Dance class has been less enthu for since the dance instructor money lending thingy, I’m hoping I get back to being super excited about it.

5. Uploaded this new guitar video on my fb, got many lovely comments. I kept checking n rechecking my fb for updates for almost 2 days after posting it 🙂

 

Not living enough..

Suddenly life seems like not enough.. It’s just one of those days when you feel like you’re breathing and eating and shitting.. but not living enough.

 

Why I feel this way? would be something I have to think about.

 

In general, I do feel that I’m moving at a much slower pace in my life, even if it be Made Rat Race of life that I’m in, the race of materialism and money, even if I hate to be in it, I still want to be ahead in it.

I see my friends who are doing much better, earning more, travelling more, living more and then I see myself, stuck with budgets, doing a 9-5 job, boring to death, cancelling all fun things where money is needed, not going with family on vacations coz that’ll be 4 people and right now I’m not even good for 1 person.

I feel selfish and sad today. I hate the responsibilities of my life today, I hate my situation and my struggles today. They make me want to cry, cry out loud coz I see others  at a much better place and no struggles.

 

I hate that I’m not that happy-go-lucky person, I hate that I’m not always slim and sexy, I hate that I can’t be where I want to be, I hate that I’m not compassionate and am filled with regrets and grudges. Today, I hate to be hating so much.

 

My sister has left for Mumbai today morning, with my friend D, to attend anotehr friends wedding. I didn’t go. Any guess why? First Expenses and second Grudges. Expenses that I did not want to make coz I had no money and even if I had I wouldn’t spend it on her wedding attendance, grudges because this friend was my school pal, her family also became very close to us, then her parents borrowed some 30K from my mom, without us knowing, and then they disappeared  overnight. 4 years later she got in touch and sent the check back without interest. Later I got to know she lost her father. But I hate her for breaking that trust, for cheating us. She is now rich and spends lavishly.  When she was inviting us over and over again, I told her frankly I cannot spend so much just to see her get married, she asked that she would send the tickets and I did not agree. I don’t think I would have been happy to see her so well off and having all the happiness when I would be there on her pity and mercy.

 

I don’t feel like I’m a good person today, but still..I hope I will learn and get over this. I hope never to see this ‘Me’ again.

 

Somethings…A saved draft.

I’ve been happy, not ready for change and consoling myself, excited and little scared..yeah…that’s it..

Happy – somehow I’ve been feeling happy n content lately. I’m not restless all the time like earlier. I don’t even feel useless and wasting my life or overburdened with responsibility. Also I’m pretty sure that things are soon going to work out my way. There may be a couple of things that have lead to this (and no boy reason at all) and I’m happy to be happy.

Not ready for change – this is something about work. I will have to move from my clients offc to my co.’s office. They don’t have food n cab there and I’m not ok with the effort that would go there.. its because work is enough work right, atleast they can make sure that people dun have to worry more on other things..like food n how to get to ofc. I know I’ll  manage but still ..hmmph!

Excited – over my dance classes. We’re having a show in Jan and d first class was today. Our theme is Moulin Rouge and dance track is amazing n d choreography too..I will surely post the video soon.

Scared – can’t remember why I had mentioned it.

————————–That was the draft I saved some days back and could not finish it coz my sister was standing behind me waiting to use the pc, I just can’t write if someone is reading as I write and also I keep this space away from people who know me. I don’t want any judgements please…

 

Coming to today..

The last week was so hectic and so crazzy. A fren of mine ‘T’ was getting married and there were these events to attend, his sister was getting married a few days before him, so double the events. I went to attend his sisters wedding, I wore a black sleeveless kurta and chridaar, not much fancy or anything, my arms were starting and never ending in all the pics. God I looked fat! Like swollen or something! I hated the pics..so not posting them.  Thank god I’ve started GYM (yet again) and seriously I just don’t know why I leave it at all?? ..

 

Then was the cocktail party one day before my fren T’s wedding. That was some fun! When we were leaving from home I was in really pissed off mood, dun knw why, I didn’t even feel like dressing up or anything, but once we reached there and some alcohol went down I was all happy. There were about 30 odd people invited and it was the first time I was attending this sort of party. Not knowing many people and talking to everyone and stuff. The end of the party was hilarious when guys started totally crazzy dance. I even shot a video of it, its not posted on youtube yet so no link.

Then cam T’s wedding day. It was Monday night and thankfully we had someone to drive with. It’s such a pain not owning a car, you’re so dependent and also you feel like ‘he/she won’t die if they pick/drop me home’ and ‘what if its a little out of way, you only have to sit and drive, not walk and carry me in your arms or on your back’…aaaggrr.. If only we had 10k more every month  we would definitely take car loan and a CAR!! hmmppp! His wedding event was so far away and there was such traffic jam, but we started singing songs and playing games, so time went well. It was really cold and I was wearing a light saree, so I was almost shivering all the time. It even rained on and off and since the place was open, more cold. T looked great, a very handsome groom, the bride was also fine, caked makeup and good lehnga. Frankly, I thought he could get someone better, but I guess arranged marriages are compromising on everything.  It was strange to see him get married. I can’t say for sure that I was happy for him, though I kept saying it to others around me. I didn’t feel happy for sure. I kept thinking about how he’s gonna be a different person after marriage and how restricting our friendship  would become. It all felt so weird!

