Today morning I’m unusually upbeat and charged up. There’s a smile on my face and something so fresh about me. I feel pretty good today and that too amid the strange circumstances that include
a)today being an early Monday morning,
b)I only got a 5 1/2 hours sleep
c)which by-the-way was not sound and had images on the reality shows I was watching last night going on and
d)then the prolonged PMS discomfort that was continuing since Sunday evening and making me think over and over again if I should go for the dance class today at all, or should go and not do the exercise and just the routine and pass or should go and do the splits as well.
Btw isn’t PMS supposed to get you all cranky and emotional?
I will try not to take this away from myself but somehow I seem to be at ease and relieved. But some reasons are coming to my mind.
I told y’all about this magazine where I read how blogging could help find the right career for you and then how I was analyzing where I belong (trying at least) and that also had many pages on keeping you away from lay-off in recession times and how to be irreplaceable at your job, and I did read them too and seeing that I had nothing special to do this weekend and I had ignored the weekend chores without any guilt, these thoughts had been swinging in my head. I read the pages again and I realized that discontentment is not what will get me what I want. So I decided (ya ya, roll your eyes and think I’m a silly teenager making hasty decisions, but I’m so bloody impulsive and mostly that works in a good way) that I’m not gonna do anything half heatedly. I’m going to do what I am and give it my best until the next best thing happens. Why should I feel so exploited when I can feel valued and I’m not exaggerating but I know I’m the best of the lot at work, at least amongst all the people(okay 3 people) reporting to my immediate senior and just last Friday i indirectly got feedback on how good I am at work and how she has only nice things to say about me (I still do not trust her). So yes, why be in misery when only by making a change of perspective I could feel so wanted and important. However in my heart I know that the joy I get from writing a page does not match my entire day at work, but then isn’t being good at something even when you don’t like it so much and t serves a purpose for your family, a positive thing? Do you see the high spirits reflecting the positive vibes. I do! So I’m not carrying the burden of being at the wrong place anymore and instead I will do my best at the task in hand and get credit for it, however I’m not in for spending extra hours here. 😉
Also on a personal front, I was watching ‘Jab We Met’ (people who’re unaware, its a Bollywood movie, watch it if you haven’t. Its a beautiful story! and I totally love the last kissing scene!…oohhh.) and Geet’s character has got me thinking of how she loves herself and takes ownership of her life. I want to bring that quality into myself ‘giving yourself unconditional love and believing you are the best’. I’ve always looked to others to find acceptance, not that I would be on their mercy upfront, but in my heart I’ve always wanted to be the love- by-all one. I have bounded myself to ‘Should and Shouldn’t’ of behavior and being and somewhere I do know that the reason holds a doubt that if I was myself and not following these unsaid codes then will I be accepted. I do have a good and bad inside me, just like everyone else does. So why am I scared to live it openly. I’m going to love myself and be myself, so what if I’m too outspoken and like to talk about the most unusual stuff even if people get awkward, so what if I am bold enough to approach a guy and ask for his number, what if I hang on to crushes and visit their profile again and again. This is me. I love myself. I LOVE MYSELF. There’s always room for improvement but to be in the hiding is not me anymore. I will be myself and love myself and if anyone wants to accept me fine, if not, fine again. I really need to and will ease up, just relax and be myself. Also, I will try not to hurt people and be polite even when I’m angry. I will try.
As for now I’m all smile and happy. Life’s good !
PS: Does this sound like a PMSing post?? 🙂
And did anyone notice I did blog from home this weekend. Anything I admit to and the very opposite happens next. (more on this next post).