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Pulling the reins

{ November 9, 2009 @ 10:42 am } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, family, feelings, friends, habits, interpret, life, love, personal, random, reading, realtionships, secrets, sex, thoughts, work, writing }
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It’s funny how you know it all and yet there’s so less you can do to get it right.

I, for one, am too honest, about how I feel, who I am, what I like and what I don’t. I get so honest that I don’t even filter if teh the other person deserves or is trsut worthy of my honesty or not. This puts me in trouble, a lot of times.

Recently, with New Guy, after the last irritating incident I gave him a good blast over the phone. We spoke on the same night and after advice from friends, who said I should make him realize his mistake, I told him he was loosing his manners and treating me like I’m one of his home friends. He said he didn’t realize he was behaving so selfishly and then said sorry. He also said thanks for making him realize his mistake. ?? I didn’t get this at all. Anyways I was really mad and told him to talk about something else and we spoke for another hour or so (now I’m thinking I did too much talking and will lessen it all). He kept on saying sorry whenever he found the chance.

Then, you won’t believe this, he slept off on the phone while talking to me. WTF!!

He’s done this a few times before and then it was all too funny to get pissed off on, but this time it was too much. I simply disconnected the call and sent him a message that he slept off on the phone. He called up within 2 minutes and when I confronted him, first he clearly denied, then he’s like ‘yaa I don’t know why this happens to me’ .. happens to me?? Dude you slept off, it didn’t happen, you made it happen.. WTF!! When did I start become a magnet to guys with zero traits of mannerism and total ‘I don’t why this happens’ jerks?? God save me! I was super pissed off! I told him to sleep off if he’s sleepy and not do this again.

The next day I didn’t reply to his 2 goodmorning messages. Yes, I became the pathetic ‘goodmorning baby’ & ‘goodnight baby’ ass for a while, no more of that crap anymore. *smirkn at myself* lol! Anyways, so called him sometime in the evening and only spoke for a brief 2 minutes and then nothing. At night I spoke to him only like a friend,all casual stuff and no ‘baby’ stuff . Eww.. wats wrong with me!! He was again said sorry many times, I didn’t say its ok or anything. It wasn’t. And now I was seriously considering putting an end to this lame attempt at dating and casual nonsense. I mean this was supposed to be fun and enjoyment and now all it was giving me was frustation and anger.. again WTF! Anywhow, then he called me early morning when I was still sleeping and I spoke to him for 10 min in my sleep where he was all baby and stuff but I didn’t respond. I called him after I woke up and told him that I didn’t remember anything. lol!

Later in the eveing, I so wanted to go out, you know somewhere with friends type or something and I was going out with sis and bro for some shopping so I replied to his text that if he wanted to go for a drive. He was all suprised and like yes sure sweety, my pleasure. So I told him to call me @ 8 and I’ll tell him where I am. Now isn’t that clear? You need to be nearby so can tell you where to pick me up from. So much for common sense, I reached home at 8:30 and called him to ask where he was and he was at his home.. WTF!! for the nth time. I was like what?? and then I was about to tell him that this is too much and we shouldn’ t be dating or talking anymore or something and it felt like he’s taking me way to for granted. Then he was like I’m coming to meet you. I said fine, coz I really wanted to meet him, I mean after talking so much on the phone and all the nonsense, you do feel like meeting and something in reality right? I know I’m sounding like an ass but what the heck.. its true.. So he came to pick me and then we went for a drive. He was looking very sulky, but i guess guys master that as the first few theings once they start dating, you know, how to look puppy type, in need of love and care. Like every sweet girl my anger also melted away by looking at him and this is inspite of knowing that it was all all fake. Anyhow, we moved a little ahead and then instead of sitting into some crowded cafe decided on driving around, which I so was into because I knew what would follow. We talked about it and I told him that I didn’t feel good about it all and that I shouldn’t feel like this because we’re not into anythign so serious andits all supposed to be fun, but there should not be any disrespectful behavior as that would make me feel cheap and I hate that. He said sorry many times and then we moved along, he showed off a little with his fast driving, which btw I totally like (I know teenage like.. but what to do. can’t help). So then he stopped 9as if I din’t know that) and we made out, like not too much but mostly kissing and a few hicky’s *Blush*. Then we moved along and took 2 cigrattes and smoked them while talking and I asked him for one honest confession and he made a big confession that he lies about where he lived coz he didn’t like that place, but I didn’t miind coz many of my friends live where he lives and its all in his head that its not good and all. It wasa bit shocking but he was feeling so relieved after telling me.. So cute.. God! Cute?? but it was.. I’m again behaving like an ass…should stop now.

