Archive for love

Dating don’ts for guys

{ November 30, 2009 @ 3:57 am } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, feelings, interpret, life, love, random, realtionships, secrets, thoughts, writing }
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Warning: Due to some recent experiences, readers may sense of spite or even bitterness in the below post. Please ignore as temporary mindset. In all other circumstances the writer does not hate the male species, she loves Boys and wants them all to be good boys.

1. Please keep your mannerism with you at all times. Just because the girl made a dirty joke or touched your arm, doesn’t mean she is your next-door buddy or ready to take anything you throw at her. Behave!

2. Explaining #1 further, when I say ‘behave’ I don’t mean ‘pretend’. Not at all. Be yourself, just not the self that you are around your guys group at bars, be the self that you would want a girl to see in you. Show the part of that you are proud of.

3. No too many personal questions please. Until yes, they are coming on itself as part of the current conversation, there is absolutely no need to know if she owns the house she lives in or not. If it’s all well, you will know it later.

4.  Try and avoid too many awkward gaps in-between conversations. There will certainly be a few, but here’s when you can use some of that with that you so much show off among your guy gang, but please mind the topics, and switch to something quickly. The more the silences, the more she will have doubts on ‘if this is all going well or not?’.

5. Make the conversations light and easy, nothing too fancy, nothing too scripted. Maybe a few positive / funny past experiences, some great places you’ve visited. Keep it interesting. And if you’ve got the funny tick too and can make the girl smile/laugh,  then bravo! you’ve scored a ‘he’s nice to be around’ thought.

6. Please plan the venue or at least have a few places in mind that you can suggest, and yes they should all have seen your face earlier. No experimenting with your date, she’s not a rat you see.

7. We know that the average time span when guys think of sex if every 3 seconds (read this somewhere  long time back, maybe now its half a second), but please try and throw those thoughts away or at least not let them reflect in the way you look at her. Keep your horny thoughts and looks to yourself. If you really need to stare at her figure, make sure she doesn’t catch you doing so. It disgusts girls! really disgusts!

8.  This is very obvious, but I would like to emphasize if you dumb heads need to be reminded (of course not without a whack on you heads),  PICK THE CHEQUE.

9. No questions on past relationships. no ’so how many boyfriends have you had?’. you’re getting nothing less than ‘F******* Ass*****’ for that.

10. Whether this is your 1st or 5th date, let the girl take the lead and show you how comfortable she is. Read the signs. Don’t try to pounce at her on the first chance ou get. If she comfortable enough you’ll see it, she might do something or say something that secretly says ‘I’m ok now’. Be attentive. If you like her, then its worth it right?

11. And when you feel she shows she comfortable and you may go ahead, then at that time please be a Man and take the lead. Don’t wait for her to take the first step. You need to show you’re a man and will take the lead, whether its to hold her hand, waist, a kiss, whatever. Girls like it. It makes them feel secure in some way.

12. Try to think of the motive as ‘To have a good time, spend quality time’ and rest much will fall into place.

13. Try and talk about what you like instead of all that you don’t like. Simple rule, positive vibes work everywhere and positive words too.

14. No matter what the situation, always ask to drop her home. even if you’re freaking dead and it will take you 2 hours to get back home, always ask. Much chances are she is sensible and will take herself home, but if she doesn’t then maybe she wants to get that extra time with you. It’s maybe boys, not always ok.

15. A few subtle compliments wouldn’t kill you will they? So? And yes, if you can make them genuine ones and not like, you have a beautiful smile when the girl wears braces. ? genuine… not to difficult if you can get yourself to stop looking at below her neck and actually look at her face.

16. Enjoy and have a good time and make sure she is having fun too. Listen, talk, laugh, behave. How difficult can that be?

 

If these were helpful, let me know, I’ll think up some more of don’ts..

 

Life Updates…

{ November 29, 2009 @ 7:27 pm } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, feelings, friends, habits, interpret, life, love, music, personal, random, realtionships, secrets, sex, thoughts, weddings, work, writing }
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I haven’t been talking about what’s been happening recently for a while. So, here’s all that has been going on.

Okay, last that I remember was a big time venting and full of ranting post on how the hell I hated New Guy and was going not going to get manipulated into his ways. So that story ended by me telling him that we can only be friends and no way is this even getting anywhere. As expected he was all no-no and not agreeing but I was adamant. I was very clear about it all and then he had no option. lol! I stopped the late night talks and early morning calls. I was still speaking to him few times in the day, but he was all boohoo and sent me a message saying that he was feeling deserted. Ya right!! I wasn’t falling for the trap this time. yay! for that :) . This is making me feel so sensible and grown up and less idiot! :) Then I did speak to him late night for a few times(i think 3) last week and none of it was anywhere close to anything cozy, all friends stuff. Last night he did say that he was feeling something, but I totally put the logic into it all and made him believe it that it was only because he was relating it our earlier talks and it okay and with time he would get over it.

