These are not the dark secrets from my past, not terrible facts of my life, just some thoughts that have crossed my mind. Weird/strange /unknown territory and their presence in my mind has made me question myself ‘if I was actually thinking this and why?’…
How it would be if I die at this age? How will my family react? How will they cope? Will anyone really miss me?
I don’t want to grow old. It scares me to death. Maybe dying early is good.
The way I behave, or misbehave as my mother says and calls me exactly as my dad and the thoughts that make me behave that way, did he also think like this. Will I turn out like him.
There is so much of sadness within me. Full of regrets, grudges, what if’s, self doubt. Will I always be like this? Can I truely be happy with anyone/myself?
Am I capable of killing myself? like can I actually jump off from a building when I look down and see the streets and cars moving many feet below?
Am I suffering from depression? Should I start seeing a shrink?
How long can I go like this? How long will I last? Why this burden weighs me down and sinks my heart? Why do I care so much?
Will I see my dad ever again? maybe after I die?
Creepy, but true to my heart I have felt them in my head. Some only once or twice, and some more often…