Why does my life seems so empty right now? There is so much I want, so much to want and yet all seems like a dream far away. I know we people usually crib about things and don’t appreciate much of what we have, yet there is a space, like a missing link, like I’m wandering on the wrong streets with a blank paper with no address on it.
I know, I’ve written this many times, and yet again I can’t help saying, I feel so in the wrong place, at work, in relationships, in friendships, in my family. So all gone wrong. A mismatch of what really is and how it is.
I’m not sure how am I going to take this through, maybe tomorrow I read this and laugh at myself for being so silly or maybe I would still feel sad about how this all is. how my life is. Hmmp! sigh*
Why don’t I feel like I’m living, LIVING my life? I never thought this would be me and how I am. really! I’m sad yes, maybe that everyone is moving in life and I am not, but how can just comparison make you feel so small and worthless if you have what you want. I’m not happy from my heart. I feel like I’m cutting a bit of my skin everyday and feel so sore in my heart. It’s sad. very sad. I won’t deny it.
The only thing that give me some satisfaction is that I am doing something for my family. I’m not hopeless just not able to see how it will work. I know it will, yet there is a thought that it shouldn’t get too late. I’m worried. When I see other girls and their well settled families I wonder how come I am not there? When and why did God choose this path for me? If I am the diamond that he is polishing with hardships, to make it shine bright, then let me tell you god, it’s hurting now, cutting me now, and then there is a very slight possibility that it may break to pieces. Very slight now, but you must stop. Haven’t we seen enough?
Strange as it seems even to myself, I do turn to god when there are no answers. I question him as to why me. He has a reason and we know that is true, yet sometimes it feels like if only he could whisper the reason for why into your sleep then I could wake up and laugh through this all, anything at all, coz I would know he told me why and I know.
This is getting more sad as I keep typing. Feel little light though, but there is something so missing. What? tell me ? It’s screaming in my head now.
I better leave..now..Sorry if this made you sad too.