 

Talking of T, I met him through sis and her friend K. K and T are school buddies. The first time I met him, he seemed cute we went clubbing and I taught him how to move around even if you can’t dance. It was fun. A few days later sis told me that T told K that I was double sized than my sis. I was so pissed at this. Well yes I was little healthy, but still that’s not the way to put things and I was so sweet to him. I swore on not meeting him again and whenever there were plans and I knew he was coming then I would cancel. After I think a year or so I met T again., he was confused at why I was pissed and I told him what K has told sis, he said he had told it in a completely different way saying that he like girls who had some flesh on them and I was like that.  Finally the misunderstanding was over and we got talking again. We even went out with sis and K for clubbing and stuff.  Not much but sometimes we used to talk on phone and usually I got along well with him, although honestly he does come from little backward family and it reflects in him too much. Then we also went on a river rafting trip with T and his fren. It was much fun. So that’s the kina fren he and me are.

 

Btw on his cocktail party thing, I played a prank on him, I told him that I used to like him but since he never paid any attention so I never said anything. He went red for a second and then laughed about it. I was not happy how the prank was going so I took it ahead, I told him that it’s good he’s not yet married and maybe he can have an extra marital affair too. He would just laugh at it all. K and sis knew about the prank too. So they were looking from a distance while I tool T alone in a corner and was telling him all this. The prank didn’t play along well and all that I could get from him was to give me broad smiles whenever we had eye contact and were in a group. You know the kinna smile you share when you both know a secret. hahaha..that was fun… At the end of evening we told him it was a prank and he was embarrassed..even though he hadn’t responded much. FUn!!

 

I haven’t spoken to him since his wedding and now I’m thinking whether I should call him or not!!! hmmm….dun knw..

While I was away..

I haven’t been to real office, like with a system and all in a while, so haven’t got the time to update and post. But today, for some reason, I feel awfully restless, really since morning, or more like since mid sleep state I was waking up and looking around, searching for something, not knowing what and then fall back to sleep in confusion. Woke up with the same confusion in my entire body and then it carried along through the day.

Just a little reminder for where I was when I was away(from my blog)…

I did resign from my past job and the resignation came to an end on 13th May, a few farewell parties and then so many times goodbye to a few people over and over again. I was there saying bye and then feeling so ‘really is this happening?’ and also very very happy. Someone at office asked me on my last day that how I was feeling and I answered ‘Really very happy’ ..hahah.. don’t think that was the professionally right thing to do, and he was confused saying really, people are usually sad and I replied, ‘They all lie, I’m telling you!’..hahaha..

Well, after I left last at work, I had a break of about 5 days till I joined the new office. I had a few things on my mind for what I wanted to do, one was go somewhere out of Delhi, then some shopping for new office wear and then see a couple of movies.

Now I did go out of Delhi, AGRA, I have some relatives there and it was fun. I went to Taj Mahal and wow was it great. I mean it was amazing really, I am surely going there again. We stayed there for 2 days and had to rush back as my sister was back home and had a tooth ache and was crying over the phone. ha! Then the movie thing yes, not many just one, ‘Badmash Company’ with mom and oh I love Shahid Kapoor. :).  I really didn’t get to shop at all.

I joined the new organisation and had a 2 days induction program and all the new ways of working, the new policies, the new systems did get me a little nervous cum something, but I was happy. Met some new people and that felt good too.

Then yesterday I went to the office, where I will be working from. The ride was a little tough but I was all prepared. I had never been to that part of Gurgaon and had no idea where to get off from the bus, then I walked a lot and find my way around and finally I reached there. i met some people from the induction group who were also part of our team and then the reporting person we needed to meet. We were told there would be a quick assessment kind of thing that will help them get us into a project as per out skills and we were all unprepared. I did not clear out for the first project coz that needed good SQL skills, which I do not have and then they gave us a lot of areas to work on and prepare through the weekend and we will have the client interview on Monday. I haven’t read anything yet and am feeling so distracted since morning. Feeling little better now after writing this all, and also whenever I oil my hair I get into a very lazy, can’t do anything coz I have oily hair kinda mood, which I don’t like and I did oil my hair today..aahh..nonsense ya!

Also, Friday is casual day and I had to buy some jeans and wanted to impress the new office people, so on Thursday I went shopping alone and I did actually get some good jeans at Levis, which I never get, but then my credit card maxed out and I had to take back only one pair and leave one there until I pay for it, which he said he would send it to my home and hasn’t sent yet.

