Category Archives: weddings

Here again..

I’ve been keeping away from my free-mind-space for a while now, and it’s not like I’ve been intending it to be this way, just so happened that nothing much has being going on that I could put words up for, or let’s say that nothing I found worthy has happened. And yet, I will take you through a sneak-peak to the worthless last few weeks (in no particular order).

So our CEO was to arrive and there was a small event put up for this welcome. I decided to participate and was taken up in the dance group. (I just stopped here and went back to check if I had already said this before, and yes I had. So thank god I’m not repeating stuff!). So the entire week we had the practices at this studio of the choreographer who was asked to help us out,but I think her studio ws the most helpful rather than her dance. 🙂  Anyhow, I knew only one person from the group of 12 people. So, it was bit awkward int he beginning, but soon we all got lot of dance and fun done. I used to reach office , work for 2 hours (actually 30 min, 1 and half hours to settle in, read mails) and then head for the dance session and then come back after 3 hours, then work for 3-4 hours and leave for home. Also, I was visiting the other office, not where I work from, so it was a good change. Some fun. We had the performance on Jan5 and ours was by far the best dance. 🙂 The next day was work, which was so bugging. The next few days I spent sharing videos and pics with whatsoever people I know. So okay.

Now comes the weekend. Saturday was a sick day with a sick me. I slept past noon and when I woke up I had this stomach ache. Really pinching type, like someone’s pricking you with needles on the inside of my fat rolls (yes they are there now). Hell! I think it was something like gastric or something, and I didn’t have it in me to go to the doctor, so I took the whatever home remedy mom gave and slip back into the quilt. Btw, my god its been cold here, deadly. I woke up again when it was dark and then stuck to my guitar and kept myself happy with the strumming. These stomach ache things have been happening on noticeable frequency and mostly weekends. Crap! I’ve not even crossed 25. hmmph! But I think it’s because of my spoilt eating habits. I hardly eat good food anymore. Breakfast is a good mayonnaise sandwich and lunch is again crappy food from the cafeteria, evening I reach home with a feeling that I need something to feel better and then its some munching with some junk food and even if I’m full, I take dinner. ?? It’s like my health sense has died or hibernates.

Sunday, has plans to meet a friend, but he lives a little far, so I asked him if he could drop me and sis home after we I asked if he could drop me and sis after we meet and he goes like ‘ahhh.. let me see’. Seriously! what’s with boys these days? I mean if you become little sweet without any of your selfish interest would it KILL YOU? I’m sick of such selfish people. I mean if I had a car and could come and go then I would, but I don’t so I’m asking you, so have some curtsy, even if you have no interest in me and we’re only friends, wold it kill if you could be helpful. I could slap someone right now (only guys).

Anyways, so he was like ‘aah.. let me call you back’. Then he messaged that ‘Can’t make it, something imp has come up’. OK. GO TO HELL! So spent sunday also at home, oiled my hair, slept off.

Guys don’t pay attention/curtsy if you’re only friends and there is no scope/interest of anything else happening. Have you seen guys behaving like this? or is it only with me.

Monday, I woke up with some stomach ache type thing. Weird. I was in no mood to go to office and I knew there wasn’t anything important either, so I took an unplanned leave. And the stomach ache kept starting up and go down. Played the guitar, watched TV. Nothing else. In the evening just before my Guitar class, my manager calls and tells me to get online and get this problem resolved with the business  and the first time I faced the side effect of carrying office laptop. I got the work done while learning guitar and hated that. So divided attention and all. But learnt a new song from the now very hit movie ‘ Give me some sunshine, give me some rain, give me another chance I wana grow up once again’. Really good movie and nice song. I’m still not fluent on it, so practicing.

Came back to work on Tuesday and back to my old office space. Few more videos and pictures sharing. Boring, boring! was ringing in my head and I decided to go to the other place on Thursday (that was yesterday). 

Yesterday, I went there and this guy from the dance group kept bugging me as when I’ll meet him. I kept avoiding.