So next we moved back home around 11pm, where I got a hellof a scolding for having no sense and going out late with some guy that I hardly know and blah blah.. I know all this stuf.. but when you’re doing it then it dosen’t seem to reach your ears.. lol!

Wait for life to happen r run after it?

{ November 8, 2009 @ 11:39 am } · { Blogroll, Hobbies, Interesting, dreams, feelings, habits, interpret, jazz, life, love, music, personal, random, secrets, thoughts, work, writing }
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Before I start lemme mention, my left had finger tips are swollen as if bee strung and little red.. any guesses? Yes, the guitar fever iso n again.. but this time i’m gonna learn it completely, at least enough to support the statement ‘ I know how to play a guitar’. lol!

Coming to what I’ve thought about a lot of times and felt too. Do you sit and wait for life you want to happen or run after it?

I feel like I’ve done a little of both. I’ve been doing this job and spending what probably might be the best years of my life, complaining and feeling not so good and then I’ve also tried to run after it by doing these things like the dance classes, swimming classes, something or the other to keep me busy and feel like I’m living a life. I know pursuing a hobby dosen’t seem lame, but when you go for it only to make yourself feel less of a loser and full of life, then I think you’re at a very wrong place altogether. The irony of all of this is that I don’t know where else I want to be if not here or how to get there… OMG! I’m such a loser!!!

How do you know what you want and if you do then how do get to it??

I know I’ve said this many times, but still no answers…

25 Random things about me – Continued 2

{ November 6, 2009 @ 5:06 pm } · { Blogroll, Interesting, art, dating, dreams, family, feelings, friends, habits, interpret, life, love, music, personal, random, reading, realtionships, secrets, thoughts, work, writing }
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Continuing from the last number .

I was on #45 then.. so

46. I find myself in ‘feet in my mouth’ situation quite often. I seriously need to know when to shut up. It’s not like I talk too much all the time, but at times when I start talking and people start responding well, like listening and enjoying then I go beyond a limit and say things I wouldn’t have otherwise ever said.

47. I love to talk, like a good conversation even healthy arguments (typical libra).

48. I am super jealous of I-never-workout-or-diet-coz-I-have-naturally-high-metabolism-and-slim-bone-structure females and males too.. ‘uber jealous!

49. I am a miser. I actually don’t spend much, but when I do its only on good stuff.

U know wat..let me go back and check my previous random posts, I don’t wanna repeat anything.. okay I’m also trying to get popular..and its for the benefit of the newcomers..

2009/02/26/25-random-things-about-me

2009/04/08/25-random-things-about-me-continued

49. There have been times when I couldn’t get the lyrics of some english songs I have gone to google the lyrics. Don’t know if this happens to others or just me ?

50. I like to get appreciated.. I like it a lot! I know this is like common, but sometimes I go beyond my way to keep it that way, like #46, also sometimes when helping someone and they start saying good things about me and then ask for some help that I know will be little extra than what I can do, I go ahead take the pain and help them. This is so much like ‘Joey’ in FRIENDS episode, where Rachel and Joey kiss in Hawaii and he has to tell Ross about it, but Ross goes on about how good a friends Joey has been and then Joey lands up not uttering a word about him and Rachel at all.

51. I have dreamed about working and living independently in an apartment (New York please) alone since I was in 9th standard, but now I seriously doubt if I’ll be able to manage it all.

52. Many a times I idealize something I want so much that everything else seems not enough. Its happened from shopping items to boys.

53. I like listening to music really loud. Right now listening to

‘I don’t hook up’- Kelly Clarkson. I so identify with this one and also looked up the lyrics of this one

‘Done all wrong’ – new moon. This is alight weird, but I like the dark vampire theme in background.