Something also very stupid happened yesterday, in the new office. I was in the washroom and these 3 girls were talking about gym and weight, but they were slim girls ok, then one of then said ‘no I’ve really put on weight’ and she and the one she was talking to looked at me, I was standing kind of on their side and I was doing my hair, they looked at me and my stomach(no really I noticed) and both of them burst into giggles looking on the other side. I really felt so bad, so insulted, I looked at them and they were looking the other way and stopped giggling soon, but I died there. I don’t know why but it really pinched me. I’ve started doing yoga for the past 2 weeks and I think I have been doing good and even toning up, and suddenly in that moment all my efforts felt drained off and I felt so ugly and worthless. I felt like the fat ugly duckling who gets bullied everywhere. I know it’s just some silly girl joke and I myself have made fun of other girls when with my friends, but this really made me sad and feel really bad. I don’t know if it was the new unfamiliar place or feeling alone or what, but it was really bad. Well, I am going to continue my yoga and try coz no way can I live without loving myself and i need to be what I love.

On my way back to home, coincidentally I met my school friend while crossing the street. We took the same bus and chat on the way home. Real coincidence!

A friend’s wedding coming up next weekend and I am taking Thursday and Friday off and will be going to Lucknow. I have so many things lined up for tomorrow, yoga, laundry, hair wash and hair cut, formal’s shopping, train reservations, ready documents to submit on Monday and guitar class ;).  let’s see what all I get done!

Sleepy and lame post..

Disclainer: This is a sleepy and lame post. Please don not blame me as I was also under heavy influence.

CAution: Might be infectious!

This was supposed to be a long fun weekend but instead it became a tiring and waste of time.

Anyhow, I spent Friday watching TV until my eyelids kinna sunk. Saturday was also much of TV and lots of sleeping, I really didn’t get any peaceful or decent hours of sleep through last week and then comes weekend nights, where I don’t need to worry on any alarms, but I get a bad sleep time, you know the kind of thing you have when something is wrong, the pillow, the posture, and you can’t figure it out to correct it either, so that’s why I kinna slept through Saturday. We were to attend a cousin’s wedding on Sunday, so Saturday evening was all about who’s wearing what and the trials and giving opinions, which I do give and then have to hear that I’m good for nothing or misguiding :). Anyways, I wasn’t at all excited over this event, coz the last time we did get pretty excited but the outcome wasn’t nice. Relatives are really mean people. So I decided on wearing a salwaar kameez for whatsoever number of events there were. Sunday morning was a havoc, coz nothing was packed and we were to leave with our aunt and reach her place, but we were not at all prepared. After much noise we did move out of house and reached my aunt’s place much later. We all literally stuffed into their car and moved for the wedding house. The welcome wasn’t exactly warm and for some reason I was getting the cold shoulder from my aunt and cousins, the one whose marraige it was. What?  I was confused, but then I decided not to think much, and helped around the house with little stuff.

Later in the evening we moved (again stuffed in the car) for the wedding place, which was quite far and took us a lot of time and we were all really exhausted. We got ready and the rest of the people came in much later. The ceremony started by 11:30pm and we were all hungry wolves. Was good to have all the cousins around though, except the ones giving me cold looks. My feet were killing me and somehow I feel I’ve lost the resistance to pain for fashion sake, comfort is my only way, and then some dancing. Finally we left the wedding in between at 12:30 am and went to rest, which also did not happen, as the mosquitoes found a new taste of blood and coudn’t resist us, which meant we slept around 5am and woke up around 9am. God this is boring..let me cut this short. Then we once again visited the cousin’s place, saw the bride and some dance and jokes and left at 8pm and reached home by 9:3pm.

Ordered food and cake for my sister’s birthday and stayed awake till midnight to celebrate. Btw she turned 26 and it is so unbelievable. And yes, everyone at home things she should be the next one to get married off. Dozed off around 1am and woke up at 5:45am and am here in office since then with goosebumps on my arms coz they have the freaking air condition running at such low temperature. I’m seriously considering carrying a woollen something to office everyday, until they turn the heat up(which is not going to happen) else something else (can’t say now, will do later).

This is to be counted as one of my lamest and sleepiest posts. I’m dreaming with my eyes open, about a good sleep. Yawn!!!

Hope you’ll had  fun weekend!

A new phase: The Wedding Part 2

So, my friend ‘B’ got married yesterday. She moved on to a new phase of life, leaving her singledom and moving to a family and a spouse with promises of being together for good or worse. It was great. Lovely! I wish her all the love and luck in life.

The events started with the mehndi (as explained earlier) and there were songs and dance and so much fun. We were up till 1 am and then curled into the quilts on mattresses that were laid on the living room floor (this is usually how 20-30 guests are accomodated into a 4 people space), then we kept chatting for like 2 hours and then we were hungry, so we ate a midnight snack and some more chatting and then slept for some 5 hours to wake up and start again. Btw by we, I mean me, ‘B’ (the bride) and ‘A'(the friend who was to come over to my place).

