Life has been good this week. Over the last weekend I thought of some ideas and implemented them and they turned out great, then I got too happy I think and that’s why there was a little problem, and the more I thought about the problem I started sliding into self-doubt and tried hard to pull myself back on confidence. After the trying it all became fine again and here I am talking about it and if you’re not getting a word of what I’m trying to say, let me explain.
The last weekend after reading about the right career and such stuff, I settled upon the idea that I have no clue as to what I actually wanted to take as career, I wanted to write but then I also know that writing alone cannot make you carry the family responsibility for a long time and knowing even if little about me, you’d know that I cannot afford to start from scratch now. Then I thought about what I have with me and why was I ignoring it. I have a decent paying job, free food, travel facility and relatively easy work. I clearly excel my expectations levels with not much effort and that’s how it is. It might not be what I’m passionate about but it is not bad either. Finally I decided to move my current career from ‘tolerant’ to ‘Easily Doable’ category. I decided that I will not carry any burden of how ‘I have to do this’, but will think of ‘how easily I can do this and get all the advantages it has’. And that worked.
I cane into work with a different perspective, and even though right now writing this seems more interesting and fun to me I will get back to the work pending on my desk without any hard and bitter feelings. That’s how I changed the way I looked at it and you know what happened, the next day I got nominated for an Excellent Performer type award. Its not a big deal, but then it meant something to me. I did get nominated once earlier too, as my senior had told me, but I don’t think she did nominate me, coz I didn’t see the nomination mail for & also nothing came of it, anyhow this time I she did bcc me the mail and I was happy. I am good at what I do and can so easily perform well, so why not make use of it and in the mean time I also get time to do other stuff.
Then I had to take the laptop home to test some connectivity before hand and then I didn’t know that it needs to have some files moved in office before you use it from home, so I took it home, couldn’t connect and then everyone telling me you should have asked before taking it home. Okay I understand I should have asked, but how did others handing it to me assume that I knew it. I got little worried about if was too happy and this had to happen and then kept thinking in the night about how I face the situation and decided on not slugging but being upfront about it and saying that ‘Yes, I did not know how to set it up and on my part I did mistake on not asking, so lets see what we can do now’. Next day, that’s what I did and it worked fine, I got some doubtful looks and questions and I answered them correctly, nobody told me it about the process and said it was a must and I didn’t know so the question didn’t come to my mind. I felt so relieved. Also, I learnt a small thing about how to accept when you’re on mistake and not feel like a looser. We’re human remember and humans make mistakes, everyone of them, manager, CEO everyone.. But I’m hoping this doesn’t impact on my award nomination.
Now all has worked out find. My senior also took the laptop home to try for herself,but she couldn’t get it working either. See, we need to learn to start.
Yesterday, me being part of the event organising people had arrange some games and fun stuff for work people. It was all good and I landed up calling out “One Nine, eighteen” . Everyone laughed, little embarrassing but I need to get easy on being made fun of too. Human again!
I also finished this book ‘A hungry tide’ I had been hanging onto for a long time and now started another. I just can’t see myself leaving something half way, I feel guilty about it and pick it up again to finish it. I know, I know, I need to ease up on myself right. Just that these notions in my head make me feel unworthy and guilty if I do something like that. anyways finally its over.
Today’s Friday and I’m happy that it is. Its been a week of deciding, implementing, faltering, accepting your fault, being laughed at , accepting being laughed at and now some work too. Long week huh!
So another update is that jazz dance is held off for another 2 months, (stop rolling your eyes and calling me ‘Lazy’) I’ve signed up to learn swimming for these two months and I’ll be going for 3 days a week, so 3 days swimming and 2 days dance would’ve been too much for me. I was ok with the 5 days occupied plan, but then I saw myself worrying over ‘will I be able to cope up’ and decided that these were supposed to be hobbies and fun and not stressing out stuff. So it’s one hobby at a time, and then I also have myself signed up for dance after these 2 months so no worrying, its not going to run away.
I start swimming lessons from tomorrow, still haven’t got the swim suit yet. Reebok and Adidas, here I come. I’m a little nervous and little excited. 🙂
Any tips for beginners? the swimsuit? Do’s and Don’ts? Tell me, tell me.
And all who’re thinking of advising ‘Do Not Drown’, I have that in my mind already. 🙂
PS: Too many smiles on this post right? 🙂 see again, Its how I’m feeling!