It is like you stand outside of your body and watch yourself living, speaking, working and sometimes doing nothing.
I have these phases( can’t think of a better word), when I am myself, but there is a slow, watching and observing me outside me. No matter how busy i am, no time to even drink water, but there is a part of me which is at peace, looking at me, trying to get what I am doing and more importantly why? These are learning times, a kind of realization time, very silent ones also. Maybe in some way rejuvenation of my soul, but i know i feel it and it feels very calm. Its a conscious watch and act type, its more of trying to make sense of everything around. I can hear my heartbeat, slow and steady, wit every rise and fall I am just there, looking at the ‘person I am’ and trying to understand ‘who I’m trying to become’, why? and why not?.
There’s another thing these phases bring along ‘Unattachment’, to everything and everyone. Its all about individualism then and reasons need to be found. I do things not for others, but what’s my desire behind is has to be found. These time bring me solitude as even I leave my self alone. I feel kind of empty and hollow.
Returning back of me doesn’t always has answers and reasons, but bring back some lost humanity and sensibility. It makes me conscious of my acts and their importance in my life. It makes me think again about who i want to be.