A little history here. ‘B’ and ‘A’ have been friends since 2nd year of college. ‘A’ and I have been friends since 1st year of college, although I never feel her being my best friend or anything and she would always take money and help from me and then not return anything. I’ve never found her friendship to be honest and full, maybe I wasn’t honest and full friend too. Anyways, we managed to be friends because ‘S’ was with us both and she was more close to ‘A’ and me to ‘S’. Then in 3rd year me and ‘S’ split due to her boyfriend and him agitating our differences and then I moved into a place with me, ‘A’ and one more girl. We became friends then, but still not so much. Then in final year I was living alone and she wanted a sharing space, so she moved in and then also we were not so close, coz she’s so interfering and opinionated and hypocrite. Anyways, so ‘B’ would come to our place and then we would all go to college together, hitchhiking or her car and lot of times we wouldn’t go at all. ‘B’ would come and slip into the quilt and sleep and then we would wake up, go for tea and breakfast, then come back and get ready, then go roaming around, and she would leave for her place in the evening. This was our routine for almost 1 year. Then it seemed like nothing, but now seems like so much fun.

Now coming back to the wedding.  We went for the mehndi and ‘A’ was adamant that we will not stay at ‘B’s place, because she was not well and she was saying she will be uncomfortable there with so many family people around. Finally we could not go back to my place coz ‘B’ didn’t let us and also there was no one to drop us. So we stayed at her place and then went back home the next afternoon. The next day was her engagement and we(me and A) went to the parlor and got our hair straightened and came back home and got dressed and got very late. We were almost 2 hours late and thank god the event was just 5 min from my place. We reached and saw the event, my mom and sis also came. It was fun Her ring was beautiful, so many big diamonds. Great! 🙂 The we went back home at around 1am and dozed off. We were to reach her place the next day early morning for the ‘chooda ceramony’, where the girl is given sets of red bangles from her uncle (mom’s brother) and she has to wear them for minimum next 40 days after her marriage, girls wear it till 1 year also. But we were sleeping and all so we missed that and woke up late and then packed our stuff and reached her place around 4pm. We all left for the hotel where she was to be wed. The next 5 hours was her make-up and hair and all and she looked gorgeous and we also got ready. I wore a lehnga and looked good and different, coz all others were clad in sarees. 🙂 The next was her garlands ceremony and then all the party continued. We left for her home around 3am and reached home and chit-chatted for another hour and dozed off. We woke up after another 5 hours and started getting ready for the last wedding ceremony. This was to take place in the temple and we wore slawars uits. The ceremony started and her parents started crying and she was also crying and we cried a little too. Then we cam back to her home for the ‘bidai ceremony’, where the girl is finally sent away to her husband and in-laws, so she finally leaves her home. This is very emotional and sad. B was crying a lot and her parents also, we cried a lot too and then she left. We left her place after another hour or so and then back home. A left to her place directly. I came home and my award from office that is my microwave was home . 🙂 I cooked maggie in it and ate it. yumm!

Then office today. Little boring and even though I hae work with today’s deadline I’m not feeling like doing it. Thank god tomorrow is holiday – our Republic Day. Will be home and go shopping. hopefully.

Got my guitar class today, but will cancel it, I have touched my guitar since last week.

The day after tomorrow I will start with gym. sure.

yesterday at home I was taking to this friend from college, he knows B and A also. I was telling him that it seems like everyone is moving and I am still here. Like my life is stuck here in this web and nothing’s happening. I don’t want to get married or anything, but I want to move to a better phase in life.

Howmuch ever i ignore my inner voice, but its in my blood that this isn’t the thing for me. I need to be somewhere else.  God help me! tell me how! show me a way. please! please! listen to me! please!

The Wedding: Part 1

My weekend was a total blast and I has such a good time. As I had told you’al I was tobe attending my friend’s (twin) sister’s wedding this weekend and so I did. Details? Sure… 🙂

So the entire schedule was starting with mehndi, which we did not attend, as it’s mostly close relative or friend’s and we’re not so close to my friend’s sister. For those who don’t know what’mehndi function’ is, this is a custom where the bride’s palms and feet are decorated with a temporary coloring material, it’s called menhdi. This is like a very traditional design patterns are drawn and then it is left to dry out, which makes the color become dark. There’ this saying that the darker the color comes out, the more your husband will love you. There is also another very good custom that within the design pattern the groom’s name is also drawn and hidden in broken pieces, so its like a game the couple can play at the wedding night, to find his name on her palms. Actually, its more of a teasing game as the bride can keep him waiting till he finds the name. 🙂 Fun na! This is usually a ladies event, the bride and other women also get mehndi and the women are signing traditional songs with dholak , but nowadays the men also enjoy it as much and join in, although they don’t get mehndi done. 🙂

The second event was the engagement ceremony, which we again did not attend. But I got to see the rock on the brides finger and oh my god! its beautiful. It was like a band covered with small diamonds and a big solitaire in the middle. Amazing!! I mean if you have gifts like this who wouldn’t love to get married. 🙂 Or it atleast blurs out the aftereffects of a marriage for sometime. lol!