I had called ‘A’ as his office was just behind my building, and had told him to make some plan, which he was not so excited about. Well, what can I say, he’s grown up, atleast that’s the excuse he uses. It’s so sad, we used tobe good friends once, we still are, but now he’s moved to a more serious type of person and more mature, he doesn’t enjoy clubbing and he doesn’t make effort to meet. It’s sad. But beyond that I can’t do anything. Even yesterday it was so sad, so changed. He wasn’t like my friend. Maybe its in my head, but I’ve lost the person who would understand what I said and share them. I miss him. 😦 He finds my talks kiddish and not mature. I agree, but we were able to talk about so much earlier and now we drove 40 minutes without talking anything significant (to either of us). Hmpp! Also, another thought came to my mind while we were driving, that what if last when all that happened between us would have actually taken a meaning? How would it be if we were together? Was it even possible? and then I knew the answer, NO it wasn’t possible, 🙂 But somehow being back with him felt little good also (apart from the sadness), him driving, me talking and irritating him. Reminded me of so much. Good Ol’ days!!

We drove around and then picked up sis and then went to a good open cafe and froze up and had hot coffee and ate and then some delicious desert. We moved and then sis wanted to booze so we picked up some white rum for the car and drank while driving slowly around lonely roads. Please don’t complain, it was all safe and all. Reached home around 11pm and then was awake until A reached his place and then slept off.

Today, woke up early and in office. I don’t feel like working at all and have been doing other things since morning, except work. 🙂 Feeling exhausted, don’t know why though. Thank god its weekend tomorrow.

Weekend plans are also something in vision. My college friend’s twin sisters wedding tomorrow, so will be going there, haven’t even picked out what to wear. Then next weekend is her wedding, so need to buy a saree for that event and also but a gift for her, this weekend. So ya, I think I’ll be busy. And yes, another college friend will be coming over to stay at  my place, this weekend and next weekend also, coz she lives far away and my place is much closer to the event and all. I don’t really like her too much, but its ok.

Whatever!

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Where did my weekend go??

Okay, so the bucket list was not even taken a second glance at and the weekend went away in much of a rush, but all fun.

Saturday –

My office pal ‘R’, who stays close by my place and we share the office cab everyday, she came to my place early in the morning, like 11:30am-12:00pm something and that was so early, considering I slept at 3 am (reme’br d last post). She had come with her mom and my mom and her mom got talking and we were chit-chatting, then we ordered food and all had lunch. All wrapped up till 4pm. She had plans to meet some old friend of hers, who was getting along a friend who was visiting from USA, so she asked me and I was like lets see. Then I asked ‘A’ if his office party would be any good or not, else I would accompany ‘R’ (being a little selfish here) and finally I decided I definitely need to meet some new people. So we got ready and all then met up again, left for market place where we were to meet them. While we were waiting for R’s friend to come, there was this guy standing there and looking at me. He lind of was staring like admiring type, but I didn’t pay much heed coz obviously stranger. After a few minutes, R’s friend turns up with this girl (who was supposedly his cousin’s friend) and then the staring guy comes up to join, and he’s the ‘Mr. US return’ (quite a long name I know. can’t think of anythn else). Anyways, he was Ok. he was fair, about 5’7.5″, average features, average dressing, shoes were bad,, some woodland type and yes,  he’s also on the way to a shiny bright bald crown. But still he seemed ok. Then we went roaming around to this local flea market and I was upset by the choice of place, but then it was like friends meeting up, so I didn’t say much.  Then I suggested we go for drinks and then we had to walk a hell lot. Btw did I mention I was looking very nice. 🙂 I just took bath and washed & had blow dry my hair (they look the best dat way) and then I was wearing blue slim fit jeans (but not sticky can’t breathe in type) that ended at just below my ankle and showed off my newest gladiator heels, that I had bought sometime back, then a black woollen buttoned top that has puffed and rouched(how do u spell it) quarter sleeves,  over this I wore a nice bright but not shocking Blue coat. Yes, blue! and I can carry it very well. Some simple make up and I felt like gossip girl, ready to step onto Manhattan streets. 🙂   back to hell of walking around and then finally coming to a place where we sat at a lounge and had couple of drinks. The guys were quarrelling over who’s taking the cheques in funny way, which was very annoying but we totally ignored as we didn’t care much as long as they’re not looking at our faces for it. I even suggested to ‘mr. USA return’ that let me know the pool in amount and he’s like ‘No, I’ll take care of it’. One point there. 🙂 Now this guy works in the same field as mine and was back home after 3 years and his parents had all girls lined up for him to see and fix up his marriage. lol! he met someone before he came with us and he was telling how it was. Funny! I was taking to him and in between hush  shush we got , R told me that he really like me and that he would want to consider me for marriage. hahaha. can u believe it!! marriage! one time meet. Anyways, what he probably meant was that if I was looking or something and if I was interested then probably we could take that way and see if it works, but I you know na.. marriage is soo not on my cards and even otherwise i don’t think so. I deserve better. He was okay though. Now I won’t talk about R’s friend and his friend coz they were super boring and R’s friend still was a little funny, but his friend was such a mood spoiler and she was in some complex or something, staring at me and ‘Mr. USA return’/ lol! So then we had dinner and then R was on the cell and me and him were talking most of the time and then R’s friend went to drop the gal home and me and  him were again chatting and it was good. He was not very interesting but yes ok. He did mention he’s going sky diving when he return so ‘1 point’ there.

