Some nervous & confused thoughts..

We seem to know everything about relationships when you’re not in one, and the moment you get involved all your senses and wisdom seems too got out of the window. Why am talking all this? I don’t know. 

I was up speaking to the ‘New Guy’ till 2 am yesterday and we talked generally, nothing romantic at all. I don’t know if he’s into me or not or if I am either?  I think this question would be valid only once we meet. But still I’m curious if he would like me. We’ve seen each others pics and he hasn’t said anything nice about me so far, just commented on fb on few pics that were from last year when I had lost lot of weight (which btw is back on me and made me suspicious so just went for Thyroid test today morning, hope its positive and I can take meds and get slim 😦 ). So, coming back to me and New Guy, we talk about lot of stuff and mostly agree on much. One thing I like is that he has his point of view and not dumb.

He also asked about my sis’ pics that were on my profile and left a ‘Hi’ to her. My sis is very pretty, a little chubby these days but still very a beauty. I always feel if some guy meets both us he would prefer her always her, she the pretty and fun and social one, but with me people start liking me only once they get to know me little by little. I’m a little insecure of that fact, well lets say that it would be little hurting if he wanted to go out with my sis after meeting us,  but then I shouldn’t keep any hopes for him wanting to be with me either. Now it sounds like I’m having a serious confidence crisis but I am not. I still feel very good about myself and know I am a terrific person to be around,  but all these things I am thinking are just hovering around the idea if the New Guy is a real good guy, I don’t want to say it like this but its the truth ‘if he’s a good catch’ then its what these ideas are based on.

See, it’s just the thought of a relationship and I’m all zapped. 🙂

There’s one more thing on my mind, he was insisting we meet coming weekend and I didn’t say a full yes. Why? I’m  feeling a little conscious of myself, my looks are fine, but my body (chubby now) and short hair (which now I wish would grow length of 4-5 inches longer within a day) which make my face even more round (why did I cut my long hair again, oh yes, severed damage was done by using clothes iron on my hair for pressing). Also, I’m not very confident on my clothes. Although I have a good dressing sense I don’t shop much, mainly because of money problems, I don’t feel good spending much on myself when my family could use that money and most of the stuff I like is branded and expensive, so I kill the need of having good clothes and pretend I’m OK with what I have. Now, if I went out and bought something good to wear for when I meet him, then that would again feel very silly and desperate to be liked. I want to feel liked however I am, but even I don’t like myself an  how I am dressing.

Whoa! See the insecurities and knotted feelings surfacing ? One thing is for sure, if I don’t like myself then no one else will either.

Well, maybe he would turn out to be a jerk himself. Hahaha, see now I’m trying to convince myself that New Guy would be more worthless than what I feel right now, to make myself feel better. Does it help? Yes, a bit.

Not too sure if I will meet him this weekend or not, but lets see.


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Filed under dating, family, feelings, friends, habits, health, Interesting, interpret, life, love, personal, random, realtionships, secrets, thoughts

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