The third event was the ‘Baraat’. Finally we did attend. This is ceremony where the groom and his family arrive to take away the bride. The groom is on horseback, female horse only, don’t know why though, and there is a moving music band before it and the entire groom’s family dances like crazy to the music. They enter this way from the hotel enterance to the  hall enterance. Then they are welcomed by the bride’s family with flower garlands and some money/gifts for the grooms family. Before the groom enters there is another custom, that the tobe sister-in-laws will stop the groom from entering. He has to give her whatever she asks for, money/gift whatever, so in a way he has to bribe the sister-in-laws to meet his bride. Fun thing, especially when you’re friends of the sister-in-law. We asked for 5lakh and got five thousand only. Then he enters, the bride comes to him, dressed in traditional wear, they both sit on a stage and all the guests keep coming to bless the to-be-couple and get their pictures clicked. There’s also drinks and dinner for all. So it’s all a good party, except for the couple, coz they don’t move around and have to sit there on the stage and get all the blessing. But its fu for them also, they keep chit chatting in whispers and stealing loving glances at each other. Awwww! We were supposed to leave for home in the morning but my friend didn’t let us, so we attended two functions (celebration events) in the same dress, which was a peach colored saree and I was looking good but plump.

Then the groom does not take the bride but instead she returns home, because they are not married yet. The next morning is the marriage in real terms. Both families reach the gurudwara (a temple) and here the ceremony of binding them together in the matrimony in god’s presence is done. It’s all very emotional and even though I am not so close to the bride, I cried 2 times. It’s all a matter of letting go. The bride also cried a lot. After they were announced married, we headed back to the bride’s place, because in real terms that is where she needs to leave forever. The groom is also there and all the guests as well. We had to run around to make sure everyone is getting attended to and then the bride leaving the house ceremony began. Her parent’s and family were all crying and we cried too. She finally left and we came back inside. 

Then I realized that it was Sunday already and next day was office. I left for home and then again my friend and her fiance pulled me along for their meeting, coz they weren’t allowed to meet alone. 🙂

Over all, very good time. All this will be reapeated over this week again, for my friend’s wedding, and I am still to buy a saree to wear. Maybe will go today after work.

Here again..

I’ve been keeping away from my free-mind-space for a while now, and it’s not like I’ve been intending it to be this way, just so happened that nothing much has being going on that I could put words up for, or let’s say that nothing I found worthy has happened. And yet, I will take you through a sneak-peak to the worthless last few weeks (in no particular order).

So our CEO was to arrive and there was a small event put up for this welcome. I decided to participate and was taken up in the dance group. (I just stopped here and went back to check if I had already said this before, and yes I had. So thank god I’m not repeating stuff!). So the entire week we had the practices at this studio of the choreographer who was asked to help us out,but I think her studio ws the most helpful rather than her dance. 🙂  Anyhow, I knew only one person from the group of 12 people. So, it was bit awkward int he beginning, but soon we all got lot of dance and fun done. I used to reach office , work for 2 hours (actually 30 min, 1 and half hours to settle in, read mails) and then head for the dance session and then come back after 3 hours, then work for 3-4 hours and leave for home. Also, I was visiting the other office, not where I work from, so it was a good change. Some fun. We had the performance on Jan5 and ours was by far the best dance. 🙂 The next day was work, which was so bugging. The next few days I spent sharing videos and pics with whatsoever people I know. So okay.

Now comes the weekend. Saturday was a sick day with a sick me. I slept past noon and when I woke up I had this stomach ache. Really pinching type, like someone’s pricking you with needles on the inside of my fat rolls (yes they are there now). Hell! I think it was something like gastric or something, and I didn’t have it in me to go to the doctor, so I took the whatever home remedy mom gave and slip back into the quilt. Btw, my god its been cold here, deadly. I woke up again when it was dark and then stuck to my guitar and kept myself happy with the strumming. These stomach ache things have been happening on noticeable frequency and mostly weekends. Crap! I’ve not even crossed 25. hmmph! But I think it’s because of my spoilt eating habits. I hardly eat good food anymore. Breakfast is a good mayonnaise sandwich and lunch is again crappy food from the cafeteria, evening I reach home with a feeling that I need something to feel better and then its some munching with some junk food and even if I’m full, I take dinner. ?? It’s like my health sense has died or hibernates.

Sunday, has plans to meet a friend, but he lives a little far, so I asked him if he could drop me and sis home after we I asked if he could drop me and sis after we meet and he goes like ‘ahhh.. let me see’. Seriously! what’s with boys these days? I mean if you become little sweet without any of your selfish interest would it KILL YOU? I’m sick of such selfish people. I mean if I had a car and could come and go then I would, but I don’t so I’m asking you, so have some curtsy, even if you have no interest in me and we’re only friends, wold it kill if you could be helpful. I could slap someone right now (only guys).