Then I suggested we go to a club, coz out on Saturday and going home after dinner seemed little unfinished and boring. We went to an ok place coz we were not dressed for clubbing and then we danced and stuff. After some time of dancing this ‘Mr. USA return’ started getting close and all, I mean he tried to and I backed away. What is wrong with boys?? I mean here I was thinking he’s a decent guy and then he behaves like an ass. Anyways I lost any respect for him and then he was also little off type. We danced for some more time and left. Btw spotted such a cute guy there, so wanted to talk to him, but just didn’t happen.

We reached home at 3am and then chatted a while and dozed off. R told me that the guy was very interested in me. 🙂  Wat? you like to hear these things. But he’s not the one for me, so maybe we’ll be good friends, which guys don’t understand, but whatever.

Sunday –

My ol pal ‘Bh’ came home. We’ve been friends since my first job and I am her first fren in Delhi as she doesn’t belong here. She’s married and doesn’t look it at all. She so slim and I am ashamed now. Anyways we met and then went shopping with sis and then came back home, her hubby came to pick her but we insisted she stay and then chatted till 4 am. You won’t believe, but the moment we met till the time we slept we were rolling on our stomachs all the time. God! our jaws were aching man.

I had decided to go to office late and so we were up for so long. Went late to office and then came back early and worked from home and then the guitar lesson. Btw almost one song ready. 🙂 should be able to play atleast 1 song properly in next two weeks practice. 🙂 yay!!

Will be going to office late again tomorrow as one of my colleagues marriage thing is there, so will go there after office.That’s why I’m up so late again. 🙂

P.S: ‘Mr.USA return’ jus found me on fb. I accepted and sis saw his pics and is all like ‘he’s soo good. are you an idiot?’ But I mean he’s here for marriage! I’ll meet him, but only as friends and probably will enjoy all the attention. 🙂

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Sore me

I have been PMSing since day before yesterday night and let me tell you it’s not a very pleasant thing (atleast not in the cold winters).

The night it started,  I kept tossing and turning entire night, there was this weird sensation in my stomach abdomen that something was happening down there. I was wearing a tee, huge woollen pullover, and socks and tucked inside 2 layers of blanket, actually one is double layered so 3 layers of blanket and yet my body was cold and uncomfortable. I woke up at 5:45 am and decided I was finally in no state to go to the office, so messaged my colleague and went back to sleep. Then got some rest and sleep, until I woke up.

When I woke up yesterday, my body felt like it was swollen (wasn’t looking swollen though, except my stomach) and it felt sore, sore like you visit the gym after months and then overdo everything cardio, weight, all and then your muscles are on the verge on getting ruptured, that kinda sore. I woke up around 12:30pm and didn’t move out of the blanket until 3pm, ate something and finally had the energy, mind to think of even moving my body, before that it was not even a thinkable thing to do. I couldn’t move, just couldn’t, or maybe of I had to then I would have to pick and place each of my body part one step ahead separately and that too using someone else’s hands, so then I would have to ask someone to pick my stomach and move it just above where my left foot had been picked and placed and henceforth. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, but it surely felt that way, and feeling is as bad as real, so!

After I  finally moved my ass, I was on the internet, checked my blog, others blogs and that was all that could hold my interest there. I was so uncomfortable, sitting, standing, moving.  The soreness was the hurting soreness, just the muscles are all lethargic and any movement might lead to rupture/collapse, something like there’s something weird happening inside you and its s uncomfortable, bloated, swollen, sore feeling. Then I moved to the guitar, that was good, although couldn’t keep myself on it for long, I guess just 30-40 min.