Today I had a fight with him, I think that’s what it was, atleast from my end. Now I was back from this crappy date, actually not even worth calling it a date (more on that below) and he was somewhere near my place with his brother(who’s getting married in 10 days) and I asked him if we can catch up for coffee. First he tells me that my bro is with me, so you decide. When I said ‘we could go for coffee, but I don’t know your brother so you ask him’, then he said ‘My brother is saying it’s too late and not decent to meet at this hour (9:30pm) and it would get late too’. WTF!! If you don’t want to come/ can’t come, then be a man and say so, you don’t put the other person feel like they have no sense of decency and no home and they are like street people who go anywhere with anyone. I would have slapped that guy if he was in front of me.  I told him to not teach me what decency is and got to hell (or something like that).

You know this thing that I was saying about expectations from others, see here it is, I expected him to consider that I’ve been taking all his crap and been so nice to him and should come atleast for sometime. And also his brother, New Guy and me keep talking about him a lot, all the wedding stuff and all, so I expected him to be at least friendly, but he’s teaching me what decency is. What do you think I am? I mean really? If you ask a friend for coffee when you’re not feeling very good or even just like that, then does it make you indecent?? Bloody idiotic and conservative and I don’t want to be rude but I don’t get it. The last message that I sent him was ‘plz don’t call or text me’. Loser! Being diplomatic/making me feel stupid when he doesn’t have the guts to make an effort/own up that he doesn’t want to make an effort. Is this what friends/dating type all night talking people are for? Get their entertainment/time / someone to listen to them and talk when they’re free, but when they need to make some effort, then we need to be decent. F*** Off!

 

Now the Crappy date whatever the hell it was..

I got talking to this guy I met on chat sometime on last Monday I think. He sounded ok and we were from the same community(doesn’t matter, just mentioning) and we chatted for sometime and shared pics and then he said he’s a pilot and working with Kingfisher Airlines and all good stuff and I’m new to Delhi. So I believed him and then we exchanged numbers and I accidently didn’t save his number (lol! :) ) coz I was rushing for the guitar class (sounds so cool! yay! ). So he texted me the next day with his name, so I saved the number and replied him. We spoke on phone once and he was extremely humourous and telling his funny experiences, so it was okay, except he was all like too personal on questions and he’s like we should go for a drive and booz. ya sure! I was so taken aback that how can someone be so shameless and pathetic. Anyways I laughed away all that and said we would meet sometime later for coffee and he was in shock or something, as if I’ve asked him to sleep with me when we meet the first time or what, actually I think that wouldn’t have surprised him. Weirdo! Anyways, I was still thinking that its okay, let me give the guy a chance, at least meet him, you never know he’s actually good. What was I thinking? with my luck.. hmmph! So we spoke again on Friday and then he almost was after my life for meeting him anywhere but not coffee. strange na?? Very ya! I was all no-no. I said its only coffee or nothing! he agreed after much blah-blah-. He’s explanation was that coffee meets are too formal. what a jerk and horrible explanation??? To be honest I was curious and was hoping that he might be good (maybe the pilot thing was influencing!). So today evening I asked him what the plan, after much confusion and all we planned to meet near my place and there also happens to be a Cafe near by, so I told him to park his car and we can meet him, and then he started almost screaming that I don’t want to sit and have coffee. I told him to stop shouting and that I was coming. We met in his car and you won’t believe, he didn’t even look at me. And he was so not the person in the picture. He was totally different!! I got so freaked out! he was also almost 29-30 years old, whereas he told me 24. F***. I sat in the car, looked at him and said hi, and went cold. All I could think was please let me get back home safe today. shit man! imagine he lied about the pic, his age, god knows if he was married!! Hell! he definitely looked married! shit man! So he started driving and I was like where are we going? he didn’t seem at all new to the roads, he took onto this lane that is less busy and good for drive type.. eww!! and I was thinking god-help-me!!! Funny thing is he didn’t look at me also!! not even once, he was driving and looking in front and talking. strange uncle? that’s his name ’strange uncle’. :) hahaha. so he never looked at me. And he has this theory about all special friends he has, i made it very clear that we can only be friends, I think at that point I told him so that he wouldn’t try anything funny and which I will totally take back now. I am not at all going to have anything to do with strange-uncle. Then within 2 minutes of drive I said ‘its become quite late right’ (it was 8:35pm) and he said yes let me drop you home and took a U-turn. Thank god. but again strange!! He safely dropped me home and even funny he wouldn’t look at me while saying bye too!! haahhaa.. Psycho strange uncle!! thank you god I’m home safe!! seriously!! I was in shock! How can someone be such a liar? And I even confirmed his age with him, and he’s like I’m 23 will turn 24 now, liar, earlier he had told me 24, will turn 25. Liar!!  and I told him that he looked much older, like 29-30. hahaha… But seriously ya, fuck man!!It was so creepy!! I am still partly in shock.. and everyone at home is all giggle-giggle abou it.. lol! :)   I swear am never going to believe these people online until I check their orkut/fb . Seriously dude!! Creepy! freaky!! Now you see why I asked New Guy for coffee?? I needed to come back to reality, that was not so ugly! But I couldn’t tell him all this na!

