This is a very confusing thing to me. I know how it should be but I don’t know how to get there. I have my own ideas and thought but I still listen to my family and do stuff for their sake even if I don’t believe in it.
Who am I? I am who I am because of the parents I was born to, the family values that they have taught me, the education they thought I should take for my life and the career they handed to me and paid for. Is this what makes me? Then who is that who doesn’t believe in the old ways that my mom follows, who feels like back-answering to every male-chauvinist even so if that is a respectable and elderly person? Who is the person who doesn’t think its required to get married to live together? This isn’t what my mom taught me, this is what I think.
Then why can’t I do what I want and think? I still lives with these differences and nodding to opinions I don’t think is right but know that my arguing will not change my mom’s thinking of last 50 years . At times I wish they would leave me alone and then feel so guilty about it coz they love me and they care.
When it comes to me being the family, I try to leave the others alone, but its not so easy. Especially with my sister, I see what she’s doing is wrong and will land up in mess, and I try to stop / correct her (like a family) instead of letting her make her mistakes and learn (like an individual). With my little brother I think I play a safe distance, I let him be most of the times until now, but I dread the time he will start to try alcohol and cigarettes. I wouldn’t know how to handle that, however I know that he will try all that but I’m just hoping we have been good examples for him.
Am I being a hypocrite here?? Wanting different ways for myself and then for my brother??
I wanted to say much more but can’t get myself to. Its all too confusing…