And this is what I’m exactly feeling right now..
I started my day very well, feeling light (thanks to the diet), and also quite positive about having a good day ahead, got dressed, was moving out of house towards cab, and then my landlady came and said if we were still staying this month or moving out. Well, I’m still standing here, so? I told her I’ll talk in the evening, and she says well in that case you’ll have to pay the increased rent. I didn’t answer and said I will talk in the evening, and toc ompletely spoil my mood she went 1 step ahead and started blabbering as I was moving away.
I could just pull out all her hair right now..damn she really pissed me off…
In the cab all I was thinking was about where will we get a new place so fast and how to avoid paying to the realtors and all this stuff.
I really don’t like this. I never want to grow up. I want to go back to being akid, playing being my nly happiness, sleeing wihtout any anxiety, food being just something that mom is always asking to finish, being carried around in dad’s arms, being pamapered and loved.
I don’t want to be this grown up, earning money, fighting food and hunger, having so many repsonsibilities, materialistic needs to make me happy, worried about being loved.
I wish I cuold just close my eyes and get back to being 2 years old again.
Well, I’m trying to cool myself and think positive, imagining that we’ve got a good place without havin to pay realtor and moved easily.
But still, when I reach back home, these things will be have to be dealt with. Maybe my running away from this until it becomes absolutely impossible to ignore, is what makes it so painful.
I will try to make it easy for myself. I will go back home and talk out calmly and then look for another place. And if those people don’t agree then I will NOT burn my blood over some mere 1500 rs, I’ve been putting too much effort on my health to let it all go away for those stupid and greedy people. I’ve read stress and anxiety make you put on kilos.
To relax and imagine is my target…
+ mom isnot well today, so it seems like I will be taking the ‘calling to find out available homes’ work from office, which makes me feel guilty/ not the right thing, but hey, I can’tkeep everything in separate areas right? this is all part of my life and at some point they will intersect each other and overlap.
Patience.. calm.. easy..
Also, at work, we have a produciton this weekend and my only teammate is pregnant and is on sick leave today. Well we have no spare time and i have to take some extra help from others, seems like the rest of the week will be packed up more than I would want.
Imagine the best is my target…