Apart from the ridiculous boys stuff, last Friday I attended my college fren A’s engagement party. We did our college together and she was always borrowing money from me and never returning on time. I was more of a friend to her, but I never sort of trusted her like 200% .We also lived together in flats for 2 years. So ya we were close and knew much about each other, but then she has never been of much a friend in need to me and I was always that for her. and i’m totally ok with that too, sometimes you mean more to others than they mean to you. We have been living in the same city but haven’t met since a year (guilty)  but we talked and all. Now her family is all conservative and all, about same caste and early marriage of girls. She had her profile on some matrimony portal and this guy contacted her and she like the profile and earning and all and she felt it was more that she deserved. She was like he doesn’t look so good though. Now she didn’t meet the guy until 1 day before the engagement and she didn’t like him one bit. She called me and I tried to convince her that good looks and happiness are not related and all. But when I saw the guy, oh god! he looked like 10 years older to her and dark and fat and so not deserving. I was shocked, but she was upset so we(me and ‘B’) tried to make her feel its ok and all, make her laugh through the pics. It was terrible! She could have got an average looking guy also, but he was actually bad. I was so sorry for her. But hope there is something good in store and she finds happiness in life. She was going on saying about how she can say no anytime. don’t know what will happen there. Btw I wore a pink saree and looked gorgeous. :) really! a little chubby, you know arms and tummy, but very pretty!! I love to say this and not cute. yay!!!

That’s been pretty much all. Somethings about work from past week too, but I’m too upset that it Monday again and can’t get myself to mention ‘work’ more than I already have, I feel I will start crying anytime. See the shock that idiotic creep has left. God! I’m so sensitive right now, even a mouse could make me shriek! I know its funny!!! :) but true!

Quite a week! lol!!   

 PS: was listening to few sad songs and now have moved to little upbeat type. Sounds like I’m getting out of shock. lol!! :)  

 

How not to have expectations from anyone?

{ November 29, 2009 @ 6:00 pm } · { Blogroll, Interesting, feelings, habits, interpret, life, love, personal, random, realtionships, secrets, thoughts }
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How can you feel love, care or just any feeling and not have any expectations from the other person? Selfless is what it is called right? How do you do it? I have no clue, and just like some saying in Buddhism ‘our expectations are the cause of our sufferings’ and it’s all so true for me.

Leave alone the people I know, love and are close to me, even with people I don’t know, sometimes I develop this sense of attachment and I’m so happy/sad for them and then when I don’t get a response from the other person, it’s so hurting. I know, it’s all my mind and my feelings and expectations, but hello, some good words, some respect wouldn’t hurt them either right?

I should really stop this. It’s so self destructive and hurting.

Now another thing is, how do I stop feeling something that I am. how do I go subtle on my feelings? How do I not express what I feel? That’s who I am, if not expressing I’m nothing, how do I not be me?

I just start expecting so much, as in even little things that I expect, like people making some effort for me, listening to me, doing something i want to, even the smallest of things, and if they don’t do then i’m hurt. really! Its hurting and then I show a little temper and the other person is confused and I have to explain that it felt betraying that I feel/think/do so much but you don’t even consider, and then it all sounds like I’m trying to balance or even out what I do and what you do. Crap!!