Anyways, so he was like ‘aah.. let me call you back’. Then he messaged that ‘Can’t make it, something imp has come up’. OK. GO TO HELL! So spent sunday also at home, oiled my hair, slept off.

Guys don’t pay attention/curtsy if you’re only friends and there is no scope/interest of anything else happening. Have you seen guys behaving like this? or is it only with me.

Monday, I woke up with some stomach ache type thing. Weird. I was in no mood to go to office and I knew there wasn’t anything important either, so I took an unplanned leave. And the stomach ache kept starting up and go down. Played the guitar, watched TV. Nothing else. In the evening just before my Guitar class, my manager calls and tells me to get online and get this problem resolved with the business  and the first time I faced the side effect of carrying office laptop. I got the work done while learning guitar and hated that. So divided attention and all. But learnt a new song from the now very hit movie ‘ Give me some sunshine, give me some rain, give me another chance I wana grow up once again’. Really good movie and nice song. I’m still not fluent on it, so practicing.

Came back to work on Tuesday and back to my old office space. Few more videos and pictures sharing. Boring, boring! was ringing in my head and I decided to go to the other place on Thursday (that was yesterday). 

Yesterday, I went there and this guy from the dance group kept bugging me as when I’ll meet him. I kept avoiding.

I had called ‘A’ as his office was just behind my building, and had told him to make some plan, which he was not so excited about. Well, what can I say, he’s grown up, atleast that’s the excuse he uses. It’s so sad, we used tobe good friends once, we still are, but now he’s moved to a more serious type of person and more mature, he doesn’t enjoy clubbing and he doesn’t make effort to meet. It’s sad. But beyond that I can’t do anything. Even yesterday it was so sad, so changed. He wasn’t like my friend. Maybe its in my head, but I’ve lost the person who would understand what I said and share them. I miss him. 😦 He finds my talks kiddish and not mature. I agree, but we were able to talk about so much earlier and now we drove 40 minutes without talking anything significant (to either of us). Hmpp! Also, another thought came to my mind while we were driving, that what if last when all that happened between us would have actually taken a meaning? How would it be if we were together? Was it even possible? and then I knew the answer, NO it wasn’t possible, 🙂 But somehow being back with him felt little good also (apart from the sadness), him driving, me talking and irritating him. Reminded me of so much. Good Ol’ days!!

We drove around and then picked up sis and then went to a good open cafe and froze up and had hot coffee and ate and then some delicious desert. We moved and then sis wanted to booze so we picked up some white rum for the car and drank while driving slowly around lonely roads. Please don’t complain, it was all safe and all. Reached home around 11pm and then was awake until A reached his place and then slept off.

Today, woke up early and in office. I don’t feel like working at all and have been doing other things since morning, except work. 🙂 Feeling exhausted, don’t know why though. Thank god its weekend tomorrow.

Weekend plans are also something in vision. My college friend’s twin sisters wedding tomorrow, so will be going there, haven’t even picked out what to wear. Then next weekend is her wedding, so need to buy a saree for that event and also but a gift for her, this weekend. So ya, I think I’ll be busy. And yes, another college friend will be coming over to stay at  my place, this weekend and next weekend also, coz she lives far away and my place is much closer to the event and all. I don’t really like her too much, but its ok.

Whatever!

Where did my weekend go??

Okay, so the bucket list was not even taken a second glance at and the weekend went away in much of a rush, but all fun.