54. When I like a song, I go on listening to it on repeat for days. Then I move to something else.

55. Actually this happens with other stuff too, fav pair of jeans, scandals, cardigan, muffler.. hmm.. I exhaust the hell out of what I like.. Hope there are no side effects to this..I know there may be..let’s look at the bright side for now.

56. I actually think I can sing well, but I also know better. But this thought that if you get proper training and all then maybe I could have. I’m not that bad now either.

57. I am a very responsible person. How? I have waking up at 5:30am for 2 years now for my job, which as you know is not much my passion. Just imagine if I were into something I loved doing..

58. I feel I’m very vulnerable person and really try hard to hide that, to show I’m strong and don’t care, but I don’t think it works much coz I still find myself in a position where I am feeling bad but not showing it but the other person doesn’t even realize it. Recent incident will be quoted in second post for the night.

59. I haven’t been religious since college, but now started fasts on Thursdays and it makes me feel good. Some peaceful feeling.

60. Much of the times I wish I had a more clear and forgiving heart. Really I wish.

61. People who know less about me seem to be more impressed with me and not so much when they get to know me better. I think so. Maybe I seem all sensible and serious know-it-all-in-control type, until they know how much confusion happens in this mind of mine.

61. I love my family. Just sometimes I think I get selfish and then mix miser into it, so I stop them from some expenditure but do the same for myself.

I think enough for today…

Hope you’al like it.. see I want to be liked.. I guess everybody does..

I like to move it..hahaha.. ‘everybody does’ triggered that one..

If I don’t believe in love..

{ November 6, 2009 @ 4:15 am } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, dreams, feelings, friends, habits, interpret, life, love, music, personal, random, reading, realtionships, secrets, sex, thoughts, writing }
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This is a really good song.. I love Dido’s all songs and especially ‘White Flag’. I like her voice, it’s so non-conventional, not too sugary sweet, that hoarse rough touch yet melodious. Really good!

I read this great and honest post, where a girl explained all about her past relationships and how they ended and what came out of it and its got me thinking. How much do I know about my past? Do I know what had exactly happened? Why I was there and why I left and what came out of it all?

I mean I know they didn’t work and all, but the point is ‘Did I learn the lesson the first time around, or will am I yet to learn it?’

I don’t know… So let’s try and get this sorted.

My first boyfriend was that in school days. I was a total knock out babe and he was cute. He followed me around when I went for evening walks and then came up to ask to be my friend and then after a few tantrums I agreed. We were friends for a while and then he said ‘I Love You’, which at that time meant you’re now officially boyfriend-girlfriend. I took it slow and he was rushing me ahead and at some point it felt like that was the only reason he was with me. It hurt! But then I don’t blame him, he was young and anxious to explore so much on two people being together and doing stuff. I was just scared. We had a really nasty break-up. I cried and yelled at him for tricking me into all of it just for the sake of his first experience and all that on the phone (from an STD).. lol! God! I created so much of drama and we hadn’t even done it. Hell I was immature. But then what me and him shared was so much glossy and fairytale and perfect. All my friends looked up to us as ideal couple. We looked great together and spoke on the phone for hours. That’s it! It made me proud at some point, some stupid teenage feeling of ‘having it all’ had creeped in and when the reality wasn’t so ideal, I was pissed. But then there were much bigger troubles awaiting in line, my dad’s hospital ordeal started soon and then another one and half years of fighting the medical sciences and human body diagnosis. I lost him. I really felt so alone. I wish that ideal boyfriend was there to be with me, just hold my hand, a shoulder to cry out loud in front of. But then with no one around it all made me so strong. I met this guy later after about 3 years, when I was with another guy. We got talking and then he asked me ig he was better or my current guy. Asshole! We spoke for a while until he behaved exactly as weirdly like earlier days, he bought me a gift for my birthday but I paid as he was not carrying cash or something and then he just vanished. Bloody hell! Got a message after long time, but I was done with my share of dealing with cheap guys! literally cheap!

what did I learn – I think ‘do not go ou with Cheap guys! never! ever!’ anything else?