I should really stop! How? Really How?? It’s like disease with no meds…:(

Stop beating around the bush

{ November 22, 2009 @ 5:17 pm } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, feelings, friends, habits, interpret, life, love, personal, random, realtionships, secrets, sex, thoughts, work, writing }
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that’s just exactly what I need right now. I so need to clear my head and actually realize and know ‘What I really want?’ How much ever time it takes, I need to know this. I don’t care, if I spend 5 years trying to know it. Actually that’s too much time, but considering it took me 2 years to get over the hangover of a 3years serious relationship and sometimes I still ask myself that ‘Am I over it totally? How can I be sure?’, so I think I don’t mind 5 years. What I mind is ‘not knowing?’ , the confusion in your head, the analysis, the million questions and no answers. I mind that, I don’t want that. I’m not the person who can live in doubts, I’m clear as a crystal, here or there, I am what you see, I will tell you what I am, I am not, not at all ‘what I’m not’. I can’t be that, I can’t keep thinking ’is this me?’ about everything I do, I can’t keep questioning my wants and likes, it will bruise my soul, my beliefs, my heart. And somewhere I feel that it already has, a little bit.

I need to stop here.

Breathe! Be with myself and know myself and love every bit of it. I can’t move ahead without it, not even one step, maybe a few steps back if it takes, but not ahead.

I’m talking about matters of the heart and relationships.

 

I thought I was okay with this dating, but its all so uncomfortable. Maybe its just the wrong person I’ve met, but I really don’t know what I want. And how do I know this? well, listen to read more if you’re not tired of my ranting yet.

I have no feelings for him, yet I talk to him early mornings and late nights and message him through the day.

I like to spend time with him, I like the feeling, but I don’t like it later. later if I check his pics on facebook I don’t feel nice, I’m like ‘really? with this guy?’

I hate that he is dominating, but I go along with it. I don’t stop him. i talk when i don’t want to. Yesterday, I had a bad cold and headache and he kept talking till 4am and I mentioned couple of times that I got a bad headache and he’s like ‘aww baby’ and would start again. He knows I  go to work early 7am and when I remind him he says 5 min more and then being inconsiderate as ever, he goes on till another hour. I talk too, but hello? what about a little consideration? I’ve been sleeping  4-5 hours average over the past few weeks. Fuck man! and all this is when I don’t even feel for him. He’s bloody manipulative. I hate manipulative.

 

I always feel he has that temperament of keeping the balance equal on both sides. He can’t go and do something and not expect anything from me. I get that feeling. can’t think of anything particularly, but you know na, when there’s this feeling of there has to be a give for every take. What if we’re not in a relationship? Can’t you just not expect so much. it’s pressurizing now. and I’m taking all this . Shit man!

 

Then there’s this whole thing about how he wants to get into my pants. Well I might have started the flirting and maybe also little stuff, but hello wait for the girl to get comfortable. He keeps talking about it on the phone and then I’m like I don’t want to say much so i listen and he’s like you don’t respond. What? How can you expect me to get into the same place that you are at? and if not then you’re annoyed and i explain. no! Not at all! I won’t ! I don’t owe you any explanation!

I think he just doesn’t posses any basic mannerism and I’m not going to teach him. Coz I care a damn!

Even if we’re being just dating type, you need to respect and behave and not make me feel like I’m here for something that is not decent and that you can persist me into anything.

I need to stop here. And know what I want. BUt this isn’t anywhere close to what I want i know for sure. Am just going to talk to him now. hope I’m not screaming and he understands and we can be friends. if not the F*** it all.

phew! that feels good now. I know too much personal stuff, but hey thats why this space exists. It’s global, yet personal to me.

what I’m at right now..

{ November 21, 2009 @ 10:18 am } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, dreams, family, feelings, friends, habits, interpret, life, love, personal, random, realtionships, secrets, thoughts, weddings, work, writing }
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Firstly sorry for the delay in posts…but please believe me work has been too much lately..too much.. n not that I feel obliged to blog.. but I like to post and when I don’t I feel I owe an apology to myself too, for not letting these thoughts out..and keeping my mind buzzing with them..

So, whats been going on?

Plenty of work! My senior was moved to a new project and then I am taking care of few important projects and there hasn’t been any transition or anything, but it seems like I’m doing much of what she did, but without any training. So what do you expect? yes, Im nervous and confused and also want to prove myself, but then the self-doubt creeps in and all gets confusing. I start questioning if i can or can’t and then feel like a 100 eyes are on me and what I do now will decide how my career takes shape from here on.

I really want it all to work out. I want someone to train me on all the tactics and do’s and don’t, how to handle situations, what decisions to take and then I will do all the right things and come out as shining star. But I know that everything cannot be found in guidebooks and experience teaches you these things, but I also don’t want to fail at attempting and get steps behind, instead of ahead.

What I find most difficult is to have 100% confidence on my decisions, coz I don’t have any reference to look at and say that this is right. I feel confused if this is right or not and then it shows.

