I would say its too too early to even mention, but its quite thrilling to me. Getting dressed nicely for work hasn’t been my focus in long time and now it makes me excited, not that I have rediscovered myself o anything but just you know, a little something new, a little more concious and a little smiley I am. 🙂
Now what I have got to thinking is, should I look ahead for a boyfriend / girlfriend relationship or just some casual fling?
It seems like I would know what one wants right? nah, not me.. I’m confused. So lets debate here and maybe at end of it I would know what I want.
1. Quite a lot of efforts, like meeting often, talking on phone, giving time to each other, gifts, traveling to meet and all.
Well I am open to most of it, only thing I sense is that being single for a long time has made me selfish in terms of how I want to spend my time, I keep my priorities at top always and surely in a relationship it would need to make changes in your routine according to other person.
2. Spending Money –
Its a know thing that guys take most of the expenses, but still I don’t like that always, with all that going out I would at some point want to share the expense and that means me shelling out money. Even thinking of it makes me guilty. This is for my family, how can I spend it away for fun sake. Will be difficult to come to terms with.
Also, going out often would mean shopping often, coz he’s kina smart dressed and I wouldn’t want to look not upto the mark.
3. Self worth – this is a bad one. I would probably be doing so much work to keep my self worth awake with him. Whether it be dieting, looking good, dressing well, whatever. I would feel always that he’s too good, better than me.
4. emotional involvment – raising expectations, hence fights , hence hurt.
Fling / Casual –
1. No obligation for time / meeting whenever other wants
We could fix a weekly thing or even cancel it wihtout any guilt or fights.
2. Less going out hence less money spent. however spending on self to keep up looking best would still be required.
3. Self Worth – since it would be casual there might be doubt that he may go with someone better than me and then without any emotional connect the chances of this may even be more.
4. Nothing emotional – to start with but maybe later feelings may come on one side, probably mine, and then hurt again. also it would feel wrong without any emotional conncection.
The result is: I can’t decide what I want it to be, I would just go with the flow and see how things go. Also you can’t decide regarding feelings with a debate. 🙂
Still..too early to say anything yet.