Need to please..

Whenever a romantic endevear comes in the farthest proximity to me, I have this tendency to try and please the other person. Its something I hadn’t even noticed before, but once when we were out clubbing and I saw this cute guy that I liked and my sister made a joke that now I would start dancing more aggresively. I was like ‘what does that mean?’ and she was right I did notice my patterns thereafter, I did do things that I would not normaly do.

Its ok to try to put your best but when that is once you’re getting to know the person or at least in contact with them right, not when you don’t know them, their name and are total strangers.

I behave differently I know. I would try to get their attention and its not my normal self. Maybe in my subconcious I feel that my normal self isn’t good enough to get attention and that’s why I try to show what all good stuff I have, dance / singh/ good choice of songs on my phone.

”good choice of songs on my phone’This is so stupid.I know. But I just did this today until I realised and stopped. Well there is this guy in my office, he seems younger to me and he’s cute, but I hadn’t thought much of him until today I saw him looking at me. He sits one bay behind mine and so when I sat up for going  for breakfast i saw him looking at me, not staring but just looking, then again I saw him look at me a few times. I know whenever I write about any guy it turns to be nothing, but that’s not the point, the point is after lunch I sat on my seat and started playing songs on my phone (since I cant find my earphones since 2 days) and then I started singing along too, not loud music and loud voice, but little loud that I thought could reach his ears and then just my lips moving with the song and my head turned to side, so anyone behind me can see me singing the words of that good song. hahaaa.. i cant believe when my mind did all this processing, but it definitely wasso natural to me. god! How low on confidence am I? am this is at the slightest hint of Nothing! he just looked at me! and I don’t even like him!

But still this urge to please was there and I only realised now.

I dont like to admit this.  I don’t think this is a good thing about me. why do i do this? and so naturally and yet so not me.

And there is this other guy in my office too, he’s my boss’s boss (i hate that word ‘boss’, but helps describing stuff here so). He’s handsome and tall and im actually attracted to him, but seriously i can’t even look him in the eyes and once when he came in front of me I couldn’t even say ‘hi’, not that he knows me or anything, but I was so tongue tied and its a silly school girl crush, only that Im not in school and he’s not my teacher. 🙂 Its fun to watch him from distance and …just that .. watch and see and get little dreamy eyed. 🙂

I guess when I find the right guy i wouldn’t feel the need to please, or will that never happen? I wonder!


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Filed under dating, dreams, feelings, habits, Interesting, interpret, life, love, personal, random, secrets, thoughts, Uncategorized

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