Generally speaking.

Its happened more than a few times now that I open up wordpress thinking of writing something and then I start reading other blogs and end up not writing anything. Not blaming others, its just that sometimes you only have a  moment to say something, you either let it out right then or will never, something like that.

Its weird really, I am sitting in my office at my desk, actually chair, so why do we use the phrase ‘sitting at my desk’? anyways, and listening to some sad + romantic+ feelings type+melodious songs (I’m thinking i need to change the list of songs on my desktop, something peppy maybe)  and smelling the coffee aroma from the cup in front of me (which is now not allowed, no beverages, eatables at your desk) and I’m lost, like literally lost, I need to pull myself to bring my mind to work and so what I ought to.

I’m so tired of asking the same questions to myself  & God, there are no answers. I try to look for clues, signs, something, anything. Tell me what I want? I’m here and doing fine, but every now and then I feel lost. I seem to feel so out of place.

The weather is clearing out after a good rain and heavy clouds since last evening, I wish my mind would be clear too. I think about it and nothing I know. I’ve tried ignorance and all it makes me feel is a loser. I’ve wanted so much but haven’t achieved quite much. How can you want something you don’t even know? I know I want to be doing what I’m passionate about, but what is that? When will life take a turn for good and take me to where I belong ? There’s so I want, so much of what I don’t even know.

Silence makes me aware of my ignorance and thoughts only tell more of what a wrong place I am at, yet I go on, I have to, I owe it to my family.

A thought comes to my mind, how can my focus be so limited. I hear of people doing it all together, responsibilities, love, finding their dreams, getting health. And all I do is try and try. Will this pay off? ever?

When everything seems like a burden, is there a need to drop everything and leave ? I don’t think I have the guts to do that either.

where am I? and why?

I so need to stop that listening to those sad songs .. after this one maybe.

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4 Comments

Filed under dreams, family, feelings, habits, health, Interesting, interpret, life, love, music, personal, random, secrets, thoughts, Uncategorized, work

4 responses to “Generally speaking.

  1. complex post. upright one unimportant where I quarrel with it. I am emailing you in detail.

  2. Today I wanted to start off writing something on my blog, and just the same thing happend to wot u hav posted on this one. I bumped into ur blog n got lost reading. And guess wot, I’ve spent most of my day already just reading ur blog(except for having lunch and attending a weekly meeting). And sadly, coffee is not allowed at our desk too, coz they say it could get spilt over the keyboard(wot a nonsense thot!!).probably thts why we call it sitting at the desk and not chair..
    ‘And all I do is try and try. Will this pay off? ever?’ – again I’ve to say, thts my sentence too..
    after reading each article, am only understanding u better, coz it feels so much to be me!!. my words might seem noxious, but then I speak only truth..!!

  3. newme

    If you say its the truth I believe it! Wat other way is there to be positive right?

    Great to know you spend your 1 day’s salary worth on reading my thoughts. 🙂 I wish they’d pay for this everyday. lol!

    Let me also know wat u understand abt me, might help me.

    Noxioux?? Not yet…

    Tc!

  4. U r quite an optimist…
    Well then, I ll try to comment it down frm now on, each time I read something on ur blog.
    n I really wish I could spend the whole day reading instead of coding this sstupid networkin stuff. bt then, this cmpany wud find it hard to survive without my valuable work ;-P..

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