I’ve been carrying the office laptop and after work at office, I even take up work at home and then yesterday I was on PTO, but landed up working entire day(except  for the relief of waking up late) and even carried the laptop to my friend (actually sis’s best friend’s ) engagement party, where it died when I was just about to send status mail and thank god it did, coz when I got back home I found some problems and then i finally sent out the status at 2:45am.  Today is off, but we have migrations so I will be working for 2 hours in evening. There is this other girl in my team, so after my senior left, we both are left with the work. Even earlier my senior never did any work only management, and now I have to do management and also work. I sometimes feel that I’m much better of a ‘do all the work’ than ‘manage all the work’. I mean I can do 10 things myself, but giving it to someone else and feeling relieved and sure that they would do it right is difficult, so I end up doing most of it myself. So this other girl ‘D’ in my team, I have been doing most of the work so that she is not blogged with too much and doesn’t get too overloaded. I know, that is not a good management trait, but then can’t help it.

Appraisal’s coming along in December. *fingers crossed*

Apart from work, after few days of restricted talking, I have resumed late night talks with New Guy. There was too much stuff around what we should restrict and how and all, so I said forget everything we’ll just see how it goes. I’ve stopped the morning calls though and that should be good, coz it was getting too much. With all this work havoc going on, it feels good to talk to someone who will listen and talk sweetly and you know. It’s like a stress relief thing. It takes your mind to a different place, even if for sometime only. don’t know how far I should take this, but one thing is for sure, neither of us have any feelings type stuff for each other. actually, we both are in such similar places in our lives, that we know how it is and we want the same things too, ok, he might be thinking a little ahead, but what the heck na.

That’s whats happening right now. Phew!!! good to get it all out!

Howz u???

We were never meant for do or die..

{ November 17, 2009 @ 5:24 am } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, feelings, friends, interpret, life, love, music, personal, random, realtionships, secrets, thoughts }
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This is a line from the song from ‘Already Gone’ by Kelly Clarkson. I really like her voice and personality, whatever I have seen so far. She’s so real, no plastic, no unimaginably and unachievable shrunk waistline (i like this ), and she has this sense of real feel to her, like she’s just a girl like anyone of us and happens to be a good singer too.

Anyways, so not that I’m crying or anything, but yes it’s not the best thing to have to tell someone that you don’t want what you share anymore. It’s always better when its mutual na? hmm…

Guess what? Yup! I haven’t told New Guy this yet. I haven’t been talking much to him for last two days and when I did speak to him he did say that he missed me. :) I miss talking to him to, but it’s just the ‘thing you’ve been doing and then you stop’ type missing.  I know I overdid many things and even when I was doing it all I felt I was always on the safer side of things, but I slipped into a hole dug where I need a hand to pull me out of it and then I can’t give my hand to New Guy to come out. He has to get out on his own.

If you look at it, it’s not so complicated, but still I’m very bad at shaking my hand off and walking away. I think you all know that (by the number of posts on this context).

 

So? How to do it? How do I tell him ‘we’ll only be friends. Forget about whatever happened, lets become friends only.’? How do you end when the feeling is not mutual?  

And you know what, he’s not that crazy about it me either, just that I think he wants to hang on something he found after a long time and then it would all be empty space, and also its difficult to just meet someone and get along and that to someone as sweet as me. But he’s not crazy about me and neither am I about it. So why this hesitation to say to move on? Why aren’t we both being upfront and trying to say it means something when it doesn’t. I know he wouldn’t want to end it(whatever this is) , but I want to.

 

How do I say it, so he’s not hurt or doesn’t feel like I’m shaking my hands off him? Or maybe,  how do I tell him to move away, take his steps back and then we’ll become friends again?

 P.S: spoke to him last night for almost 2 hours, almost like earlier. ok! like earlier. But no more. no more talking.

Some help please…

Dating Don’ts..by me

{ November 16, 2009 @ 5:42 am } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, dreams, feelings, friends, habits, interpret, life, love, personal, random, reading, realtionships, secrets, sex, writing }
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After being 1 dating experience old, I think I have gained some knowledge on what we should ‘NOT TO DO’ and thought I should spread these words of wisdom, coz girls n guys if you’re not doing anything on this list then you’re NOT headed to end up like me, which btw is not so bad but yes, feeling stupid, immature, reperating  my adolescent mistakes while being not-so-adolsescent, and more of stupid please.

You got it! So here’s the wisdom list. It’s separate for guys and gals, coz you know I like clarity *haha.. now is not the time for me to support this statement, but I will stick to it, I like clarity and bullet points too. Ad yes, I’m not reasoning all of them, just few confusing ones maybe.

Dating Don’ts for Girls:

- Never ever talk over the phone for more than an hour. No matter how tempting the conversation, how much ever fn you’re having, don’t cross the 60 min mark.