My second so-called boyfriend was again in school, around my twelfth standard and he came to our place along with an uncle who was an astrologer of something. Later we exchanged numbers and then we started talking. Although he wasn’t very sure of whom he wanted to talk to i.e between me and sis, but since I had responded so we got talking. I used to like talking to him but only for sometime. He was super cute and handsome, but apart from that boring and dumb. God! after a few days which seemed like ages I was in tears and wanted to get out of it all. Never have I found someone so intolerable. Anyways, finally once he did a stupid mistake and I caught hold of it and dragged it on and made it a reason to break up with him. Phew!!

what did I learn -never data a dumb cute guy. It’s just too exhausting to have meaningless conversations for hours… tiring!

My third boyfriend was the one in college. He was so not good-looking, I think at one point I even called him ugly i.e, before I knew him. My friends started teasing me with his name, like you’re gonna be with that ugly dude, and somehow later I started to feel what if. I was so innocent, I thought I knew everything. He approached me and then we started dating and before I knew we were together and I was so attached to him. He was a sweetheart. Really! A gem of a person, but then there are things that should not be ignored. He wasn’t at all passionate about his career and then his family was so small-minded. I tried to ignore everything but after 3 years of going through the cycle of love- made for each other-can’t live without-together forever-fighting-patching-fighting-patching, the final question is ‘Are you good to be with each other?’ and I knew we weren’t. I have too much passion for the one life I have, to give it up for a simple and sweet person. I can’t kill my dreams and if you aren’t willing to take the run with me and just slog behind, I’m sorry! He didn’t want to end it and even when I tried being friends he would always come back to asking if we could be together again. But I knew that I would never be happy with him, with so much compromise. So I cut all contacts with him. We have a few common friends and I hear he’s ok. He also asks about me sometimes. I hope he’s over me, I know he wasn’t until quite sometime. But seriously I pray he is. I know I am over him, but just that I don’t think I can trust anyone as blindly as him.

what did I learn – Don’t ignore everything else just because 1 thing is so good, no matter how good.

Lets hope I keep this in mind and not repeat my mistakes! But I still feel that I don’t really know what I want. I mean in my head I know, but then I also know that I might just settle for something less.

Like this New Guy i’ve been dating, he doesn’t have so many things that I wanted in a guy, and yet after knowing it all I’m continuing to date him. Although it’s all a time pass, but even then I mean. Maybe I’m not sure I deserve that good a guy. Don’t know! But with New guy things are so confusing, I like talking to him, but I don’t like all that romantic imaginative stuff too much, I find him attractive when I meet him but not when I think of him later, I want him to pamper me but not get attached or sentimental about it, I want to have a good time but don’t want him to treat me without respect like only fun type, I want to spend time with him (until I find someone else) but not at all close to being his girlfriend. God!

Confusion na! I know… lets just keep it light for now!

Just like that..

{ November 3, 2009 @ 5:09 am } · { Blogroll, Interesting, art, body canvas, dating, feelings, friends, habits, health, life, love, personal, random, tattoo, thoughts, work }
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I don’t have anything in particular.. I mean I do but then this is not about that. This is a ‘just like that’ stuff, you know, general update, nothing intense or serious.

So I wanted some change around, and if you’ve not been a regular then let me tell you, I have changed my blogspace appearance theme. I liked the earlier one all bright and sunshine, but this one is also good, very creative and compact, although a little wider column would help keeping the scroll soo never-ending.

Besides that, I’m at at work and sleepy, slept late yesterday, partially because I was talking to New Guy and rest because I’m lazy at times and always pathetic at time management. Work is work, a little less relieved though (that’s why I’m here). Apart from that, there’s this funny thing, or just thing that happened, so we have these international conference calls in the evening times and I leave early from work so usually take these calls from home on cell. Yesterday, sis was to meet this internet guy for the first time and she didn’t want to go alone so she asked me to join her, so I did and then I totally forgot about the call , actually to be exact I never remembered it at all. Now today morning my senior(who’s now rolling off to new project) asked me if I was on call. I told her I was not at home and hence could not, she like ‘ attend them seriously as you are working closely on these things’. I’m like ok will. Then I got thinking about how put up this entire thing is, I mean if I loved what I did and if I was worried or interested then I would’ve never forgotten about it. Then it would be me who would be there and take things up. And then I want a promotion, that means more of this thing that I’m not even bothered about. Its nothing new and has happened a couple of times with me so I know how it is, I go home and completely forget about it all. Maybe its all natural, maybe I’m irresponsible, maybe it’s another factor showing how much I’m not into what i’m doing or maybe it’s just something normal that I’m adding as my list of excuses. Not sure! Anyhow all I hope is that this missing out on calls in not being considered for my promotion criteria. Hell I know it is! just hope it isn’t impacting so much. See all I want is more money and less work and that’s what a promotion will get me, then I’ll be up for taking these calls and managing work and time and all as I will not have much work type work to do. I think!