Saturday –

My office pal ‘R’, who stays close by my place and we share the office cab everyday, she came to my place early in the morning, like 11:30am-12:00pm something and that was so early, considering I slept at 3 am (reme’br d last post). She had come with her mom and my mom and her mom got talking and we were chit-chatting, then we ordered food and all had lunch. All wrapped up till 4pm. She had plans to meet some old friend of hers, who was getting along a friend who was visiting from USA, so she asked me and I was like lets see. Then I asked ‘A’ if his office party would be any good or not, else I would accompany ‘R’ (being a little selfish here) and finally I decided I definitely need to meet some new people. So we got ready and all then met up again, left for market place where we were to meet them. While we were waiting for R’s friend to come, there was this guy standing there and looking at me. He lind of was staring like admiring type, but I didn’t pay much heed coz obviously stranger. After a few minutes, R’s friend turns up with this girl (who was supposedly his cousin’s friend) and then the staring guy comes up to join, and he’s the ‘Mr. US return’ (quite a long name I know. can’t think of anythn else). Anyways, he was Ok. he was fair, about 5’7.5″, average features, average dressing, shoes were bad,, some woodland type and yes,  he’s also on the way to a shiny bright bald crown. But still he seemed ok. Then we went roaming around to this local flea market and I was upset by the choice of place, but then it was like friends meeting up, so I didn’t say much.  Then I suggested we go for drinks and then we had to walk a hell lot. Btw did I mention I was looking very nice. 🙂 I just took bath and washed & had blow dry my hair (they look the best dat way) and then I was wearing blue slim fit jeans (but not sticky can’t breathe in type) that ended at just below my ankle and showed off my newest gladiator heels, that I had bought sometime back, then a black woollen buttoned top that has puffed and rouched(how do u spell it) quarter sleeves,  over this I wore a nice bright but not shocking Blue coat. Yes, blue! and I can carry it very well. Some simple make up and I felt like gossip girl, ready to step onto Manhattan streets. 🙂   back to hell of walking around and then finally coming to a place where we sat at a lounge and had couple of drinks. The guys were quarrelling over who’s taking the cheques in funny way, which was very annoying but we totally ignored as we didn’t care much as long as they’re not looking at our faces for it. I even suggested to ‘mr. USA return’ that let me know the pool in amount and he’s like ‘No, I’ll take care of it’. One point there. 🙂 Now this guy works in the same field as mine and was back home after 3 years and his parents had all girls lined up for him to see and fix up his marriage. lol! he met someone before he came with us and he was telling how it was. Funny! I was taking to him and in between hush  shush we got , R told me that he really like me and that he would want to consider me for marriage. hahaha. can u believe it!! marriage! one time meet. Anyways, what he probably meant was that if I was looking or something and if I was interested then probably we could take that way and see if it works, but I you know na.. marriage is soo not on my cards and even otherwise i don’t think so. I deserve better. He was okay though. Now I won’t talk about R’s friend and his friend coz they were super boring and R’s friend still was a little funny, but his friend was such a mood spoiler and she was in some complex or something, staring at me and ‘Mr. USA return’/ lol! So then we had dinner and then R was on the cell and me and him were talking most of the time and then R’s friend went to drop the gal home and me and  him were again chatting and it was good. He was not very interesting but yes ok. He did mention he’s going sky diving when he return so ‘1 point’ there.

Then I suggested we go to a club, coz out on Saturday and going home after dinner seemed little unfinished and boring. We went to an ok place coz we were not dressed for clubbing and then we danced and stuff. After some time of dancing this ‘Mr. USA return’ started getting close and all, I mean he tried to and I backed away. What is wrong with boys?? I mean here I was thinking he’s a decent guy and then he behaves like an ass. Anyways I lost any respect for him and then he was also little off type. We danced for some more time and left. Btw spotted such a cute guy there, so wanted to talk to him, but just didn’t happen.

We reached home at 3am and then chatted a while and dozed off. R told me that the guy was very interested in me. 🙂  Wat? you like to hear these things. But he’s not the one for me, so maybe we’ll be good friends, which guys don’t understand, but whatever.

Sunday –

My ol pal ‘Bh’ came home. We’ve been friends since my first job and I am her first fren in Delhi as she doesn’t belong here. She’s married and doesn’t look it at all. She so slim and I am ashamed now. Anyways we met and then went shopping with sis and then came back home, her hubby came to pick her but we insisted she stay and then chatted till 4 am. You won’t believe, but the moment we met till the time we slept we were rolling on our stomachs all the time. God! our jaws were aching man.

I had decided to go to office late and so we were up for so long. Went late to office and then came back early and worked from home and then the guitar lesson. Btw almost one song ready. 🙂 should be able to play atleast 1 song properly in next two weeks practice. 🙂 yay!!

Will be going to office late again tomorrow as one of my colleagues marriage thing is there, so will go there after office.That’s why I’m up so late again. 🙂

P.S: ‘Mr.USA return’ jus found me on fb. I accepted and sis saw his pics and is all like ‘he’s soo good. are you an idiot?’ But I mean he’s here for marriage! I’ll meet him, but only as friends and probably will enjoy all the attention. 🙂

Sore me

I have been PMSing since day before yesterday night and let me tell you it’s not a very pleasant thing (atleast not in the cold winters).

The night it started,  I kept tossing and turning entire night, there was this weird sensation in my stomach abdomen that something was happening down there. I was wearing a tee, huge woollen pullover, and socks and tucked inside 2 layers of blanket, actually one is double layered so 3 layers of blanket and yet my body was cold and uncomfortable. I woke up at 5:45 am and decided I was finally in no state to go to the office, so messaged my colleague and went back to sleep. Then got some rest and sleep, until I woke up.

When I woke up yesterday, my body felt like it was swollen (wasn’t looking swollen though, except my stomach) and it felt sore, sore like you visit the gym after months and then overdo everything cardio, weight, all and then your muscles are on the verge on getting ruptured, that kinda sore. I woke up around 12:30pm and didn’t move out of the blanket until 3pm, ate something and finally had the energy, mind to think of even moving my body, before that it was not even a thinkable thing to do. I couldn’t move, just couldn’t, or maybe of I had to then I would have to pick and place each of my body part one step ahead separately and that too using someone else’s hands, so then I would have to ask someone to pick my stomach and move it just above where my left foot had been picked and placed and henceforth. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, but it surely felt that way, and feeling is as bad as real, so!

