It’s actually amazing, the patience and tolerance levels we humans have. Especially in the matters of the heart, we seem to be driven by nothing just love and feelings.
I’ve met people who know that it’s never gonna work out and they will never be able to be with the one they love, yet they hopelessly are drowning in it, holding onto every bit of that experience. I’ve met people who are so totally crazy for someone who they accept the other persons ignorance and negligence also as love.
It’s difficult. All of it is. When you want something to be there so much and then the lengths you go to make it true. It’s all very difficult and I haven’t even come to the hurt and pain part yet.
The thing is that we want to be loved and appreciated and cared for. Is that too much to ask for? Honesty, love, care, acceptance, we search for it everywhere, in everyone we meet. I know I do.
Everytime we meet someone who seems like a prospect of being the one in our life (whatever ‘one’ might mean to you, boyfriend, husband, support..) we always make these dreams of what it would be. We start dwelling on how they would accept us and love us the way we are. But that seldom happens, we go out of our ways to impress the other person, make them feel like we are everything that they dreamed of and then when its back to reality it’s not so good.
Also, if there is something you want ot ignore about yourself and don’t accept, then we expect the other person to als ignore it. If they don’t and tell us, then it hurts. It kills.
I have been speaking to New Guy and it seems good do far. He calls me names for being fat and chubby, but all in a kidding kinda way and I don’t want to pay much attention to it but it does hurt. I don’t like him to day that I’m fat. I’m not, just a little healthy. 🙂 But seriously I don’t like it when he makes those jokes. And worst part is that I don’t know how to react to it all. I laugh trying to hide the conscious effort in my voice.
Apart from all that, now I really don’t want to meet him, just what might happen is scarring me. I’m hoping he will like and vice versa, but then if he makes those jokes on my face then I wouldn’t be able to hide my true expression, i.e feeling bad and low. I hope it goes well, but I’m certainly not meeting him tomorrow. I can’t, don’t have good clothes and no time to shop anymore. And one more thing I want to make myself clear on is that whatever might happen, I will not let myself get emotionally attached into all of this and take it just as fun thing. I’ll try atleast.
We expect so much and then we don’t find all or something different and get hurt. And then we start over again. All in the hope to find what we want so much and so badly that no amount of falls can make us give up on this hope. 🙂