Before we start let me remind you all that I’m fairy new to the dating scene. I have recently got back in the game after 3 years of steady relationship followed by 2 years of single(ism).
What do you look for when you see someone new? When you start talking/ meeting this new person?
We all might be looking for different things, love-of-our-life, good company, steady relationship or like me for now just something that isn’t a burden.
But here’s the catch in all the above cases, we all have these ideas in our heads before we start out. I have too. It’s good to know what you want and have a clear head right? However, the picture we have put in our minds are mostly not practical. They’re these images of a person who will love you, appreciate you, never fight, care and all the good. Where can we ever find someone with no flaws? Only in our minds. He/She might not share your interest for books, might not love the same songs, may not be so vocal about what they feel for you. Maybe. But these perfect images in our minds make it so difficult to accept what is in front of you, with you. It has made it difficult for me. Then I think what the other person’s perfect picture would be like and how much do I fit in? Not much maybe. Why does this word ‘perfect’ even exist? It makes everything else seem so much less worthy and unacceptable.
Also, I have a feeling that this is just another stupid trick we play to hide our insecurities. A way to keep an option available to say “he/she wasn’t close to my picture as it is”. Just another way to keep a part of yourself from disappointment.
It’s really difficult to keep one from being hopeful, and hopeful and practical is even more difficult.
As for me, the difficult part comes around accepting myself and also accepting that I accept something less than the picture in my mind. And al this brings a doubt in my mind that “Do I even deserve what I think I do?” and then creeps in the self-doubt, harsh self criticism.
Maybe we need to live less in ideas and much in real. Maybe its only me who need to..