So I has a holiday yesterday due to a religious occasion in one of the god’s honor. Its called Maha Shivratri and its for lord Shiva and also they celebrate his marraige to godess Parvati. Well, I didn’t do anything for it, just slept really late and enjoyed a mid week off.
So the night before I was up till late, coz I knew no early waking up to do. I was talking to K, the London Guy and we were discussing about relationships, mostly his. So he was caught up in this online relationship with this girl whom he’s not ever met and she’s all clingy and emotional drama queen. He overdid the whole internet chatting and web chatting thing while he had time on his hands, which was a year back, and now he knows its all going to get nowhere and he feels its like a burden on him coz she expects him to be around and available all the time. He also tried to end things with her and he says she tried to commit suicide and now he’s shit scared to say anything to her. My advice was to completely cut her off, change your no., block her from all accounts and let it be that way. I was a little blunt in telling him that a human can live without anyone else as long as they get what their body needs for survival and if this girl dosen’t value her own life then how can he be responsible for hers.
He thought I was totally against relationships and almost detest them. He asked me “Isn’t it scary? to think that you’re growing and with passing age you are only detesting relationships more and more?” and although I told him that I don’t detest them completely, just a few kinds of them, but the truth is that I know I am not completely open for them yet, but have I completely put them off my list and life? I know not yet.
I do keep saying that I want to be with someone nice, but do I really? Is my wihs list of the guy I want not too much perfect, or something that I have delusionally created to be next to never being met/found.
Could it be ? Am I an anti-relationship person now? Well, I still think romantically when the weather is sweet and rainy (like today) and I still dream of great love. But when the opportunity was there last month, when Nick was saying and doing things that friends don’t say/do for anothe friend, I freaked out! I was completely off the line and wanted to run in opposite direction. Maybe him being a friend is a different angle to it, but I wasn’t even open to the idea and kept saying, ‘are you crazy, we’er friends and he’s not the type I want’.
I wouldn’t know the answer in words and will find it only in practice, when I am with someone and observe myself . But will I ever be with someone, if I just check them off my even-considering list?
High time I find out! Coz I don’t want to live loveless or in ignorance of my own feelings. I’m going to go off easy on my requirements and lets see, maybe I will get to know what state I am really in.
Wish me Luck fellas!!! 🙂