Lately I haven’t been typing in much and I’m beginning to get the feel that that’s why I’m so worked up. The millions and zillions of thoughts crossing my mind everyday haven’t got an outlet, a way to be out in the open and this is because a) I don’t talk much at home, not about work at least and work is where most of the thinking isdone, intentionally or otherwise & b) I haven’t been blogging.
I recently read two very good reasons to blog in a magazine:
1. Blogging works as Anger Management and this doesn’t mean you are a ‘raising gun-points on people’ type angry person, anger means anything that bother you and makes you feel like bursting, could be a cheating lover, unmanageable kids or even sometimes unfair life in general. So there write whatever is bothering you and feel relaxed. It works to some extent. Proof, as I am writing this I can feel the creases on my forehead relaxing down.
2. Blogging and help you find your right career. And everyone who’s I’m so in the need to find mine. How? Well, its simple that whenever you’re reading blogs just make a mental note of the Tags/Categories you visit most. For example, if you read mostly about Food and recipe’s then something Kitchen/restaurant related would be your interest; if you’re mostly stuck on stories then some writing/fiction could be your thing. Now please don’t ask me what if the your mostly visited tags are ‘Sex’? Here’s an idea, maybe you could become a sex consultant i.e if such a thing exists. 🙂
So its simple as it sounds, your interest are what you will be drawn towards and all you have to do is acknowledge this interest and find ways to use it productively.
If I put myself in this situation, then I usually like to read the ‘personal’, ‘random’, ‘Life’, ‘thoughts’ and sometimes ‘writing’ tags (not listed in any preference order). I mostly like to read the open bare truths and confessions tye of stuff. So what do you think is my interest??? Random thoughts?? Its not so simple after all huh?
Anyways, getting back to ‘my state of mind’, its not in the best place right now and all the positiveness is being held by just on hook tip (weird sentence right?). If you didn’t get me then, what I meant was I’m trying to hold onto every bit of positive thinking and its getting really difficult.
I have been off from work quite a lot this month, 4 days of leave till now out of which 3 mondays. Its been difficult to accept that this is my life, this work, this office, these polite conversations and this life. I come to work thinking of how to get by the day and after I leave I think it wasn’t so bad after all, but while I’m here I feel stuck, like being in a wrong place and continuing to be there even if you knew it, I feel helpless and angry at the same time. I know this is not so bad, there are perks and easy work and decent pay, then why can’t I do it without so many thoughts and pathetic feeling? Why can’t I take this just a job? The more I think the worse it gets. And now I don’t even feel like working, if there is something urgent hanging on my neck then I do it but if there is some time to it then I ignore it and get to blogging instead.
I’m feeling much better after writing all that now.
I can’t say this at home to anyone, they don’t understand. Mom will get a panic attack and say all about my responsibilities and then I’ll land up feeling guilty and sis will only listen for a few minutes and tell me about all the perks I get as compared to her. I got no one to talk to except you my dear blog. You’re my best friend! Can you please reply sometime? and give advice also? well, okay get someone who is reading this to reply atleast? Please!
New things in life include, signing up for swimming lessons from next month, me and mom will be going together and we’re all set, except I haven’t bought my swimsuit yet. Ooohh! me in swimsuit! I think will go and find one in decent covering and exposing ratio. God I’ve never worn one, will let you know how I’ll look.
Also, the dance performance will be in June end and practises begin next month. I so hope we get a ‘hot and sexy’ choreography this time.
Today is dance class again and I’m all-set to getting groovy and letting it all out today. What happens at the class is that I get too conscious about what I’m wearing and how I’m looking and I have three tyres and the other girls have perfect figures. And with all this thinking I loose the confidence and my dance shows it. When I practice at home I feel great, I show my moves and give it the best and I see myself and I actually look hot, but at the class its different. I’m going to get my hot self exposed in the class today. I don’t care if I look stupid or where my clothes are going. I will perform today. Full On!
That’s pretty much what’s been happening in the past few days. And hey, that thing ‘that-I-have-started-and-I-am-not-going-to-talk-about-until-its-complete’ is going on. Pray for me! I will.
*Good type feelings, relaxed feeling have definitely increased from when I started this post.*