- Never bring up the conversation of ‘how many ex -girlfriends did you have?’ And if he asks you this, then please dump him, he has no manners at all.

- Keep the conversation light and less personal, by personal I mean, don’t cling onto every it of similarity in interests that you discover. you know, you might find all the treasure gold coins first and then see the dark sea monster. (Dun knw where dat came from, in my head I see Pirates of the Carrabiean right now)

- Do not forget to keep the hunt on, else you start getting lazy and then maybe it will also put you take some crap stuff from the guy coz you’re too lazy to start the whole search again. Duh! Don’t leave the loop, stay in the game , always!!

- Decide in your head what you don’t want for the first few weeks/month (your choice).  If you mean to generally know him, then make them mostly coffee dates or lunch dates. If you’re in for some fun as well, then late evening coffees and early dinners work. But never my dear friends, go for late dinners before you know you for sure that you want to see more of this guy (and if you think about it then, this might be applied in literal sense too.. lol! ).

- Never make more than 1 future date plans, like  ‘oh, we should got there sometime, I’ve heard it’s a great place!’. Girl wait up! You might not want to go the next time, so as difficult as it is for us to keep our brilliant ideas and talents to ourselves, save this for later, i.e if there will be one.

- We know you’re so talented and sweet, so let him discover it slowly and that will make it steady. It’s okay to want the other person to like you and see all the good in you, but you definitely need to take that slowly. What’s the rush, if he’s any good you’ll have plenty of time to share stuff.

- I know this is difficult, but please don’ keep high expectations on how this(date/relationship/conversation) will turn up. Even better, don’t expect anything, just don’t think about ‘what is going to happen’ and pull yourself to ‘waht is happening’. This will help, trust me.

- Don’t mention about him to your friends or family, atleast not until you are dating steady for more than 2-2.5 months. Much of the disillusion of charm and romance fogs your vision for that long I think.

- Meet him in groups also, not always alone.

- When meeting in group, introduce him as your friend. It makes sense!

- Don’t agree to everything he says and don’t disagree to everything either. Just don’t let him get so casual with you that he questions your decision, which will make you want to explain the reason to him, which is totally not required. He gets so much importance here.. notice!

- Keep reminding yourself, it’s just dating. He might be saying the same things to other girls also, and even if he’s not take you time. Whats the rush.

- Most important- be yourself! Don’t try to be what you’re not just to get compliments or fit what type he likes, eventually you will be youself and then it might not be the quick get out of it exit. If you’re a jeans girl then stick to it baby, don’t get that sexy sultry dress to make him go ‘oohhhh’, if he likes you and knows the person you are he will eventually be more than ‘oohhh’ and feel lucky to be with you. I don’t mean don’t dress up, do but be who you are. Be yourself girls., you’re one of a kind!  (btw this point just got scrapped as timeout on login and had to re-write it! I think the first time one was better. )

Coming up shortly ‘Dating Don’ts for Boys’…

P.S: this is totally from girls POV, so boys read on.. this will be very helpful..and brutally honest (I love this word.. it describes me)

Even nothings are something..

{ November 15, 2009 @ 2:05 pm } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, dreams, family, feelings, friends, interpret, life, love, personal, random, realtionships, secrets, thoughts, writing }
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I’ve decided I’m not dating New Guy anymore. Hope all of you who wanted this are happy now!… sorry for being so spiteful* just all this seems so much more fucked up that what it actually is, and to say the truth its pissing me off that why the hell did this get so much attention when it isn’t even worth and by ‘attention’ I mean from others and not myself.

Anyways, so New guy and me have always been out on dats/brief meetings on late evenings (not intended just coincidence) and sis is so pissed with him after the first time experience and also after he kina showed her a mood swing(I hATE that about him). So everytime we went out we were always late, always, and I’m aware that I am also responsible for it, but then he should’ve also been keen on this and he wasn’t and I didn’t push it either (because I enjoyed being with him). All this pissed off mom and because she dosen’t know him she got really cross at me. Now last night also, after all the embarrassing thing happened we were bloody late and when I reached home mom strictly told me that I will not meet this guy unless I want to marry him, which is obviously ‘NO’. And sis who has been behaving like an ass also gave me so much crap, that why was going in the evenings with him and why was I causing so much trouble for something that didn’t mean anything to me, nothing important.

I agree, why would I make my family trouble because of someone I so clearly know means nothing to me? But whatever happened to making your own choices and deciding for yourself ? And the thing is that New guy is not at all important enough that I fight over ‘Why can’t I see this guy, I will do what I want’ stuff, but still, who decides what you want to do in your life?