Anyhow, another thing i’ve been spending a lot! Like more than what I do and more than what I should do. I’ve swapped that credit card a few times now, over expensive cafes that serve the same coffee only soo expensive it gives you a high that you can actually spend so much ona cup of coffee and also some on cosmetics, thanks to sis, trying to buy the entire store. Imagine she was all for buying a 3 square inch eyeshadow color palate for 800 bucks.. please don’t get a heart attack, it was only India Rupee currency.. but seriously! I also bought this dark green V-neck pullover from Benetton. I like it! yay! its only for 1000 Rs. yay! I have been wanting that for a long time so yay again! But I need to stop on the spending and crazy as it may sound, all my Facebook horoscopes (and other)read not to overspend, go check for Libra. Confession: Also some of the shopping spree has been intended around the next date with New Guy, as you know I’ve been a complete miser and you can’t be an idiot when you date, I mean you can, but I don’t want to especially when I’m not. So just some basic updates happening. Don’t roll your eyes… its girls stuff ! lol!

Didn’t got o gym yesterday as was with sis and had to meet that guy ‘V’. He was okay, speaking very less and that’s what is scary, when people don’t talk what they thing, its dangerous. I will go from today, pucca(real) promise.

Also recent urge to get back to the tattoo resolution. ‘B’ had got it done on the day we went for frenz engagement and she showed it off and now I’m like dying to get one. What’s the problem? I’m confused as hell again! but seriously, need one before the year ends.

You know what, sometimes I feel that I get pulled into trying to convince myself that my life is fun and then I do these things that I’m not sure about but they give me some re-assurance at that moment. Don’t know if you got that, but that’s all I’ll say…

*Yawwwnn* back to work type crap…

Tc!

More love this way

{ November 2, 2009 @ 9:20 am } · { Hobbies, Interesting, art, feelings, interpret, life, love, poems, random, thoughts, writing }
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Another poem.. and yes some love drenched, mushy flavoured, hopeless romantic words…

To be loved

Sweet November…

{ November 2, 2009 @ 3:22 am } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, dreams, family, feelings, friends, habits, health, interpret, life, love, personal, random, thoughts }
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Its beginning of a new month, and although this keeps happening thoughout the year, I’m a little excited about this one in particular..

Reasons are many, so bullet points will be needed

*I use them so often, its like when in my exams I always felt the need that my answer should not be right, but easy to read and the points I’m making should get across in the best way*

- 2 friends getting engaged this month… dresses, party, all the friends marriage excitement begins

- will have an appraisal meet this month, I’m definitely hoping for a promotion *fingers crossed* and a hefty raise too.. yay!!

- Winters!!! colorful socks, beautiful stoles, chiselled cheeks, cozy beds… lots of warm cups of tea.. love it all!

- Also, some weird/good intuition that something good is coming my way..its good to be hopeful

- I’m hitting the gym again from today.. loosing all that baby (and adult) fat.. really i have bulging tummy now.. and .. let me stop here..

- Also, I see many party type plans happening, ol fren n me decided we needed some catching up(okay i decided, he agreed) so plans for movie-lunch-talk n more talk coming soon, engaged n to be engaged fren ‘B’ also require a round of drinks and lots of talk, another cute guy from my raftn trip also met me online and was asking(himself okay) to make some party plans.. too bad he’s not single, maybe he’ll get a few of his hot single friends, and last and I think the least will be meeting New Guy’s friends soon i guess, spoke to one of them and he was all for clubbing, btw he’s on a vacation right now with friends. just like that info.. lol!

