Do I expect too much if I want my friends to be at the same page that I ma, whether it be about excited about meeting each other or sharing something or anything else.. somehow I have found myself to be feeling less wanted r not so important and going by the no. of times I feel this way..i’m starting to think if maybe I’m doing something wrong?
A friend of mine came back from London after about 2 years and in this while whenever we chatted / spoke we talked about how good it will be see him back and catch up. Now when he is here he made no effort to meet, this being the weekend I called him to know his plans and he was not very sure of when he will be free. Now I totally get it when you have work to do, but then when you’re outwardly showing no interest in even planning to make time.then hello!! He’s not a very near and dear friend and I know I don’t mean much to him, but still it felt bad that I was excited about it and he was lame about it.
I don’t know why but more I find myself in such situations too often.
Just 2 months back, another college friend came back from Australia after 3 years, he would usually call from there and would say he missed me and how we would have fun when he would come back. This was also not a close to heart friendship but yes much of our college time was spent together and he did share his thoughts with me often. When he came I called him every weekend for about 5-6 weekends and asked if he wanted to meet, everytime he said he was going somewhere or didn’t have vehicle or something or the other. I even offered to meet him at a central place that would be half way for both, but he seemed to be thinking of how he would travel back home drunk. Ya I know??? I told him politely that meeting friends didn’t mean getting drunk only, we could meet over lunch and talk, but he never said yes. And then he left without meeting me. He called me a day before he left and was all drunk and said he was sorry and that he really cares for me and stuff. Ya right? I felt stupid. Not that I was waiting up for him, but still, I listened to all his crap and stupid stuff the way you do for friends, I gave him advice over his troubled issues that he shared, I listened to all his weird stories even when I felt awkward. And now after months he calls me and tells me he’s sorry and that I should go to meet him in Australia and that he would sponsor me. I mean, what’s is wrong here? Do I seem like the doormat that is readily available all the time? And honestly when you don’t care a damn then why pretend? I wouldn’t have died if he simply had told me that he had many other priorities and I’m not so important. Its better that way.
Another example is my friend ‘A’. He somehow makes me feel I ask too much if I even ask him to meet me. He thinks going out of the way is not for friends. If you happen to be on the way to where I’m headed its fine, else its ok. What is wrong with making some effort for friends? He makes me feel as though I’m exploiting him. Do friends who care for you have no value, no worth? He has actually gone from being a loving friend to making me feel like crap. Every other thing he has to do, whether it be lazing around, watching tv, watching movie with office colleagues, anything is more important than me.
These are just couple of things and its happened so many times, but seriously I think that I take friendship way more seriously than I ought to. I’m not saying friendship needs to be a burden that is hard to maintain, but why is it not important to you? I am your friend, I care about you, I enjoy time with you, we share so much then how come you declare me not worth?
Maybe I don’t know what friendship is all about.
Is it a side help kina relation that you keep on the shelf only to pick up and give it time in your free time or when you’re bored?
Does friendship only mean standing by someone, while they ignore your feelings?
Does your priorities in life never include having good friendships?
What exactly are we talking about?
Everytime you have a personal life do you forget about the person who listened to your troubles over and over again, who consoled you, who emotionally supported you, who held your hand?
Aren’t friends part of your life?
I feel so stupid and angry when I reach ahead and find myself alone at that point. It’s not that I don’t get people having a life apart from friends, but how are friends less important is what I don’t get.
Yes, if you’re dealing with a problem and cannot make time I understand, I will be there for you, but how does not making any effort for friends become good friendship.
The funny thing is it all affects me. I feel so isolated and thrown away.
Is there some universal law of friendship that I haven’t learnt about? What are friendships all about?