Btw I’m just on the basics with my lessons with my tutor, but for self motivation, I googled the easiest songs to play on guitar and then got this learning lesson on you tube for ‘Knocking on Heaven’s Door’ Bob Dylan version and I’ve been practicing it for 2 days. I am not good at it and specially with moving between chords, that timing is out-of-place, also the C chord is giving me a hard time, my fingers havent adjusted to being moving in different directions and applying pressure at the same time yet, I’m always pressing the not to be pressed keys and what happens is I get the sound correct once and next strum sound like banjo. 🙂 But I will my learn this, I love it, I love to hear people play and the sound of that hollow wood and strings, Mmmm. When I think of it, it’s almost like thinking of your favourite chocolate dessert.. Mmnmmm~ 🙂 You know there are certain things that make you feel like if they were eatable then you would gulp down ever bit of it, like I feel that for the smell of wood polish, and guitar. Does that happen to you too? 

This turned to a happy note huh! Anyways coming back to yesterday, its making me feel sore just mentioning it, you might think that i shouldn’t think/write about it if that’s the case, but I want to write it out, those rollercoaster feelings and weird stuff, I want it all worded. Why I don’t know either. Anyways, so after the sometime with guitar, I moved to mom’s room (where the computer is) and sat on the bed (I know lame details, please read it’ll add up) and couldn’t find myself a comfy,  to-be-warmed spot on the bed. I put some pillows on the wall and then leaned on them, covered myself with quilt and started reading this book ‘Anil’s Ghost’ that has been pending and half read for what seems ages (almost 3 months), but I couldn’t make it my spot. Let me explain. My bum wouldn’t warm the place, my bum wouldn’t feel fit and sunk in, my back wasn’t relaxed or easy and I constantly wanted to change, move in the spot trying to make it comfy, but that wouldn’t happen. Aaagrrh!

I always curse the male species when I’m PMSing, always! But yesterday I didn’t. Usually its something like- Why can’t boys have all this stuff in their bodies? periods – us, babies – us, everything painful comes to us and all they do is think about sex and have fun. Crap! I swear they should be something done so that they should start having babies. Why do we have to go through this? Why not them? I hate this. Jerks! Bloody one minded assholes! But yesterday I didn’t, not even once.

So then after the attempt to read a few pages, I closed it, no spot, no comfort, so warm ass, no point. I slid into the quilt and slept for 2 hours. When I woke up and then the usual TV and drama series were on and mom was glued to it like a bee. I don’t enjoy them much, but then the drama is good, especially with all the new reality series catching fire here and all the channels trying too hard to get TRPs and making shows on weirdest of ideas. It’s funny. One really funny one comes on Channel V, its called ‘Dare to Date’, it so funny. People are brought together for Blind dates and then after the date they are asked if they would like to go on a second date with that person. I haven’t seen a single couple say yes to this question. 🙂 Yesterday, I caught a glimpse of it and the guy was so cute, calling himself Mr.Delhi or something. but really pretty-clean-i-woul-make-a-pretty-girl type cute. Poor guy, he  was stuck with some dumb girl,maybe he was dumb too, dunno, didn’t see much. Another show that is fun is ‘Lux Perfect Bride’, where you need to choose a partner for yourself from a bunch of girls and guys, and they have meeting and everything ot know each other better, but now the show is close to end so there are 2 couples that are already sure of their choices and one lame couple who have no bonding but still holding onto the show in some hope of a magical moment, so now much on the show is about their parents fighting and all. Oh yes, the mother-in-laws are also part of the show and live with the girls to observe and select, so now the girls moms have also arrived and they are all fighting. 🙂 It’s actually a bit of the ugly truth about the arranged marriages and unreasonable expectations that are attached to 2 people marrying. Everybody wants their piece.

Later sis came home soon and then we were chit chatting. It was good. I took a late bath around 11:30pm coz I didn’t want to take it in the morning i.e 5:45 am. Then we all were again chit chatting until 1:30 am and finally decided to call it a day. I slept ok I guess, but woke up in next 5 hours (at 6 am), so it was ok.

Right now, I’m feeling bloated like a balloon, my stomach is a visible proof of it  and I have a fast today. Don’t know if I should keep it though, but if I can’t tolerate it and it gets bad then will eat. But then again, who decided what is bad enough to break the fast? me ? how? we’ll see, some grumbling noises can be heard already..