I know they’re just concerned about what if I get caught up into emotions and stuff and that too with a guy who isn’t so good for me. But I don’t understand, I’m just having fun, why would you not let me go out and live life and have me sit here and spend my weekends at home when I can be out and enjoy my time. I understand that sometimes in the way thing are ou get carried away and cross limits, but if you never let me walk the line and tie my legs then how do I know where I have to crossover and where to stop? You need to learn from your mistakes and for that you need to live.

 

Now I’m confused about what should I tell New Guy. I’ll ask him to be friends and I know it sucks but that’s al I can say right now. He will probably feel that it’s because of yesterday’s thing, but I’m not explaining. I don’t feel anything for him, yet I don’t want to hurt him. Just yesterday he was saying that he knew he wasn’t the kina guy that I wanted in my life, so I think it won’t be so difficult for him. Its just that this all is happening because others want it and not because I want to. If given a chance I would’ve stopped it all myself, when I would find someone better. But now it’s so shitty.

 

That’s what I mean when I say ‘even nothings mean something’. New Guy and me are nothing, just getting to know each other, no emotional bonding, no feelings(from me atleast) and yet this all is so much complicated. Hell!

 

One more thing that is troubling me the most is ‘how am I gonna meet someone new now?’ hahah.. I know but honsetly, like I have said earlier its very difficult to find guys here, good guys. Back to finding someone new again.. :) Coz I want to be there, in the game and not outside on the bench watching. I want to know people and see what all I can take what all others take me like. Maybe this is a good thing, coz somehow I had stopped making effort to look around since I met New Guy.

 

Cheers!

P.S:  am feeling much lighter and relieved after putting this here. And somehow even getting the feeling on ‘moving on’. Nice!!

If you know what I mean..

{ November 14, 2009 @ 9:51 pm } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, dreams, family, feelings, friends, interpret, life, love, music, personal, random, realtionships, secrets, sex, thoughts, writing }
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I mean to tell you all about how I got where I am today i.e in the dating scene, but considering what happened today (read to end), I’m not to be blamed if things go off track.

 

So, here’s the thing, I was in a 3 years full-time selfless-you-are-my-all relationship and it ending up with me being scared of how seriously I get involved and how that is so not good for me.

 

Now what these kind of things do to you is, either take away your belief  from existence of love or leave you doubting yourself so much so, that you don’t even trust what you decide with open eyes and in sense, it feels like everything you decide will be wrong in the end.

 

As you might have guessed, I got into the second catagory.It all left me feeling stupid, so stupid that I couldn’t see that you always have to keep your mind opens to possibility that ‘this isn’t going to work’, especially when I could clearly see what I wanted was so different from what I had. I fell in love. Selfless, I planned my life around him, I believed that he filled that void in my life which was waiting for a man to come and take care of me. I loved him so much that it became difficult to love myself, coz these two parts of me wanted different things in life. i did understand that if I can’t make myself happy then I won’t be able to make anyones happy either.

 

We always come out of anything, only after leave something behind and taking something new. But when you leave a part of your belief on love or self-trust / confidence behind, it takes time..

I became frustrated with relationships, it hurt, I left it all. I even became the one who would always make fun of these couples in love and their shy and romantic behaviour. This continued for almost 2 year, until I started to feel that I’m missing something, being normal, being able to mingle with people, be what a 24-year-old should be.

I thought about it and though I was ok to go on into it all.. again… I met someone and started dating him. Things were all good till we met, and then every time we meet something was happening, something that I wouldn’t like. And then I go ahead and give it another chance. Maybe I’m ignoring what is going on in front of me, because I want it to right and why I want that is also very confusing cause it seems that I’m holding onto this one because I want to make sure that I have forgotten the past and moved on. It’s like a self-assurance I needed to convince myself. But I also wanted to check how this was, you know maybe get back the lack of trusting my own judgement, but maybe I found the wrong guy for it all.

 

What Happened today:

It’s too embarrassing to even say, so I won’t. But I saw something beautiful turn ugly, withing seconds.   And this time there is no ignoring it, coz it can’t be ignored. I have to decide on whether this will go on or not and the thing is that I don’t have nothing positive against all the  negative stuff. Nothing! and yet I’m thinking of how will it be to be back ? same i guess.. And even without any emotional stuff involved  this seems complicated. I thing I will end it all, even though we’re not in any trouble now, but still. It’s sad. Mom and sis are both against him/

Sad! also sad songs going on itunes..

Pulling the reins

{ November 9, 2009 @ 10:42 am } · { Blogroll, Interesting, dating, family, feelings, friends, habits, interpret, life, love, personal, random, reading, realtionships, secrets, sex, thoughts, work, writing }
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It’s funny how you know it all and yet there’s so less you can do to get it right.