- Maybe, just maybe, might get to start with guitar passion again.. hope so, want to

- Life seems to be moving, maybe even talking a good turn, I’m hoping.. this month would bring around some deserved and great changes.. pray ok!

What’s your plan for the month guys??

Comments inspired poetry..

{ October 29, 2009 @ 2:57 pm } · { Blogroll, Hobbies, Interesting, art, dreams, feelings, interpret, life, love, poems, random, thoughts, writing }
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I don’t know how or why, but lately even the smallest of things get my head ticking… effortlessly..

Here’s a poem ‘ And I stand still..‘ again. The title came to my mind after a comment on one of my recent posts.

P.S: I also feel the influence of some poet here…

Tc!

Emotions and Bonds edited title

{ October 28, 2009 @ 5:47 am } · { Blogroll, Hobbies, Interesting, art, books, dreams, family, feelings, friends, habits, interpret, jazz, life, love, music, personal, random, reading, realtionships, secrets, thoughts, work, writing }
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There are so many meanings to this word ‘bonding’, but what comes first to your mind?

For me, my thoughts run to emotional bonds, bonds of love, bonds of friendship, bongs of adoring, bonds of caring.

Emotions always intrigue me to think more, observe more, see through what appears and what lies beneath, know why you feel a particular way and why not? There’s so much to it and I want to see it, know it. I think that’s why I’m so fond of emotional movies too, like Love Aaj Kal, When Harry met Sally, Jerry Maguire, Wake up Sid, Forest Gump(absolute Fave, I’ll watch it a million times, I think I already know most of the dialogues), Big Fish, Never been Kissed, Made of Honor (Love this, actually love Tom too;) ),P.S. I Love You(awww I cried twice in the first I watch).. and the list can go on.

Keeping to the original thoughts ‘Emotions and Bonding’. I love to bond, I love the feeling, like you connect, literally like you can sense the existing of this thread that connects you and another person. It feels like you know this something exists and only you can feel this and share this thread/bond, its unique, its only for you too, irreplaceable, absolutely ir-reproduceable. It’s a great feeling!

It might seem that I’m making too much out of a small and very common part of human nature and existence, but, if you actually stop and think about it, you’ll know that every bonding you share with every person on this earth is so unique. It’s like its your own exclusive antique collection, nowhere else to be found on the earth. Thrilling na!

I share different kinds of bonding with so many people and this is when I’m not a very social person, so I’m so sure you’all would also have many such bondings…do share…

Friendship Bonding - Here also there are many types..

I have friends I share a total masti type bonding, we connect on how to have fun and what you find fun. It’s cool! As soon as I say ‘I really enjoy sitting at Nescafe till late nights and sipping coffee’ and the other person says ‘me too’, click, there’s a bonding. Then I have a few friends who might not know much about my personal life and vice-versa, and also we don’t feel there is anything missing if we don’t share it, coz what we’re bonding over is FUN!

There are friends I can talk to for hours without even having to stop for a second to collect what to talk about next. I love this bonding too, the Talk-Talk type, hey! that’s a nice one, I’ll call this ‘Talk-Talk bonding’. It feels so good to be able to say everything in your mind, in fact I think I share this bonding with my blog as well. I love this blog space!! I’m a working software engineer adult! Believe me!/? lol!

Another very unique bonding in friendship is that comes from books & reading. I love this one too. Now I may not know much fancy authors and I usually stick to popular fiction stuff until this last time I went to Connaught Place and picked up random books whose summary seemed interesting from a second-hand books shop (if anyone want to know, it’s the Book corner next to Plaza) and it made me feel all like ‘great reading taste and stuff type’ and the books were all good too (see my novels I’ve read links on right hand). I love to talk about the writing skills and how you interpret these words and how the other person feels about it, and the great thing about this bonding is that it exists even if the ideas you have are totally different, like opposites. It actually excites me to know that a person could find a piece so contrasting to how I felt and interpreted it. I find this different mind and thoughts type stuff quite interesting. I should have so gone into psychology. ‘The bloody list of Should’s ’ again. Hey next post on this, or maybe a book? You’ll read na..?