Btw I just noticed, my titles are not-so-good na? What do you think?  and yes, How’ve you been doing? 

P.S:  Haven’t spoken to New Guy since last fight thing, intentionally and effortlessly. It’s ok.

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Life Updates…

I haven’t been talking about what’s been happening recently for a while. So, here’s all that has been going on.

Okay, last that I remember was a big time venting and full of ranting post on how the hell I hated New Guy and was going not going to get manipulated into his ways. So that story ended by me telling him that we can only be friends and no way is this even getting anywhere. As expected he was all no-no and not agreeing but I was adamant. I was very clear about it all and then he had no option. lol! I stopped the late night talks and early morning calls. I was still speaking to him few times in the day, but he was all boohoo and sent me a message saying that he was feeling deserted. Ya right!! I wasn’t falling for the trap this time. yay! for that :). This is making me feel so sensible and grown up and less idiot! 🙂 Then I did speak to him late night for a few times(i think 3) last week and none of it was anywhere close to anything cozy, all friends stuff. Last night he did say that he was feeling something, but I totally put the logic into it all and made him believe it that it was only because he was relating it our earlier talks and it okay and with time he would get over it.

Today I had a fight with him, I think that’s what it was, atleast from my end. Now I was back from this crappy date, actually not even worth calling it a date (more on that below) and he was somewhere near my place with his brother(who’s getting married in 10 days) and I asked him if we can catch up for coffee. First he tells me that my bro is with me, so you decide. When I said ‘we could go for coffee, but I don’t know your brother so you ask him’, then he said ‘My brother is saying it’s too late and not decent to meet at this hour (9:30pm) and it would get late too’. WTF!! If you don’t want to come/ can’t come, then be a man and say so, you don’t put the other person feel like they have no sense of decency and no home and they are like street people who go anywhere with anyone. I would have slapped that guy if he was in front of me.  I told him to not teach me what decency is and got to hell (or something like that).

You know this thing that I was saying about expectations from others, see here it is, I expected him to consider that I’ve been taking all his crap and been so nice to him and should come atleast for sometime. And also his brother, New Guy and me keep talking about him a lot, all the wedding stuff and all, so I expected him to be at least friendly, but he’s teaching me what decency is. What do you think I am? I mean really? If you ask a friend for coffee when you’re not feeling very good or even just like that, then does it make you indecent?? Bloody idiotic and conservative and I don’t want to be rude but I don’t get it. The last message that I sent him was ‘plz don’t call or text me’. Loser! Being diplomatic/making me feel stupid when he doesn’t have the guts to make an effort/own up that he doesn’t want to make an effort. Is this what friends/dating type all night talking people are for? Get their entertainment/time / someone to listen to them and talk when they’re free, but when they need to make some effort, then we need to be decent. F*** Off!

 

Now the Crappy date whatever the hell it was..

