Something’s missing

Why does my life seems so empty right now? There is so much I want, so much to want and yet all seems like a dream far away. I know we people usually crib about things and don’t appreciate much of what we have, yet there is a space, like a missing link, like I’m wandering on the wrong streets with a blank paper with no address on it.

I know, I’ve written this many times, and yet again I can’t help saying, I feel so in the wrong place, at work, in relationships, in friendships, in my family. So all gone wrong. A mismatch of  what really is and how it is.

I’m not sure how am I going to take this through, maybe tomorrow I read this and laugh at myself for being so silly or maybe I would still feel sad about how this all is. how my life is. Hmmp! sigh*

Why don’t I feel like I’m living, LIVING my life?  I never thought this would be me and how I am. really! I’m sad yes, maybe that everyone is moving in life and I am not, but how can just comparison make you feel so small and worthless if you have what you want. I’m not happy from my heart. I feel like I’m cutting a bit of my skin everyday and feel so sore in my heart. It’s sad. very sad. I won’t deny it.

The only thing that give me some satisfaction is that I am doing something for my family. I’m not hopeless just not able to see how it will work. I know it will, yet there is a thought that it shouldn’t get too late. I’m worried. When I see other girls and their well settled families I wonder how come I am not there? When and why did God choose this path for me? If I am the diamond that he is polishing with hardships, to make it shine bright, then let me tell you god, it’s hurting now, cutting me now, and then there is a very slight possibility that it may break to pieces. Very slight now, but you must stop. Haven’t we seen enough? 

Strange as it seems even to myself, I do turn to god when there are no answers. I question him as to why me. He has a reason and we know that is true, yet sometimes it feels like if only he could whisper the reason for why into your sleep then I could wake up and laugh through this all, anything at all, coz I would know he told me why and I know.

This is getting more sad as I keep typing. Feel little light though, but there is something so missing. What? tell me ? It’s screaming in my head now.

I better leave..now..Sorry if this made you sad too.

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3 Comments

Filed under Blogroll, dreams, family, feelings, Interesting, interpret, life, love, personal, random, realtionships, secrets, thoughts, Uncategorized

3 responses to “Something’s missing

  1. I know we are from different cultures, so I appologize if this question seems ignorant… but is it normal there for children to be supporting their families? Shouldn’t your parents be supporting themselves?

    In North America- Our parents provide for themselves and for us until we are old enough to provide for ourselves. It is not until we are accomplished and our parents are old and can not care for themselves any longer that we look after them.

    I’m sure it’s different where you are, but perhaps you could explain it to me so that I can understand your circumstances better.

  2. newme

    Yes, its normal here to support your parents. Well, see in a normal situation, when the kids start earning they start contributing to the family, but in my case i’m the bread earner as my dad passed away 9 years back and mom has always been a housewife. We got through our education with the help of my grandparents and now its upto us to run the family finance. Its not forced or anything, but its more understood and love that cannot let us be selfsih.

    However, I don’t feel selfishly sad for me all the time, its just that if I had that chance to be who I want to ne and do what I wanted and there wasn’t this responsibility on me alone, then I could have.

    I understand your confusion, its a very different culture here and children here are living more of their parents dreams than their own. I think the entire emotional attachment is in excess here, which has both its pros and cons. I think I might have written only about the cons uptil now, but there are so many good things about it all too, like you are never alone, there is always a bunch of people to take care of you, they always accept you back no matter how big a mistake you do, there is so much warmth and love i mean parents here literally live for their kids they dedicate everything to their kids. Its all about family. All!

    I am somewhat aware of the NA culture though, with all the movies we watch and then a few relatives settled in USA, so. I find that cool too! But I think even if I was in your culture and had this circumstances then I would do the same, do what’s best for the family rather than only myself.

  3. Pingback: 2010 in review « My Weblog

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