And another unique bonding I can think of is the ‘Altering bonding’, this happens that you may connect every time on a different thing, not like every time, but like frequently. And I think this one leads to one of the best friendships you have. I love friendships. I love to care, be cared for, to share, to confess, to console… awww… I’m all aww type now, *back to normal please, I’m in office remember!*

Also, yes I missed the ‘Confess All bonding’, there are some people you feel you can say anything to and they will not judge you for it. I confess to sis and I love her for not judging me, although her love for baby sis does surface and she advices me a little later, but never judges me. Another friend ‘S’ I used to confess to, but now things have gone sour, she was in Delhi and I called her to meet up, then she got busy and left without even talking and then I saw he status on Facebook reading that ‘if we just accept people the way they are no one would end up loosing friends’ and I knew that was for me. She doesn’t consider me her ‘confess all friend’ anymore, or even just a friend. It makes me sad. Really! I lost one very unique bond from my collection and with a lot of pain in my heart! But I don’t think about it much as it has been like this for a while now.

Other Bonding - Now I didn’t want ot put there something like ‘Love Bonding’ or something, coz I feel the source of all the above and next to come bonding is Love is some way or the other.

There’s also this ‘Adoring Bonding’ that might not totally be two-sided by I’d still call it a bonding and add it to my collection please. Sometimes, you find some people so adoring, like you can just sit and watch them/listen to them/observe them. You might adore them for their beauty, intelligence, art, talent, easiness, style, arrogance. It’s so great. I observe strangers sometimes, behaving, reacting, being themselves as in their routine ways. I like to admire the everyday routine-ness of it all, the casual natural and everyday general reactions and behavior. I also adore a few more people, for the way they are or secretly for the way I wish I could be. I love to adore…love.. This bonding make you feel so warm and human (god know why I need to feel this all the time.. wat re-assurance do I want? that I’m not a dog? .. lol! On a serious note, I think I just love to feel that I have a heart. Whatever sense that makes!)

Then there is this ‘Protective Bonding’, like you just can’t help but feel so protective of the other person.. oh, this reminds me of Edward Cullen “I feel very protective of you”, do you guys notice the way his lips move up from the corners showing his fang teeth. Ooohhh… I love this decent vampire.. lol! Anyways, so yes, about feeling concern for a person, like you know they deserve all the good and you want to make sure they get it. It may be your sibling, friend, someone else. It’s all about the concern. I have this bond for my baby bro.

One more interesting one I remember, I’ll call it the ‘You as Me Bonding’. You know sometimes when we feel every joy and grief of another person as it is our own. Like anything good happens to them and you start jumping like it was happening to you. Like I told you’all about this friend of mine ‘Nilu’. See me and him, we are so close, like we don’t know each other’s family troubles or other deep feelings, we do share stuff on life, aspirations, feelings, thoughts but all in general, sometimes each other’s relationship stuff also, but when he told me he’s going to New York, I was so happy. I could feel the happiness and I knew when its my turn then also I would feel something very similar. I also adore him lot. These bonding are the type that make you feel that even if you meet the person after 10 years or talk after ages (like me and him, we have gaps of months) even then everything will be the same, nothing changes between you two. You both might change to become different people in your own lives, but when you’re together, sharing that bonding space, then everything remains as it was 10 years ago. I fee in this bonding there is also a very strong sense of understanding and being on the same level of thinking. Yay! I have someone like that! You should too…its lovely!

I think I’ve exhausted this page..

Just one more bonding space I can think of right now, ‘Interests bonding’, when you bond over interests. I know I mentioned books above, so maybe that can go over to other interest too… any hobbies you have. Mine are sketching, reading, music, dancing, travelling, writing,.. and so many.

What the hell am I doing stuck in this cubicle and popping my eyes out for hours in front of this computer??? I Should be an artistic person, I am an artistic person…

Fuck type stuff happens… I guess just being practical and getting the bills paid.. lol!

And Last but not the least, to end on a good note, I love the bonding I share with everyone who reads my blogs and has a word or two to say to me! I love it when you guys comment. It makes me feel so worthy that you take the time to say something to me! really? I mean this is a fast time and money is time, so when you stop and share, I’m honored. Also, it makes me believe a little more in myself, you know writer and all.

Keep the comments coming darlings!!