I got talking to this guy I met on chat sometime on last Monday I think. He sounded ok and we were from the same community(doesn’t matter, just mentioning) and we chatted for sometime and shared pics and then he said he’s a pilot and working with Kingfisher Airlines and all good stuff and I’m new to Delhi. So I believed him and then we exchanged numbers and I accidently didn’t save his number (lol! :)) coz I was rushing for the guitar class (sounds so cool! yay! ). So he texted me the next day with his name, so I saved the number and replied him. We spoke on phone once and he was extremely humourous and telling his funny experiences, so it was okay, except he was all like too personal on questions and he’s like we should go for a drive and booz. ya sure! I was so taken aback that how can someone be so shameless and pathetic. Anyways I laughed away all that and said we would meet sometime later for coffee and he was in shock or something, as if I’ve asked him to sleep with me when we meet the first time or what, actually I think that wouldn’t have surprised him. Weirdo! Anyways, I was still thinking that its okay, let me give the guy a chance, at least meet him, you never know he’s actually good. What was I thinking? with my luck.. hmmph! So we spoke again on Friday and then he almost was after my life for meeting him anywhere but not coffee. strange na?? Very ya! I was all no-no. I said its only coffee or nothing! he agreed after much blah-blah-. He’s explanation was that coffee meets are too formal. what a jerk and horrible explanation??? To be honest I was curious and was hoping that he might be good (maybe the pilot thing was influencing!). So today evening I asked him what the plan, after much confusion and all we planned to meet near my place and there also happens to be a Cafe near by, so I told him to park his car and we can meet him, and then he started almost screaming that I don’t want to sit and have coffee. I told him to stop shouting and that I was coming. We met in his car and you won’t believe, he didn’t even look at me. And he was so not the person in the picture. He was totally different!! I got so freaked out! he was also almost 29-30 years old, whereas he told me 24. F***. I sat in the car, looked at him and said hi, and went cold. All I could think was please let me get back home safe today. shit man! imagine he lied about the pic, his age, god knows if he was married!! Hell! he definitely looked married! shit man! So he started driving and I was like where are we going? he didn’t seem at all new to the roads, he took onto this lane that is less busy and good for drive type.. eww!! and I was thinking god-help-me!!! Funny thing is he didn’t look at me also!! not even once, he was driving and looking in front and talking. strange uncle? that’s his name ‘strange uncle’. 🙂 hahaha. so he never looked at me. And he has this theory about all special friends he has, i made it very clear that we can only be friends, I think at that point I told him so that he wouldn’t try anything funny and which I will totally take back now. I am not at all going to have anything to do with strange-uncle. Then within 2 minutes of drive I said ‘its become quite late right’ (it was 8:35pm) and he said yes let me drop you home and took a U-turn. Thank god. but again strange!! He safely dropped me home and even funny he wouldn’t look at me while saying bye too!! haahhaa.. Psycho strange uncle!! thank you god I’m home safe!! seriously!! I was in shock! How can someone be such a liar? And I even confirmed his age with him, and he’s like I’m 23 will turn 24 now, liar, earlier he had told me 24, will turn 25. Liar!!  and I told him that he looked much older, like 29-30. hahaha… But seriously ya, fuck man!!It was so creepy!! I am still partly in shock.. and everyone at home is all giggle-giggle abou it.. lol! 🙂  I swear am never going to believe these people online until I check their orkut/fb . Seriously dude!! Creepy! freaky!! Now you see why I asked New Guy for coffee?? I needed to come back to reality, that was not so ugly! But I couldn’t tell him all this na!

Apart from the ridiculous boys stuff, last Friday I attended my college fren A’s engagement party. We did our college together and she was always borrowing money from me and never returning on time. I was more of a friend to her, but I never sort of trusted her like 200% .We also lived together in flats for 2 years. So ya we were close and knew much about each other, but then she has never been of much a friend in need to me and I was always that for her. and i’m totally ok with that too, sometimes you mean more to others than they mean to you. We have been living in the same city but haven’t met since a year (guilty)  but we talked and all. Now her family is all conservative and all, about same caste and early marriage of girls. She had her profile on some matrimony portal and this guy contacted her and she like the profile and earning and all and she felt it was more that she deserved. She was like he doesn’t look so good though. Now she didn’t meet the guy until 1 day before the engagement and she didn’t like him one bit. She called me and I tried to convince her that good looks and happiness are not related and all. But when I saw the guy, oh god! he looked like 10 years older to her and dark and fat and so not deserving. I was shocked, but she was upset so we(me and ‘B’) tried to make her feel its ok and all, make her laugh through the pics. It was terrible! She could have got an average looking guy also, but he was actually bad. I was so sorry for her. But hope there is something good in store and she finds happiness in life. She was going on saying about how she can say no anytime. don’t know what will happen there. Btw I wore a pink saree and looked gorgeous. 🙂 really! a little chubby, you know arms and tummy, but very pretty!! I love to say this and not cute. yay!!!

That’s been pretty much all. Somethings about work from past week too, but I’m too upset that it Monday again and can’t get myself to mention ‘work’ more than I already have, I feel I will start crying anytime. See the shock that idiotic creep has left. God! I’m so sensitive right now, even a mouse could make me shriek! I know its funny!!! 🙂 but true!

Quite a week! lol!!   

 PS: was listening to few sad songs and now have moved to little upbeat type. Sounds like I’m getting out of shock. lol!! 🙂 

 

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what I’m at right now..

Firstly sorry for the delay in posts…but please believe me work has been too much lately..too much.. n not that I feel obliged to blog.. but I like to post and when I don’t I feel I owe an apology to myself too, for not letting these thoughts out..and keeping my mind buzzing with them..

So, whats been going on?

