Yesterday was so shocking for me. I went to the class, kept looking and admiring him. There were a few accidental touches, like his hand hit mine during the routine and he almost stepped on my foot while doing a step backwards and his back was so closed to me and yes all this happened coz I was standing just behind him to his left shoulder where I could see his face properly in the mirror. I wasn’t in the right attire and was feeling little conscious, I was wearing a black long top that was kina loose and had those wide pleats starting at the neck and running till end, it made it look fluffy and since i didn’t care to wear a sports bra, the underwire bra’s shape was perfectly visible focusing on the gap between my twins as the pleat sinked into the gap. All the time I was pulling the hem of the top so that it wouldn’t sink into the gap but that was that. Don’t know how many people noticed, i was too busy admiring ‘D’. He looks so hot and decent at the same time. It was all good, but I did notice that probationer looking at him and smiling endlessly, couldn’t figure out the kind of smile she had though. It was somewhat a mix of mocking at someone, sharing a secret joke and I know whats going on. Does anyone know what that might be??
Anyways, at the end of the class he made an announcement that he was leaving for Mumbai and the nest class i.e coming Saturday would be his last day with us, OMG!! I heard the breaking of my heart and felt my face going pale. there was a large ‘WHY’ reaction from the class and he said there was some work and again the class responded with a loud ‘WHY’. Someone asked for long will he will be gone and he said for two months. My smile was lost and now I was still wondering if all I heard was right or not . My head was registering the facts and my heart was sinking. It was so hard. He was all smile and everyone started kidding that he’s going to Bollywood and stuff. He seemed really happy and I kept looking at him wondering how it will be not to see him for 2 months. I asked for my feedback hoping to get to see him talk for few more minutes and with everyone still surrounding him I was hoping to get a private moment with him. While he was giving my feedback which btw was’good at technique and apply more technique to routine’ I was looking at his face, his eyes, his lips, he has naturally pink lips and when he talks .. I couldn’t get my eyes off him., my mind was screaming ‘2 months, 2 months now what? I also touched his hand accidentally while taking a pen from his hand, just the tip of his finger touched my hand and my body went on supersonic speed mode, my mind quickly registered it and within fractions of seconds my skin sensed the touch and my heart felt leaping. But he is leaving!
On my way back home we (me and few girls we take the metro and leave together), actually I started talking about how bad it is that he is leaving and that too 2 months, one of the girls said she heard them talking that it would take him more time there like 6-7 months. And I heard another crack in my broken heart. I was supposed to get to know him, talk to him ,go on dates with him and he was to kiss me, many times. And now he’s leaving!
I reached home thinking of how will i say goodbye to him and how could i stay in touch with him. At home I asked my sis about it and though she didn’t help much she did approve of my plan which was to find him less crowded and say ‘all the best and keep in touch’ then casually add ‘you are on facebook right?’ I know he is, i look at his picture almost everyday and think of whether to send him friend request or not. Haven’t gathered the guts yet.
So while sleeping I listened to ‘Bleeding Love’ by Leona Lewis and ‘Kiss me’ by Six Pence none the Richer and felt all the more heartbroken but couldn’t decide on what to feel, i was sad that he was leaving and happy that I got a way to send him friend request and also that i will get 2 months to make myself worthy of his attention( weird i know but i did think this) and in my dream i was planning on giving him a good luck charm as departure gift and was also admitting that it was highly childish but i was still planning it, thank god my senses came back after i woke up.
I still don’t know what to feel. I’m confused! I have some sadness in my eyes and many thoughts. Should I tell him how I feel about him? but whats the point he will still leave right? So should i wait till he gets back? But what if he meets someone there or that probationer girl hooks up with him, i learnt that she too is from Mumbai and maybe she is going too. What if he comes back and doesn’t recognize me or if I send him request and he doesn’t accept? I also thought of leaving the classes till he comes back, but that’s stupid coz i love dancing and this is a good thing in my life and then I didn’t join because of him. So I’ve thought of adding him on facebook, keeping in touch and exchange numbers (can happen only if he shows interest) and when he comes back we can date.
Any other ideas anyone??
But somehow I somewhere am feeling that this is all for the good, i don’t know how but i do feel that.