I, for one, am too honest, about how I feel, who I am, what I like and what I don’t. I get so honest that I don’t even filter if teh the other person deserves or is trsut worthy of my honesty or not. This puts me in trouble, a lot of times.

Recently, with New Guy, after the last irritating incident I gave him a good blast over the phone. We spoke on the same night and after advice from friends, who said I should make him realize his mistake, I told him he was loosing his manners and treating me like I’m one of his home friends. He said he didn’t realize he was behaving so selfishly and then said sorry. He also said thanks for making him realize his mistake. ?? I didn’t get this at all. Anyways I was really mad and told him to talk about something else and we spoke for another hour or so (now I’m thinking I did too much talking and will lessen it all). He kept on saying sorry whenever he found the chance.

Then, you won’t believe this, he slept off on the phone while talking to me. WTF!!

He’s done this a few times before and then it was all too funny to get pissed off on, but this time it was too much. I simply disconnected the call and sent him a message that he slept off on the phone. He called up within 2 minutes and when I confronted him, first he clearly denied, then he’s like ‘yaa I don’t know why this happens to me’ .. happens to me?? Dude you slept off, it didn’t happen, you made it happen.. WTF!! When did I start become a magnet to guys with zero traits of mannerism and total ‘I don’t why this happens’ jerks?? God save me! I was super pissed off! I told him to sleep off if he’s sleepy and not do this again.

The next day I didn’t reply to his 2 goodmorning messages. Yes, I became the pathetic ‘goodmorning baby’ & ‘goodnight baby’ ass for a while, no more of that crap anymore. *smirkn at myself* lol! Anyways, so called him sometime in the evening and only spoke for a brief 2 minutes and then nothing. At night I spoke to him only like a friend,all casual stuff and no ‘baby’ stuff . Eww.. wats wrong with me!! He was again said sorry many times, I didn’t say its ok or anything. It wasn’t.  And now I was seriously considering putting an end to this lame attempt at dating and casual nonsense. I mean this was supposed to be fun and enjoyment and now all it was giving me was frustation and anger.. again WTF! Anywhow, then he called me early morning when I was still sleeping and I spoke to him for 10 min in my sleep where he was all baby and stuff but I didn’t respond. I called him after I woke up and told him that I didn’t remember anything. lol!

Later in the eveing, I so wanted to go out, you know somewhere with friends type or something and I was going out with sis and bro for some shopping so I replied to his text that if he wanted to go for a drive. He was all suprised and like yes sure sweety, my pleasure. So I told him to call me @ 8 and I’ll tell him where I am. Now isn’t that clear? You need to be nearby so can tell you where to pick me up from. So much for common sense, I reached home at 8:30 and called him to ask where he was and he was at his home.. WTF!! for the nth time. I was like what?? and then I was about to tell him that this is too much and we shouldn’ t be dating or talking anymore or something and it felt like he’s taking me way to for granted. Then he was like I’m coming to meet you. I said fine, coz I really wanted to meet him, I mean after talking so much on the phone and all the nonsense, you do feel like meeting and something in reality right? I know I’m sounding like an ass but what the heck.. its true.. So he came to pick me and then we went for a drive. He was looking very sulky, but i guess guys master that as the first few theings once they start dating, you know, how to look puppy type, in need of love and care.  Like every sweet girl my anger also melted away by looking at him and this is inspite of knowing that it was all all fake. Anyhow, we moved a little ahead and then instead of sitting into some crowded cafe decided on driving around, which I so was into because I knew what would follow. We talked about it and I told him that I didn’t feel good about it all and that I shouldn’t feel like this because we’re not into anythign so serious andits all supposed to be fun,  but there should not be any disrespectful behavior as that would make me feel cheap and I hate that. He said sorry many times and then we moved along, he showed off a little with his fast driving, which btw I totally like (I know teenage like.. but what to do. can’t help). So then he stopped 9as if I din’t know that) and we made out, like not too much but mostly kissing and a few hicky’s *Blush*. Then we moved along and took 2 cigrattes and smoked them while talking and I asked him for one honest confession and he made a big confession that he lies about where he lived coz he didn’t like that place, but I didn’t miind coz many of my friends live where he lives and its all in his head that its not good and all. It wasa bit shocking but he was feeling so relieved after telling me.. So cute.. God! Cute?? but it was.. I’m again behaving like an ass…should  stop now.

So next we moved back home around 11pm, where I got a hellof a scolding for having no sense and going out late with some guy that I hardly know and blah blah.. I know all this stuf.. but when you’re doing it then it dosen’t seem to reach your ears.. lol!

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