Plenty of work! My senior was moved to a new project and then I am taking care of few important projects and there hasn’t been any transition or anything, but it seems like I’m doing much of what she did, but without any training. So what do you expect? yes, Im nervous and confused and also want to prove myself, but then the self-doubt creeps in and all gets confusing. I start questioning if i can or can’t and then feel like a 100 eyes are on me and what I do now will decide how my career takes shape from here on.

I really want it all to work out. I want someone to train me on all the tactics and do’s and don’t, how to handle situations, what decisions to take and then I will do all the right things and come out as shining star. But I know that everything cannot be found in guidebooks and experience teaches you these things, but I also don’t want to fail at attempting and get steps behind, instead of ahead.

What I find most difficult is to have 100% confidence on my decisions, coz I don’t have any reference to look at and say that this is right. I feel confused if this is right or not and then it shows.

I’ve been carrying the office laptop and after work at office, I even take up work at home and then yesterday I was on PTO, but landed up working entire day(except  for the relief of waking up late) and even carried the laptop to my friend (actually sis’s best friend’s ) engagement party, where it died when I was just about to send status mail and thank god it did, coz when I got back home I found some problems and then i finally sent out the status at 2:45am.  Today is off, but we have migrations so I will be working for 2 hours in evening. There is this other girl in my team, so after my senior left, we both are left with the work. Even earlier my senior never did any work only management, and now I have to do management and also work. I sometimes feel that I’m much better of a ‘do all the work’ than ‘manage all the work’. I mean I can do 10 things myself, but giving it to someone else and feeling relieved and sure that they would do it right is difficult, so I end up doing most of it myself. So this other girl ‘D’ in my team, I have been doing most of the work so that she is not blogged with too much and doesn’t get too overloaded. I know, that is not a good management trait, but then can’t help it.

Appraisal’s coming along in December. *fingers crossed*

Apart from work, after few days of restricted talking, I have resumed late night talks with New Guy. There was too much stuff around what we should restrict and how and all, so I said forget everything we’ll just see how it goes. I’ve stopped the morning calls though and that should be good, coz it was getting too much. With all this work havoc going on, it feels good to talk to someone who will listen and talk sweetly and you know. It’s like a stress relief thing. It takes your mind to a different place, even if for sometime only. don’t know how far I should take this, but one thing is for sure, neither of us have any feelings type stuff for each other. actually, we both are in such similar places in our lives, that we know how it is and we want the same things too, ok, he might be thinking a little ahead, but what the heck na.

That’s whats happening right now. Phew!!! good to get it all out!

Howz u???

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Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten

I love this track and have been listening to it over and over again since i downloaded it. I was watching ‘The Hills’ and noticed the soundtrack and traced it to get it. Did I mention I love soundtracks, from movies, series, cartoons.. They carry a certain feeling that you felt when you were listening to it in the background with all emotions that the movie/series had brought you into. Mostly I love the tracks that run in backdrop for of happy endings, lovers meeting and soft slow kisses scenes. So like girls huh! Well, ya! 🙂

Anyways, so my weekend was so much fun and relaxing. It was a good break I needed and the extended monday off gave me just that. Well if you ask me all the details then I don’t think I’m gonna pen everything but here are the highlights:

Friday   –    after office when to my Aunt’s place, it was my cousins birthday party and we had lot of fun. Later at night me and she got chit chatting till the wee hours and slept only when we couldn’t speak no more.

 

Saturday   –   Stayed at Aunt’s till afternoon and then came back home. Rested a while and chatted with New Guy and then left for office around 4:30pm. Left office at 8:30 pm and back home.

 

Sunday   –  Sunday woke up really late, close to afternoon and then went to GK with cousins and sis, bought cousin her b’day gift and then to the local flee market to pick something for myself for the DATE on monday with New Guy and bought something of sis’ choice but wasn’t comfortable it reflected who I am (not very sure of what that is either). She called it decent and flirty and I got nervous. Came back home and oiled my hair, put face bleach, tried the clothes and ate sis’ head over which shoes to wear. She said high heels but I was no-no and then later after much talk I tried them with the flirty top and they looked good. although I was nervous that I’ll look all gawky and weird walking in them which is funny coz I do wear heels on occasions (clubbing and marriages). Btw the CAPS coz i haven’t been on a date in like 4-5 years now. God! I know!