After I  finally moved my ass, I was on the internet, checked my blog, others blogs and that was all that could hold my interest there. I was so uncomfortable, sitting, standing, moving.  The soreness was the hurting soreness, just the muscles are all lethargic and any movement might lead to rupture/collapse, something like there’s something weird happening inside you and its s uncomfortable, bloated, swollen, sore feeling. Then I moved to the guitar, that was good, although couldn’t keep myself on it for long, I guess just 30-40 min.

Btw I’m just on the basics with my lessons with my tutor, but for self motivation, I googled the easiest songs to play on guitar and then got this learning lesson on you tube for ‘Knocking on Heaven’s Door’ Bob Dylan version and I’ve been practicing it for 2 days. I am not good at it and specially with moving between chords, that timing is out-of-place, also the C chord is giving me a hard time, my fingers havent adjusted to being moving in different directions and applying pressure at the same time yet, I’m always pressing the not to be pressed keys and what happens is I get the sound correct once and next strum sound like banjo. 🙂 But I will my learn this, I love it, I love to hear people play and the sound of that hollow wood and strings, Mmmm. When I think of it, it’s almost like thinking of your favourite chocolate dessert.. Mmnmmm~ 🙂 You know there are certain things that make you feel like if they were eatable then you would gulp down ever bit of it, like I feel that for the smell of wood polish, and guitar. Does that happen to you too? 

This turned to a happy note huh! Anyways coming back to yesterday, its making me feel sore just mentioning it, you might think that i shouldn’t think/write about it if that’s the case, but I want to write it out, those rollercoaster feelings and weird stuff, I want it all worded. Why I don’t know either. Anyways, so after the sometime with guitar, I moved to mom’s room (where the computer is) and sat on the bed (I know lame details, please read it’ll add up) and couldn’t find myself a comfy,  to-be-warmed spot on the bed. I put some pillows on the wall and then leaned on them, covered myself with quilt and started reading this book ‘Anil’s Ghost’ that has been pending and half read for what seems ages (almost 3 months), but I couldn’t make it my spot. Let me explain. My bum wouldn’t warm the place, my bum wouldn’t feel fit and sunk in, my back wasn’t relaxed or easy and I constantly wanted to change, move in the spot trying to make it comfy, but that wouldn’t happen. Aaagrrh!

I always curse the male species when I’m PMSing, always! But yesterday I didn’t. Usually its something like- Why can’t boys have all this stuff in their bodies? periods – us, babies – us, everything painful comes to us and all they do is think about sex and have fun. Crap! I swear they should be something done so that they should start having babies. Why do we have to go through this? Why not them? I hate this. Jerks! Bloody one minded assholes! But yesterday I didn’t, not even once.

So then after the attempt to read a few pages, I closed it, no spot, no comfort, so warm ass, no point. I slid into the quilt and slept for 2 hours. When I woke up and then the usual TV and drama series were on and mom was glued to it like a bee. I don’t enjoy them much, but then the drama is good, especially with all the new reality series catching fire here and all the channels trying too hard to get TRPs and making shows on weirdest of ideas. It’s funny. One really funny one comes on Channel V, its called ‘Dare to Date’, it so funny. People are brought together for Blind dates and then after the date they are asked if they would like to go on a second date with that person. I haven’t seen a single couple say yes to this question. 🙂 Yesterday, I caught a glimpse of it and the guy was so cute, calling himself Mr.Delhi or something. but really pretty-clean-i-woul-make-a-pretty-girl type cute. Poor guy, he  was stuck with some dumb girl,maybe he was dumb too, dunno, didn’t see much. Another show that is fun is ‘Lux Perfect Bride’, where you need to choose a partner for yourself from a bunch of girls and guys, and they have meeting and everything ot know each other better, but now the show is close to end so there are 2 couples that are already sure of their choices and one lame couple who have no bonding but still holding onto the show in some hope of a magical moment, so now much on the show is about their parents fighting and all. Oh yes, the mother-in-laws are also part of the show and live with the girls to observe and select, so now the girls moms have also arrived and they are all fighting. 🙂 It’s actually a bit of the ugly truth about the arranged marriages and unreasonable expectations that are attached to 2 people marrying. Everybody wants their piece.

Later sis came home soon and then we were chit chatting. It was good. I took a late bath around 11:30pm coz I didn’t want to take it in the morning i.e 5:45 am. Then we all were again chit chatting until 1:30 am and finally decided to call it a day. I slept ok I guess, but woke up in next 5 hours (at 6 am), so it was ok.

Right now, I’m feeling bloated like a balloon, my stomach is a visible proof of it  and I have a fast today. Don’t know if I should keep it though, but if I can’t tolerate it and it gets bad then will eat. But then again, who decided what is bad enough to break the fast? me ? how? we’ll see, some grumbling noises can be heard already..

Btw I just noticed, my titles are not-so-good na? What do you think?  and yes, How’ve you been doing? 

P.S:  Haven’t spoken to New Guy since last fight thing, intentionally and effortlessly. It’s ok.