 

Monday   –   I got up late and started getting ready for the date. Washed my hair and to0k a long bath. Came out of shower and saw New Guys message that said ‘urgent! Call me’. I did call and got to know his friend’s mom had passed away and they were going to drop him at airport and all so it was but obvious cancelled date. I mean even if w could meet it would be the worst ever time right with thought of life and death hovering our mind space he wouldn’t even notice my flirty top. Anyways, I was feeling like I was giving this New Guy thing a lot more importance than actually I should, considering that I wasn’t even sure if I would like to date him after meeting him or just be friends and all the shopping made me feel bit weird and stupid. So I felt a little relived that it was cancelled. My nerves were too tensed to be casual and meet him. I relaxed the entire day and chilled at home. Even sis stayed back (lazy bum) even though it wasn’t her off.

 

Last night I spoke to New Guy for almost 2 hours and inspite of my resolution to hit the bed by 10pm, I was talking to him till 11:20pm. I did text him to call be before 10pm saying I had a super early day (true) and he called at 9:45 pm. He was feeling a little low and I got him talking and we chatted over stupid and silly stuff and some other stuff.

 

When I speak to him I loose track of time, really, we talk about so much and still there’s so much more to say. Now I’m not sure if this is happening because I’m speaking to someone totally new who knows  nothing about me, or because we bond well together. Well, see if I didn’t connect to him then I wouldn’t be able to talk much anyways right, but also I’ve been so stuck up with the same people for so long that talking so much feels new and exciting. I hope I’m not making much of this to my head and heart (well can’t help that, I’m charlotte remember? Imagination runs wild). So much so, I’m leaving things to when we meet and how I find him, coz do I have my head on my shoulders and know that it’s altogether a different thing to meet someone than talking on the phone.

 

Now, that’s another concern, see I like talking to him and everything but then just yesterday this thing came to my head that things will change after we meet. I don’t know for better or worse, but they certainly will. Now you might think that I’m an ass who hasn’t understood the way life works, it’s all about CHANGE. I know, but maybe this is my lowered confidence (mostly due to chubby body and no money to buy fancy clothes with perfect fit) but I’m a little worried/concerned/doubtful of how this nice equation I have with New Guy will change when I meet him. I’m so comfortable talking to him right now, but somehow these well settled people with their parents earnings and no burden of running the family and their won handsome salaries to spend on themselves, all this makes me feel like an outsider. I feel like I’ll be left behind if I walk with them and even worst will be making them feel ashamed to have me around. Maybe its only my insecurities talking. I hope. But then there’s nothing I can do to stop this change. 

We’ve planned on meeting on Friday and most probably I will be in my other office (in attempt to try avoiding giving the birthday treat to office people, coz I can’t afford spending 1-2 G on these useless people who don’t even know me at all and neither do I want them to. So maybe i’ll meet him after work as his office is also close by and that made me nervous and panick again coz then I’d have to dress for office and meeting New Guy at the same time. Now that’s not good, as it is I have less decent stuff and also the new flirty top won’t be useable as that is a complete office no -no. Let’s see how it goes.

I’m thinking much about this all right? Yeah! but then I think much about anything.. so .. it’s not much right?

Trying to keep up with everything and myself… you stay around too and I’ll tell ya everything… meanwhile this is just the beginning and the rest is still unwritten. Perfect match for my situation!   🙂

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My cousin’s wedding

My cousin is getting married on 24th Nov. We had the ring ceremony yesterday and i had a well planned leave to enjoy. Also met many cousin’s after long time and it was so much FUN!. My cousin who’s getting married, ‘G’ is the from our generation group and her marriage placed a flag that it has begun. The starting of weddings from our age grouped cousin’s.  Its an arranged marriage and the guy looks nice at heart, shy and simple type. He dosen’t look so good though and my cousin is really pretty, so ya that was a little not-perfect, but then a good heart is also not easy to be found, which i hope he is. I hope she finds love respect and all the happiness in the world.

It was such fun. All cousin’s together, chatting up, gossiping, leg pulling, pulling out embarrassing childhood memories of each other. It was amazing.  I wore a saree and got many compliments, rather 3-4 compliments again and again from the same persons. Maybe this was also because my elder sis has put on some extra fat. Else i am dead sure she would’ve stolen the show.

Nyways i enjoyed lots and didn’t feel like coming to office today, but ya I’m a responsible smart girl :)). Hoping to have a blast at the wedding and sangeet.

Cheers!

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